COVID-19 Advice for Caregivers from the Centers for Disease Control

As caregivers, the realities of COVID-19 and ever-changing news can be particularly stressful. I care for my mom and my aunt who are 80 and 88 respectively. They are fit and need little actual caregiving, but even so, having to advise them and keep them supported through the social isolation keeps me constantly on my toes. Because I visit them both frequently, phone calls were always enough between visits. Now I've taught both of them use video conferencing (Face Time, Skype, What's app, etc) in the event that we can no longer visit. I'm also making sure that I don't put myself in the path of infection. I wash my hands, wash my hands, wash my hands. I'm also that voice yelling from my home office whenever a family member enters the house or uses the bathroom "Wash your hands. Use soap. Wash for 20 seconds. Sing Happy Birthday twice." They have to stay healthy so I can stay healthy.

How are coping with COVID-19 and caring for someone?

I also saw a hint on Facebook that saying the Lord's Prayer was equivalent to the Happy Birthday song 2 times. Sounds good to me.

Coleen, thank you for this post.
I'm the primary caregiver for my wife, diagnosed with multiple myeloma. I have applied for and received FMLA from my employer. They have been flexible so far with me working non-standard hours in office and home, but recently demanded I work 5 hours in the office in addition to 3 hours at home. I explained my wifes fragile physical state and tried to negotiate more at home hours but they refused. With covid-19 I want to go back to them with this serious issue and the potential for me to pass it or other flu like illness to her, but an reluctant to because my insurance is with them and I can't risk that either. What do you or any other member think would be the best way to approach this? Thanks for any insight.

@kandc317 Has your company indicated the basis for the demand they are placing on you? Is what they want you to accomplish with additional hours at work due to a requirement to interface with others on a specific issue/project, during "normal" work hours? If so, would a virtual meeting suffice, or is "hands-on" the only way to accomplish that? Have you been able to appeal this decision to a superior of yours, or to HR? It seems grossly unfair to you and to your wife, definitely. It also presents a sticky situation, as you want to be understanding but also ask them to understand your situation. Are you aware of any other employees with such a situation there, and what has happened to them?
I hope you will return and let us know how it all turns out.
Ginger

Hi @kandc317 That is a tough one! I was let go from two jobs due to caregiving responsibilities, so I guess my only suggestion would be to do so very carefully. At the first job I asked to work through lunch so I could catch a train 30 minutes earlier in the evening to avoid paying time and a half to the care company. They said no! The second one simply told me one day 'we don't want someone on our team who has conflicting demands on his mind other than just the job'.

I would say fact-based as much as you can might help. Perhaps (if you haven't already) provide the HR person with a specific timeline of your wife's needs and how their demand conflicts with her needs? Plus right now I would hope HR departments would be extra amenable to needs during the COVID-19 pandemic. I hope so!

I hope it goes well for you! Tough spot for you for sure!

@gingerw & @IndianaScott, thanks for the recommendations. Honesty and candor is the only way I approach all serious matters so I see I'm in good company. It seems the protections that FMLA are supposed to afford me have actually put me in the crosshairs. My business is family owned and the CEO is actually a cancer survivor so this unsympathetic stance seems so odd. The ownership has jumped through so many hoops to keep several less dedicated employees onboard but that doesn't apparently apply to me. Time theft is also rampant here so it's especially painful when I ask for so little and get nothing. There is a small component that requires me to be on-site, although the 5 required hours daily is totally arbitrary and unnecessary. I've been on this schedule for a couple of weeks now and guess what I do? Right. I sit in my office and do my work (I'm essentially a 1 person dept.) Most recently last week a member of my team was approved to work from home 100% due to her children were in the same school system as 2 others that were tested positive for covid-19, although they attended different schools. Very frustrating considering children are not considered at high risk for this illness but my wife certainly is.
It's clear from both of your responses that I will have to state my case as succinctly as possible to the ownership. The facts are definitely in my favor but i know I will not be prepared to accept anything from anyone if it doesn't make sense for my wifes long term health. With her prognosis I absolutely can't risk her getting sick with this. Thanks again for listening. You've both given me some solid ideas to consider before meeting with the owners.

@kandc317 Ive been reading all the post for you and advice . The only other thing I can suggest is that if you had or could call her Dr and tell him the situation maybe he could advice you or the company of your wife,s condition as to why you need to be more vigilant at working from home. It might be worth a chance.

Thank you for making me smile. My husband teaches at a university and I have been echoing you!🙌👐🤝🤞
“Wash you hands.” (they do not wear masks)Clean the steering wheel, clean you computer keyboard .
Do you think I am a nag?
YES!

@kandc317 [As today is 3/17, I can't help but wonder if this is a significant date for you?] When you do have a meeting with whomever in this company, keeping to facts will help. Being a primary caregiver for someone who is at risk, definitely should be a consideration for your company. As @lioness mentioned, perhaps being able to present documentation from your wife's medical team may help your cause. If you have been a long-time employee, I hope work history there will speak to your benefit.
Ginger

Thank you. I will be asking for a letter of support from her MM specialist immediately. Any way to better inform my employer's knowledge of my wifes cancer makes it a more conscious decision on their part to ignore our needs which I don't believe they'll do.
Our owners are usually good people. I just don't think they understand how complex her cancer is since it's considered rare.
Thank you so much for the motivation to continue being an advocate for my wifes health!