Blaming and anger: How do you deal with it?

I am brand new to this site and about a year into unfortunate journey with my wife. She is proceeding from mild to moderate AZ and it is so awful and unfair that it brings me to tears. We have always been active and traveled and socially busy, but now that is grinding to a halt, as one can imagine. We still have bands of friends calling to have us go there or meet here but we have turned into the couple at home here in FL, and now they are lining up to come visit us. Great except for the fact I am the sole caregiver and now need to do EVERYTHING- plan, shop, cook, drive, north desk,i, etc etc. It is exhausting and a little overwhelming. I use analogies all the time so here’s one: we are all on the highway of life as adults. Speeding along, enjoying the ride, cruising alongside friends & family. Until we get afflicted like this (along with my health issues as well at same time) and are forced to take the next exit. Nobody follows us, they wave and blow kisses and continue cruising and living life while we exit the flow and settle in to our new, challenged roles. Sad and upsetting and a little embarrassing to be honest.

But that’s my position and opening volley. I wish you all the very best and pray hard and long for peace & acceptance, for there is no cure snd this will continue to be our lives till our last breaths.

I am brand new to this site and about a year into unfortunate journey with my wife. She is proceeding from mild to moderate AZ and it is so awful and unfair that it brings me to tears. We have always been active and traveled and socially busy, but now that is grinding to a halt, as one can imagine. We still have bands of friends calling to have us go there or meet here but we have turned into the couple at home here in FL, and now they are lining up to come visit us. Great except for the fact I am the sole caregiver and now need to do EVERYTHING- plan, shop, cook, drive, north desk,i, etc etc. It is exhausting and a little overwhelming. I use analogies all the time so here’s one: we are all on the highway of life as adults. Speeding along, enjoying the ride, cruising alongside friends & family. Until we get afflicted like this (along with my health issues as well at same time) and are forced to take the next exit. Nobody follows us, they wave and blow kisses and continue cruising and living life while we exit the flow and settle in to our new, challenged roles. Sad and upsetting and a little embarrassing to be honest.

But that’s my position and opening volley. I wish you all the very best and pray hard and long for peace & acceptance, for there is no cure snd this will continue to be our lives till our last breaths.

@msblood , that’s a really good analogy. You sure have a great attitude. I hope you do have help lined up. Doing it solo is extremely challenging. Even with help, I was quite overwhelmed. Caring for 2 parents, one with Alz was like living in a crisis center. Constant duties and high stress.

Has your wife considered the new injection treatment for Alz? I ask now, because it’s supposed to be a better new option for treatment.

By all means, I totally get it.
I’ve been dealing with my husband who’s been dx’d with memory loss/probable Altzheimers for almost 2 years. Some days are worse than others but I know the worst is yet to come.
To make matters even more difficult, I’m in a wheelchair after a nasty fall last February and must rely on him for certain things. You don’t know how much that alone makes me so angry.
He’ll open the mail, and put the contents God knows where, and I’m looking everywhere. He’ll deny even opening it, while I’m steaming. Another example: He’ll use something, put it down wherever he used it. I’m looking all over for this object and when (or if) I find it in a weird place, he’ll totally deny putting it there. As you probably know, my BP is off the chart by this time.
I pray and pray for patience/tolerance. I won’t stop my prayers since I feel like that’s the reason I’ve made it this far.
These are just two small examples of my frustration/anger.
Please feel free to contact me if you like. It helps to know I’m certainly not alone.

@celia16
Not sure the treatment your refer to, but we have been fortunate to be able to have been receiving Leqembi, the only med ever approved for Alz. It is a grueling 18 months of every-other-week IV infusions at Mayo Clinic here in FL. But even with all that effort and cost, at best the med is only designed to delay the onset of dementia symptoms by 3-6 months. No cure, no reversal, just delay of symptoms. So we have been through 30 of 36 infusions so we pretty much have already received the intended benefit. So it is what it is. She is declining still, perhaps at a slower pace than it would have been?? There is no real way to tell objectively, unless one were to regularly do cognitive testing, which is really not feasible and is not performed. We just go every 2 weeks to an infusion center. She endures it like a champion - but to what end? No help, really other than the delay in symptoms. I guess it has bought us time with her, which is actually so valuable and easily overlooked. Such an awful, cruel, disgusting and really inconceivable sentence she has been given. And I and the family are taken along for the ride. God help us and Bless us, it is all we have.

Today was a bad sad mad day. I am losing it- patience, kindness, love - I was short tempered and almost throwing things. I’m tired. He is up several times most nights. I have done a lot of crying today and he knows I’m falling apart. I told him that he needs what I can’t do anymore. He is on the waiting list for Memory Care and I hope that’s what is best. In the meantime I may need to hire a night caregiver for a couple nights a week. I just don’t think I will be able to sleep anyway as I am so attuned to his waking up.
I have used the walk away today several times and once slammed the door.,
I did a META meditation today in which you wish a benefactor or someone close May you be safe; may you be healthy; may you be happy; may you be free. And then say for yourself. I feel none of those. And it’s what he needs to- I’m doing it all for him- keeping him safe, healthy and happy. He does not feel free and tires of my constant guidance.
Hopefully we will sleep tonight and tomorrow will be a brighter day. Bless you all in the same boat. Just keep rowing;)

Today was a bad sad mad day. I am losing it- patience, kindness, love - I was short tempered and almost throwing things. I’m tired. He is up several times most nights. I have done a lot of crying today and he knows I’m falling apart. I told him that he needs what I can’t do anymore. He is on the waiting list for Memory Care and I hope that’s what is best. In the meantime I may need to hire a night caregiver for a couple nights a week. I just don’t think I will be able to sleep anyway as I am so attuned to his waking up.
I have used the walk away today several times and once slammed the door.,
I did a META meditation today in which you wish a benefactor or someone close May you be safe; may you be healthy; may you be happy; may you be free. And then say for yourself. I feel none of those. And it’s what he needs to- I’m doing it all for him- keeping him safe, healthy and happy. He does not feel free and tires of my constant guidance.
Hopefully we will sleep tonight and tomorrow will be a brighter day. Bless you all in the same boat. Just keep rowing;)