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My journey as a husband supporting my wife’s mastectomy decision
So a little history. My wife sister died of Breast cancer 25 years ago. It was a second occurrence for her. Now my wife was diagnosed 2 weeks ago. Single tumor 3.5 cm stage 1. Genetically negative. No other signs of any spread. Doctor said we caught it early and suggested a lumpectomy. Fast forward 2 weeks, countless doctor appointments and mountains of information. She has decided to go full tilt and do a double mastectomy. So 4 doctors and her husband suggest a conservative approach. All the research seems to put lumpectomy ver mastectomy on a level playing field and she is hitting it with everything.
Here is my dilemma , I don’t agree with her decision. I get she is scared and tired of 25 years of worry. I understand she just wants to get to the finish line. I just think she is making a rash decision and not looking at it objectively. And I get she is not really in a state of mind to make a clearheaded decision. I feel that is where I come in. I’m the stats guy. I’m the one who can look at things from a few feet back. My job is to be the rock through this. The support when her knees give out. Every time I try to talk to her, the claws come out and she goes into a full frontal assault accusing me of not respecting her body and her decision. That is not what I am trying to do. All I’m saying is a lumpectomy can become a mastectomy, but a mastectomy can never become a lumpectomy. It is a one way street. If two years from now she gets off the emotional roller coaster she can be making a life changing decision. She will never grow them back. She will lose nipple sensation forever. Without nipple sensation she will most likely never have another organism. She is giving up everything because right now she is afraid of the future.
Sorry to have rambled on but I just don’t know how to support something that I think is a fundamentally rash and wrong decision. Anyone insight is very appreciated.
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Hey there @bcwarrior , easy there champ-fyi the post vibe compliments the handle…
Thanks, your post is beneficial to a newcomer (me), who is learning how to use the forum; technical rules as well as socially/situationally appropriate practices & unintended faux pas’.
Honorable mention to @gpigford, thanks for the conversation. My advice about women is that there can be 2 hurricanes, wildfires, earthquakes, baby crying and cooking breakfast and we will have played 100 scenarios -some rational/irrational and (keeping in mind how decision affects everyone first), before you approach us and it hurts us twice not being able to understand we begin the day analyzing our bodies. Adding to the guilt we feel for being sick and feeling like a burden no matter what anyone says. I have 5 brothers I’m very close to grew up with and a wonderful husband I never thought I needed or wanted and am so thankful for. You made me cringe & giggle: God bless both sex’s because clearly we don’t understand each other.
I say leave it alone, but should you feel the need to broach the subject; think about how you might feel if the discussion were about your “real best friend “/replace it in every question, comment and thought you’ve had about it.
2) really reread your convo starter and pay attention to what’s not in most of the responses.
Sorry I tend to woman/manSplain sometimes.
Everyone have a blessed day ☀️
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4 ReactionsI asked for a Double Mastectomy to avoid radiation and Hormone receptor positive but my Oncologist and Surgeon were dead set in not allowing me to do it. I was upset then and now.
My mom had breast cancer and had a Mastectomy and chemo and was cancer free for 8 years and it returned in her lung Stage 4 lung cancer and she never smoked.
She lived 7 months after that diagnosis and I watched her decline in a short time.
I feel like it will return because I had High Grade DCIS and my lymph nodes were clear but after my breast biopsy it was Stage 2 and 3.
I just wish they would have honored my request because the radiation literally burned the skin off of my arm pit and it was so painful.
Just be there for your wife and let her make her own decision.
My son was by my side through it all.
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7 ReactionsI had a left mastectomy in 2019. Lost all feeling on left side but I’m alive. With a lumpectomy, cancer cells can still be present in the breast tissue and start to grow again. I’m struggling with tamoxifen and all it’s side effects like night sweats, anxiety, breaking teeth, low libido, etc.
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2 ReactionsThat’s why I wanted it done and it’s my body and health and not theirs.
Thank you for your comment and I hope you are doing well.
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1 ReactionFor those who have helped Nancy and I though the first few weeks of Breast cancer, thank you. Surgery is the 16th. Hopefully God will bless us with negative lymph nodes.
Today however we travel through time, back to 2022 and are headed to OuterBanks, NC. We know nothing about cancer till we travel back through time to 2023 Monday morning. FYI, diets are off the table for me too.
OXOXOXOXOXOXO & Many Prayers!
Wonderful! ENJOY 💗🌸💗🌸
Have a wonderful time and enjoy.
Home sweet home. Weather held out. Took the Jeep on the beach and finally saw some of the wild horses. We needed this and are in a much state of mind for this coming week. Still scared and worried but here we go anyway. 2023 has been fill with heart ache hopefully some good news will come with that lymph node.
Thank you everyone.
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1 ReactionCouple photos