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My journey as a husband supporting my wife’s mastectomy decision
So a little history. My wife sister died of Breast cancer 25 years ago. It was a second occurrence for her. Now my wife was diagnosed 2 weeks ago. Single tumor 3.5 cm stage 1. Genetically negative. No other signs of any spread. Doctor said we caught it early and suggested a lumpectomy. Fast forward 2 weeks, countless doctor appointments and mountains of information. She has decided to go full tilt and do a double mastectomy. So 4 doctors and her husband suggest a conservative approach. All the research seems to put lumpectomy ver mastectomy on a level playing field and she is hitting it with everything.
Here is my dilemma , I don’t agree with her decision. I get she is scared and tired of 25 years of worry. I understand she just wants to get to the finish line. I just think she is making a rash decision and not looking at it objectively. And I get she is not really in a state of mind to make a clearheaded decision. I feel that is where I come in. I’m the stats guy. I’m the one who can look at things from a few feet back. My job is to be the rock through this. The support when her knees give out. Every time I try to talk to her, the claws come out and she goes into a full frontal assault accusing me of not respecting her body and her decision. That is not what I am trying to do. All I’m saying is a lumpectomy can become a mastectomy, but a mastectomy can never become a lumpectomy. It is a one way street. If two years from now she gets off the emotional roller coaster she can be making a life changing decision. She will never grow them back. She will lose nipple sensation forever. Without nipple sensation she will most likely never have another organism. She is giving up everything because right now she is afraid of the future.
Sorry to have rambled on but I just don’t know how to support something that I think is a fundamentally rash and wrong decision. Anyone insight is very appreciated.
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Thank you for your help but my Oncotype has already been done.We paid from our pocket.We sent it to Genomic health from my country,result came and thankfully the score is very low in my case
@)))—}—}—
Best money he ever spent.
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1 ReactionPresent day 2
Lego kits. We each did one, Nancy the giraffe, me the eagle.
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1 ReactionFirst full day down. It was one to remember. Over all it went smooth. The hardest part was the learning curve. I thought I was prepared. I wasn’t, lol. It wasn’t too bad, had to do things like widen pathways so we could both pass through. Found out where the corners of the bed are with help of my toes. A typical shower takes 10 minutes, while a rinse free “shower” takes 45. Make sure the laundry is done in advance. Dishwasher too. Have a time sheet ready with all the different meds ready because they don’t all fall at the same time. Have heat-n-eat meals already made and ready because you just don’t have the time or strength to worry about cooking.
another good idea, get someone to take the dogs for the first few days. Would have been nice to just have that one out of the way and we have a jumper that likes to jump on Nancy.
have a friend come over for a scheduled 1 hour take over. Nothing special but would have been nice to be able to take a break from the run around and just decompress for a short time.
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3 Reactions@gpigford I think the observations you are writing about here, can be used in almost any surgical situation. Both patient and caregiver have to be willing to be very flexible. Throw on sweats or easy clothes, rather than what might be normal clothes. Have afghans or snuggly blankets around to cuddle up in, but nothing with holes or fringes that might get caught up on tubings and dressings. If the patient is amenable, give gentle massages to non-affected areas. Because there are eating patterns interrupted or appetite is non-existent, have food that is palatable around, diet be darmed. [I craved pineapple and Chex Mix. [Go figure!]
Ginger
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2 ReactionsOhh so true. Diet be darned with Chex Mix? Are you crazy, if I’m breaking it, it will be Oreo’s and milk!
Post-op day 3.
Spirits high. Washed and dressed in nice clean outfit.
Gift usb mini fan
So it has been a couple days since I posted anything. We needed a bit of time off this website. While it has been a wonderful resource it also can become a bit overwhelming too.
Over all Nancy has been getting better each day. Moving more and doing more herself. The node pathology report came back positive so that was a real setback. Truly believed it was going to be negative. That was quite a blow.
Each day sprites have been getting better till yesterday. We both slid backwards. She had a lot of “why me” going on. I hit a big low with my issues. An argument the night before so we both lacked sleep. Guessing that was a big factor in it all. Today is looking better, maybe.
Several of the daily gifts were opened. Even a “bad day” bonus one. I know the small daily gifts are nothing to speak of, but I hope it bring her heart a little peace in a crazy difficult time.
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1 ReactionHas other pathology come back? Is she ER+ and HER2-? If so then an Oncotype test will determine whether she has chemo or not, for 1-3 positive nodes. Let us know any further info.
2 nodes positive Oncotype sent out. Results to come