Spouse with cognitive problems and finances

I'm thinking of telling him that I will keep looking for an apartment/house. To see if that can settle him down. That I haven't found any apartments we would like and houses way too expensive in this market, etc. And we don't need a car right now as Robin is doing the driving. Basically playing for time.

Any suggestions.

His daughter just commented he sounded so good on a recent phone call - ten minutes at the most! I explained to her about 'showtime'. His kids are in denial to a degree as they don't see it. When they visit he spends very little time with them and that is while watching TV. In the meantime he suggests we go out for lunch (he won't go with) or play our games, go for a walk - anything that keeps his interface to a minimum. He also goes to bed early when they visit. So even over a couple of days he is able to pull off that he is doing well.

I just looked at the postings on anger and aggression, and wish seen them all in the last week! My sister has a lot of anger, now mitigated by meds somewhat, and at times talks about "going somewhere else", meaning to a place not saturated with her dementia problems. I took a course on the types of dementia recently, and found there are over 80 flavors, with 5 general categories (the largest is Alzheimers), and that often neurologists consider "what works on the symptoms" as a way to diagnose specifics.
My other takeaway is to try to respond and validate the emotion... Say yes, of course you want to be away from all this, anyone would. Then sit somewhere with a glass of water (in case they are dehydrated), and ask for some time to work on it. Ideally there is something they like to do that you can suggest while you work on (the new place) for them. Hopefully they forget within half an hour.
You could also ask a few "A or B" questions about the place he'd like, before leaving him there to "go work on it".
Good luck

I'm thinking of telling him that I will keep looking for an apartment/house. To see if that can settle him down. That I haven't found any apartments we would like and houses way too expensive in this market, etc. And we don't need a car right now as Robin is doing the driving. Basically playing for time.

Any suggestions.

His daughter just commented he sounded so good on a recent phone call - ten minutes at the most! I explained to her about 'showtime'. His kids are in denial to a degree as they don't see it. When they visit he spends very little time with them and that is while watching TV. In the meantime he suggests we go out for lunch (he won't go with) or play our games, go for a walk - anything that keeps his interface to a minimum. He also goes to bed early when they visit. So even over a couple of days he is able to pull off that he is doing well.

Hi Julie, @billchitwood, how does he respond when you tell him you're looking for an apartment and can't find anything? Does that satisfy him? Do you think he will forget about that soon? I'm fortunate in that my husband is content to be in our house with me. Like Bill, he wants little interaction with others, except to say hello. Wishing you the best.

Today he hasn't mentioned it - he is watching golf. Playing it by ear day to day. His problem is he wants me all to himself - no support group. He feels like she leads me to stand against him. If she isn't around I will do whatever he wants (which isn't necessarily true but I'm softer speaking and don't challenge him - I just go about my 'thing').

He is at a place where he remembers a lot of things really well - others not so much. He has a terrible time with remotes - computers - phone (I removed his phone as he couldn't work it).
Looking back I think he started showing signs in about 2012. But they were basically wrapped around his lifetime issues so easy it ignore by everyone. He always got mad/upset about the weirdest things (didn't want anyone using the waste baskets in the bathrooms - cause for anger if they did and didn't empty them). Once he got mad at a friend of ours who was visiting for a few days, had a problem with his diabetes and drank some orange juice in the middle of the night! What really started clueing me in was he started getting lost. In TN every time we went to the grocery store he would start out of the parking lot in the wrong direction and I would have to correct him. Me, I always got lost easily but Bill had a wonderful sense of direction. The next clue was he started finding problems with the 'taste' of food - again getting angry with me when I didn't agree. Before, as long as we were alone, he was a loving husband. Suddenly I couldn't do anything right. He didn't get physical but his language was out of control. By 2014 we moved to KY and a new doctor. She prescribed a medication for his anger - which helped a lot! Plus we were pretty isolated. He started eating a lot of sweets, which he had never done before. Started not liking meat, especially beef. Wanted me to cut up everything into miniature pieces for him or wouldn't eat. But when he would go the the doctors (and still does) he would joke around, be super nice, act like no physical problems (which he showed at home a lot). Jekyll and Hyde.
Doctors are trying to sort out his anger issues from his 'normal' to what might be related to dementia. At this point I'm not sure where we stand although both doctors agree he has dementia (one has him at mild and the other at serious from what I understand). First one he was 'on his game'; second one, no so much.
So I'm never sure if he is just being 'Bill' or if the dementia is causing the problem. Seems to change from day to day on his anger/pleasant moods.
Yesterday he wanted me to check out furnished apartments. Told him I would and then he didn't mention it again (although he has been googling).
He is also, suddenly, fixated on our finances. Started to get mad yesterday morning when he asked if daughter had paid for his TV and chair and I said that we had paid for it. He thought she should have! She is an underpaid middle school math teacher (AZ is a the bottom of the scale for teacher's salaries). She gave up her office so he could have his man cave. Again, impossible to tell if old 'Bill' or dementia Bill. His anger seems magnified but has always been there. Or maybe I'm just more aware of the injustice of it.
Think he is starting to wake up - not sure which Bill shall appear but since he has me by himself as Robin had to go north for the weekend I'm guessing he will be happy. He doesn't want me to have any 'support' as we obviously 'plot' against him (like buying the TV and lift recliner for him)! Sorry for my venting. But thank all of you for your support and shoulders to cry on.

Will is also obsessed with sweets of all kinds, more so now than ever before. He can go a whole day just eating sweets.
His Dementia started after his heart surgery back in 2014. After surgery, he had 2 mini-strokes and it took him 4 days to come out of the anesthesia. I was afraid he never would. He was in rehab and of course he wanted to come home but was having some other issues. He started getting upset with me because he thought I didn’t want him to come home.
Years later, we went on vacation with another couple and that was a disaster! We all got to our cabin, and the next morning, he got me up early to show me the other man’s car had been moved overnight, and what would he be up to! He and that man never did get along and we had to leave early because Will was so suspicious of the other man.
Now we knew this couple several years before we went on vacation together because we played cards with them, the other man usually won. I thought we always had fun when we were with them. I remained friends with the couple and they belonged to my church.
None of us have ever talked about what happened on that vacation. Will has always been kind of a loner.

Your cabin vacation sounds a bit like Bill. We had a cabin and he would invite people up (like family) and then get upset about something and make everyone miserable. He never wanted anyone to stay long and if they did he would get into a snit. Of course, at that point they would leave. So therefore, we ended up with few visitors.
In retrospect I think our KY doctor suspected he had beginning dementia (one reason for one of the meds) but never put it in words or tested for it. She did document everything she told him - more than she normally would have had to - as he would deny she told him something during the next visit. And he would never follow her directions on sleep medications. Self protection.
I also didn't pay much attention to the blood test results - no idea about CKD until the move back to Phoenix when he was shown to be at Stage 3 within a month of moving here. Of course there wouldn't have been anything different she would have done other then the medications he was already on. And she might have told him when I wasn't with him and it didn't 'register' with him.
It sounds like your Will and my Bill have some things in common - like sweets!

Sweets are a real problem with Lou. He has diabetes (although he doesn’t believe it) and searches for sweets constantly. I have had to put a locking doorknob on the linen closet and use it as a pantry for sweet things. It is like you’d use on a bedroom door, but he says he doesn’t have the “key”. Before I locked sweets away, he would search for them when I went to the store. I think craving sweets may be connected to dementia in some way, but I’m not sure. Best wishes for controlling the sweet craving!