Spouse with cognitive problems and finances

Wow, you put your finger on something I couldn’t quite describe. Thank you!!! My husb has PD dementia, goes in and out of making perfect sense to making no sense at all…but there is sometimes an underlying emotional trigger, as you describe. I’d love the article you mentioned. Can you please send it to me as well?
Thx again for your comment— I feel less alone.

I was googling some of Bill's symptoms and so many of them go along with Lewy's dementia. The acting out his dreams (at times I have had to use a separate bedroom as they got so violent); hearing music and voices that aren't there. Hearting doctor said it was musical tinnitus but I'm not so sure.
At the moment they have just started testing him - also to set up appointments for CKD (kidney) and Urinary problem.
Day to day trying to figure out what to expect - other than the unexpected lol.

Here is the web site the article is on. I hope you get something good out of it!

We caregivers and doctors search medications and therapies because what works for one doesn’t always work for another. I didn’t realize how much information there is for us to find and suggest. We all do our part to try everything we can to help our loved ones, including the doctors, because Dementia is so complicated, therefore various therapies and medications are tried. I’m almost ready to ask Will if he would go into a research program for Dementia and maybe find out what works for Will. Has anyone else thought about a research program? But first, I want to be sure he has taken every test out there for an accurate diagnosis and go from there.
With his shortness of breath, we have a PFT and oxygen assessment tests set up for July 18th.
His doctor said medications for Alzheimer’s does help with Dementia. I have to find out how we can get those medications for Alzheimer’s if he hasn’t had that diagnosis.

Every other day Bill announces he is going to get his own apartment and I can come with him if I want. He also is going to buy a new car now that our old car is sold. He completely 'forgets' that the doctors said he can't drive - that AZ DVM has cancelled his driver's license. He also thinks his health is going to improve and he has another 15 - 25 good years left (he is 89 and in poor condition).

I just ignore his statements as far as I'm able. Of course he gets mad and 'punishes' me with the silent treatment (I go read a book lol).

Without Robin and my help he couldn't even get to see an apartment. He can't use any kitchen equipment - a phone is now beyond him. But he still clings to his computer.

I'm thinking of telling him that I will keep looking for an apartment/house. To see if that can settle him down. That I haven't found any apartments we would like and houses way too expensive in this market, etc. And we don't need a car right now as Robin is doing the driving. Basically playing for time.

Any suggestions.

His daughter just commented he sounded so good on a recent phone call - ten minutes at the most! I explained to her about 'showtime'. His kids are in denial to a degree as they don't see it. When they visit he spends very little time with them and that is while watching TV. In the meantime he suggests we go out for lunch (he won't go with) or play our games, go for a walk - anything that keeps his interface to a minimum. He also goes to bed early when they visit. So even over a couple of days he is able to pull off that he is doing well.

Hi Julie, you are handling his wanting an apartment very well and, as you say, with time he might forget all about it.
I wouldn’t be too concerned that your children are in denial about Bill’s condition.
You are his caretaker and you know what is happening to him, and that’s all that matters. Sometimes denial happens when the reality of a situation is too much to accept. Again with time, the curtain will go up, all in their own time. Right now, emotionally, they just aren’t ready to accept Bill is sick.
Have a wonderful weekend!

If kids were their for a longer period of time, they would definitely notice a difference, He probably goes to bed early when they are there because he is aware of it being difficult to act OK, The stress is too much so he redraws.

I remember a time when I was at my cousins and my uncle who was visiting, was fine until we asked about the past. He talked about going to med school and getting his degree (he actually had a doctorate's degree in Chemistry and a lot of patents in the past, My husband overstayed our visit, we were to meet a friend later in the evening near by. He got agitated and asked his wife, "Mommy, where are they going to leave? I want to change to my everday clothes". The strain had become too much so we left. He later died of Alzherimer's.

Maybe on their next visit, you can ask them to watch for cues that it is too much for him and notice how soon after he retires. It would be good for the kids to come into reality and to know that they are needed, you should not feel alone in the family handling this.

I recall Will’s sister (who lives 1200 miles away) kept asking me what was wrong with him. I finally got fed up with her asking because it did feel to me like she didn’t believe me. So, I found the latest visit summary Will had with one of his doctors that shows all of his health issues and sent a copy to her!
It worked! No more questions, and if I have to do it again, I will!

I just looked at the postings on anger and aggression, and wish seen them all in the last week! My sister has a lot of anger, now mitigated by meds somewhat, and at times talks about "going somewhere else", meaning to a place not saturated with her dementia problems. I took a course on the types of dementia recently, and found there are over 80 flavors, with 5 general categories (the largest is Alzheimers), and that often neurologists consider "what works on the symptoms" as a way to diagnose specifics.
My other takeaway is to try to respond and validate the emotion... Say yes, of course you want to be away from all this, anyone would. Then sit somewhere with a glass of water (in case they are dehydrated), and ask for some time to work on it. Ideally there is something they like to do that you can suggest while you work on (the new place) for them. Hopefully they forget within half an hour.
You could also ask a few "A or B" questions about the place he'd like, before leaving him there to "go work on it".
Good luck