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Spouse with cognitive problems and finances
Bill uses a computer everyday, and has nothing but problems with it. He blames his Dell and I'm pretty sure it is the user lol. He has decided to buy another one (second in a year) and going to very suspect sites. If he does get a new one it won't 'work' for him either! Once again he asked me for our address.
He still has enough memory to think he knows what he is doing. I've had to get us out of quite a few scams that he has fallen for (keeps buying hearing aids while having an excellent pair). I don't know how to protect our finances from him - at least not without major battles. So far in the past year he has bought two computers. One I could give our math teacher daughter for her school (non returnable). The other is his Dell. He also has a working Lenovo, which he says is bad - besides having a crack from his throwing it, it does work ok.
He wants to buy every ad he sees on TV - especially supplements that his doctor says are bad for him. I hid the credit card but some sites we use are auto pay and in spite of everything he remembers how to access those.
Any suggestions?
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I can relate to “showtime”. My husband managed it for quite a while, since his daughters only visited for a few hours, once a year. He is now at the point of not being able to carry on a conversation. Unfortunately, they don’t call much at all and haven’t made any visits in a while. They questioned his dementia for so long, as though I was making it up or embellishing it. Sad for all.
I tend to just agree with Lou’s outlandish statements. Sometimes, when he becomes fixated on something he wants, I’m able to put him off or say something like, “I’ll have to look into that”. It seems to make him feel better and he doesn’t want “it” right this minute. I wish you luck figuring out what works for you.
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5 ReactionsHe is at a place where he remembers a lot of things really well - others not so much. He has a terrible time with remotes - computers - phone (I removed his phone as he couldn't work it).
Looking back I think he started showing signs in about 2012. But they were basically wrapped around his lifetime issues so easy it ignore by everyone. He always got mad/upset about the weirdest things (didn't want anyone using the waste baskets in the bathrooms - cause for anger if they did and didn't empty them). Once he got mad at a friend of ours who was visiting for a few days, had a problem with his diabetes and drank some orange juice in the middle of the night! What really started clueing me in was he started getting lost. In TN every time we went to the grocery store he would start out of the parking lot in the wrong direction and I would have to correct him. Me, I always got lost easily but Bill had a wonderful sense of direction. The next clue was he started finding problems with the 'taste' of food - again getting angry with me when I didn't agree. Before, as long as we were alone, he was a loving husband. Suddenly I couldn't do anything right. He didn't get physical but his language was out of control. By 2014 we moved to KY and a new doctor. She prescribed a medication for his anger - which helped a lot! Plus we were pretty isolated. He started eating a lot of sweets, which he had never done before. Started not liking meat, especially beef. Wanted me to cut up everything into miniature pieces for him or wouldn't eat. But when he would go the the doctors (and still does) he would joke around, be super nice, act like no physical problems (which he showed at home a lot). Jekyll and Hyde.
Doctors are trying to sort out his anger issues from his 'normal' to what might be related to dementia. At this point I'm not sure where we stand although both doctors agree he has dementia (one has him at mild and the other at serious from what I understand). First one he was 'on his game'; second one, no so much.
So I'm never sure if he is just being 'Bill' or if the dementia is causing the problem. Seems to change from day to day on his anger/pleasant moods.
Yesterday he wanted me to check out furnished apartments. Told him I would and then he didn't mention it again (although he has been googling).
He is also, suddenly, fixated on our finances. Started to get mad yesterday morning when he asked if daughter had paid for his TV and chair and I said that we had paid for it. He thought she should have! She is an underpaid middle school math teacher (AZ is a the bottom of the scale for teacher's salaries). She gave up her office so he could have his man cave. Again, impossible to tell if old 'Bill' or dementia Bill. His anger seems magnified but has always been there. Or maybe I'm just more aware of the injustice of it.
Think he is starting to wake up - not sure which Bill shall appear but since he has me by himself as Robin had to go north for the weekend I'm guessing he will be happy. He doesn't want me to have any 'support' as we obviously 'plot' against him (like buying the TV and lift recliner for him)! Sorry for my venting. But thank all of you for your support and shoulders to cry on.
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5 ReactionsHi Julie, @billchitwood, how does he respond when you tell him you're looking for an apartment and can't find anything? Does that satisfy him? Do you think he will forget about that soon? I'm fortunate in that my husband is content to be in our house with me. Like Bill, he wants little interaction with others, except to say hello. Wishing you the best.
Today he hasn't mentioned it - he is watching golf. Playing it by ear day to day. His problem is he wants me all to himself - no support group. He feels like she leads me to stand against him. If she isn't around I will do whatever he wants (which isn't necessarily true but I'm softer speaking and don't challenge him - I just go about my 'thing').
Maybe it could be he knows you are a softie and he can get away with more from you. Little does he know you are being active in important matters but you are being very discreet about it. I think that sounds just about right. What do you think?
Keep up your good work! I am very proud of you!
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2 ReactionsWill is also obsessed with sweets of all kinds, more so now than ever before. He can go a whole day just eating sweets.
His Dementia started after his heart surgery back in 2014. After surgery, he had 2 mini-strokes and it took him 4 days to come out of the anesthesia. I was afraid he never would. He was in rehab and of course he wanted to come home but was having some other issues. He started getting upset with me because he thought I didn’t want him to come home.
Years later, we went on vacation with another couple and that was a disaster! We all got to our cabin, and the next morning, he got me up early to show me the other man’s car had been moved overnight, and what would he be up to! He and that man never did get along and we had to leave early because Will was so suspicious of the other man.
Now we knew this couple several years before we went on vacation together because we played cards with them, the other man usually won. I thought we always had fun when we were with them. I remained friends with the couple and they belonged to my church.
None of us have ever talked about what happened on that vacation. Will has always been kind of a loner.
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1 ReactionYour cabin vacation sounds a bit like Bill. We had a cabin and he would invite people up (like family) and then get upset about something and make everyone miserable. He never wanted anyone to stay long and if they did he would get into a snit. Of course, at that point they would leave. So therefore, we ended up with few visitors.
In retrospect I think our KY doctor suspected he had beginning dementia (one reason for one of the meds) but never put it in words or tested for it. She did document everything she told him - more than she normally would have had to - as he would deny she told him something during the next visit. And he would never follow her directions on sleep medications. Self protection.
I also didn't pay much attention to the blood test results - no idea about CKD until the move back to Phoenix when he was shown to be at Stage 3 within a month of moving here. Of course there wouldn't have been anything different she would have done other then the medications he was already on. And she might have told him when I wasn't with him and it didn't 'register' with him.
It sounds like your Will and my Bill have some things in common - like sweets!
Sweets are a real problem with Lou. He has diabetes (although he doesn’t believe it) and searches for sweets constantly. I have had to put a locking doorknob on the linen closet and use it as a pantry for sweet things. It is like you’d use on a bedroom door, but he says he doesn’t have the “key”. Before I locked sweets away, he would search for them when I went to the store. I think craving sweets may be connected to dementia in some way, but I’m not sure. Best wishes for controlling the sweet craving!
I found this today:
Often people with dementia don't taste food and experience flavor like they once did, which can change appetite preferences. Because taste buds are diminished as people age, people with dementia opt for heavy foods or foods with a lot of flavor, like sugary sweets.
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2 ReactionsFound this today and might be why “all the sweets”
Often people with dementia don't taste food and experience flavor like they once did, which can change appetite preferences. Because taste buds are diminished as people age, people with dementia opt for heavy foods or foods with a lot of flavor, like sugary sweets.
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2 Reactions