Spouse with cognitive problems and finances

Posted by Julie Chitwood @billchitwood, Feb 25, 2022

Bill uses a computer everyday, and has nothing but problems with it. He blames his Dell and I'm pretty sure it is the user lol. He has decided to buy another one (second in a year) and going to very suspect sites. If he does get a new one it won't 'work' for him either! Once again he asked me for our address.

He still has enough memory to think he knows what he is doing. I've had to get us out of quite a few scams that he has fallen for (keeps buying hearing aids while having an excellent pair). I don't know how to protect our finances from him - at least not without major battles. So far in the past year he has bought two computers. One I could give our math teacher daughter for her school (non returnable). The other is his Dell. He also has a working Lenovo, which he says is bad - besides having a crack from his throwing it, it does work ok.

He wants to buy every ad he sees on TV - especially supplements that his doctor says are bad for him. I hid the credit card but some sites we use are auto pay and in spite of everything he remembers how to access those.

Any suggestions?

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@billchitwood

Yesterday I sold our car. Today we go to the DMV for ID cards and a handicap plaque. I haven't mentioned to Bill yet that the car is gone (one day he did agree to sell - he just didn't want our daughter to have it). Lately he has been pretty much ignoring the car issue. One thing I wouldn't mind him forgetting!

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What a great accomplishment for you!
Will would be able to stop driving, and he has. But when I drove, he would scream and yell at me and try to control every move I made. So I again watched him driving, and aside from playing with all the bells and whistles, he has a tendency to sway over to the left. Swaying to the left means cars passing him on that side honk at him to stay out of the way. So he is still driving and is fine so far. I go with him when he drives down a major highway or expressway to remind him to stay inside his lane. After we move back to Chicago in July to join our families, we will only drive on local roads. If he is not driving well on the way, I will take over for him.
We will need prayers for our trip.

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@janet7

What a great accomplishment for you!
Will would be able to stop driving, and he has. But when I drove, he would scream and yell at me and try to control every move I made. So I again watched him driving, and aside from playing with all the bells and whistles, he has a tendency to sway over to the left. Swaying to the left means cars passing him on that side honk at him to stay out of the way. So he is still driving and is fine so far. I go with him when he drives down a major highway or expressway to remind him to stay inside his lane. After we move back to Chicago in July to join our families, we will only drive on local roads. If he is not driving well on the way, I will take over for him.
We will need prayers for our trip.

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Wishing you the best on your trip. Our daughter noticed that I wasn't as good a driver any more. I had been an excellent driver since I got my license at age 16. But at 81 my reflexes aren't that great and I have a stiff neck so turning to see what is coming, or besides me, can be slow motion. Bill still thinks he is an excellent driver - but he hasn't been for years. As Robin commented, you don't know what you didn't see.

Her husband, Tom, did a complete meltdown when she took him in to get an ID and give up his DL. He loved driving and used to race. The DMV got him calmed down. Apparently it is something that they are used to. It is hard giving up one's independence - and driving is something we do without even thinking. Gosh, I need to run to the store for milk! A no brainer. Now suddenly you have to rely on someone else. Oh Rats!

Maybe when cars that drive themselves get affordable there will no longer be a need to stop driving!

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@billchitwood

Wishing you the best on your trip. Our daughter noticed that I wasn't as good a driver any more. I had been an excellent driver since I got my license at age 16. But at 81 my reflexes aren't that great and I have a stiff neck so turning to see what is coming, or besides me, can be slow motion. Bill still thinks he is an excellent driver - but he hasn't been for years. As Robin commented, you don't know what you didn't see.

Her husband, Tom, did a complete meltdown when she took him in to get an ID and give up his DL. He loved driving and used to race. The DMV got him calmed down. Apparently it is something that they are used to. It is hard giving up one's independence - and driving is something we do without even thinking. Gosh, I need to run to the store for milk! A no brainer. Now suddenly you have to rely on someone else. Oh Rats!

Maybe when cars that drive themselves get affordable there will no longer be a need to stop driving!

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My dad was “The Terror of the Road.”
When he passed a car, he almost swiped the oncoming cars or they pulled off the road. I’m sure there were some accidents and some who may have been injured.
Before he gave up his license, he proudly told me he had passed a truck going so fast that no one could get his license plate! He saw the oncoming cars pulling off the road that might have had an accident or injuries. He never gave them a thought because “speed “ was his passion. God please forgive him! Seriously, he should never been allowed to drive.
I can remember even as youngsters him doing the same thing and my Mom, my brother and I would scream in terror whenever he passed another car!
Then there was my aunt who had a blackout in her car and sold it the next day!
So far, no one in our family has inherited Dad’s curse!

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Thank you for wishing us a safe trip to Chicago. We are going to take it slow and easy, just taking our time.
Again, congratulations on selling the car!! One big concern “bites the dust.”

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I ordered a lift in case Bill falls again (with no injuries). It arrived today so Robin and I tested it out with Robin being the 'fallen' guinea pig. It was easy to put together and crank her up. Also not to heavy to carry around. All we would have to do is get him on his back with knees bent. And roll his shoulders slightly to get the back pieces under him. The crank turned easily with little effort on my part. Now finger's crossed that Bill never falls again and it can just stay out of the way (it is very portable and easy to fit in a car). Needless to say, it is only useful if there are no injuries that need EMTs. The have an electric model - but much more expensive. Being a life long penny pincher I went for the do it yourself crank as the guy assured me that my 105 pound weakling self could crank his 200 pound self up without a problem. It appears he was telling the truth.

Tonight he decided to join Robin and me in our walk - we did the short version and he used his walker. He was very glad to get back to his recliner. Apparently he has decided to listen to his doctors about exercising!

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@billchitwood

I ordered a lift in case Bill falls again (with no injuries). It arrived today so Robin and I tested it out with Robin being the 'fallen' guinea pig. It was easy to put together and crank her up. Also not to heavy to carry around. All we would have to do is get him on his back with knees bent. And roll his shoulders slightly to get the back pieces under him. The crank turned easily with little effort on my part. Now finger's crossed that Bill never falls again and it can just stay out of the way (it is very portable and easy to fit in a car). Needless to say, it is only useful if there are no injuries that need EMTs. The have an electric model - but much more expensive. Being a life long penny pincher I went for the do it yourself crank as the guy assured me that my 105 pound weakling self could crank his 200 pound self up without a problem. It appears he was telling the truth.

Tonight he decided to join Robin and me in our walk - we did the short version and he used his walker. He was very glad to get back to his recliner. Apparently he has decided to listen to his doctors about exercising!

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Good morning, @billchitwood I'll bet that walk felt like an Indy 500 Victory Lap! Congrats and well done!

We, caregivers, take our victories. large, small, and in-between anyway we can take them!

I hope the sun is shining on you all today!

Continued Strength, Courage, & Peace

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@IndianaScott

Good morning, @billchitwood I'll bet that walk felt like an Indy 500 Victory Lap! Congrats and well done!

We, caregivers, take our victories. large, small, and in-between anyway we can take them!

I hope the sun is shining on you all today!

Continued Strength, Courage, & Peace

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In Arizona we do get a lot of sun! Amazing how it helps to keep one cheerful.

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@billchitwood

In Arizona we do get a lot of sun! Amazing how it helps to keep one cheerful.

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I think I may have that problem with light/dark days. I can really get down when days are dark, but if it rains, I’m okay with being dark. I love rain to walk around in - it feels Ike a cleansing of my soul! I love to listen to rain falling on the roof - so calming for me. T-storms are okay, as long as I am inside and can cover my head with a blanket! Deathly afraid of lightning!
Sunny days are a real boost for my morale and sit outside to get just enough sun for my Vitamin D , but not for a tan, because I burn easily. The warmth of the sun feels like it’s healing my whole body and is life-giving.

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Today he thinks it is Thanksgiving and wants to know when everyone is arriving for dinner and is the turkey about done.
Also wants to rent an apartment - and was planning on driving to Vegas from Phoenix to visit family. Told him the car was sold and he started to get upset because I wouldn't have gotten enough for it. When asked what he thought I should have gotten he said 1K - so was happy when I told him I got 7K! Made his day. So far a much better day than yesterday, which was horrible. Major rage! I'll take what I can get. At the moment he is enjoying coffee and donuts and TV while Robin and I clean around him.

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Doctor doesn't want Bill to nap during the day as he has life-long problems sleeping at night. At the moment he is napping and I can't bring myself to wake him up. All morning he made singing nonsense noises and kept talking non-stop! I know I'm being selfish but his 'sounds' are like chalk on a blackboard! He will go on for hours at a time. Once he had a very good singing voice, but no longer. Plus he often wakes up angry about something.

I also read where people with dementia do tend to nap a lot - not sure how true that is.

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