~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~

I got an e-mail tonight from my X (he's an N, or was anyhow). It was quite pleasant and during the note he told me he was dating someone. Somehow, even with everything before were divorced, I felt like I'd just flushed 43 years down the toilet. I have this heavy heart tonight ..... I guess stupidly I thought that somehow, we could sit down and talk about everything that happened pre-divorce. But, since he's dating someone, it's not to be. I see each of my girls once a week and church on Sun. and otherwise here I am. I've looked for a job, but at 74, well .... age IS a factor no matter what they say. Others tell me to volunteer. This will sound greedy I know, but my finances are so tight that if I'd do anything, I would want to get paid for it.
I'm seriously thinking (again) of going back to Frederick, but I must have a job first before I find a 1 bedroom apt.
abby

@amberpep I do not want to assume that the note you got from your ex is in relation to the book that you sent to him. Is it? I know that you took a gamble in sending the book to him. I hope that you were pleasantly surprised to get a decent communication from him, even if part of the contents did not make you feel good, finding out that he has moved on and is dating. I hope that you can look at your children and see that you did not spend 43 years and waste it away. Perhaps the conversation that you had with him now will give you pause and you will be able to better assess exactly what you to do from here on out. What might that be? Perhaps writing it down will help. Please know that we are here for you!
Ginger

Hi Lisa, thanks for checking in on me. My sister and her husband are still here but they are going back November 4th. I don’t hear anything from him anymore and unfortunately my sister’s dementia is getting worse daily. I haven’t been feeling well physically and emotionally. I’m dizzy 🥴 and I’m not sleeping well. My niece and her family and my other sister have been a very good support for me.

10/30/2019...... Hi everyone ... well I'm back again .... it seems I'm forever running into some sort of garbage to throw me off. My therapist told me a few years ago that "it's easier if a spouse dies than there is a long-term marriage and then a divorce." I thought he was nuts. Well, now you know I'm in VA, only about 25 miles from where my X lives, which has been hard enough. But, now I find out that he has a "companion" ..... i.e. girlfriend. Now mind you, I divorced him - he was and I imagine still is a narcissist, and before I moved here I had a real life. But, now that I know he has a girlfriend, something in my head and heart feels thrown away again .... this has always been the way of life for me .... as a child, teen, and adult, and then him .... worthless, to be thrown away. I'm really struggling with this although I know he and I are both free to do what we want. But somehow it just stings and hurts. Thanks for listening.
abby

@amberpep You are not worthless. You created a family, and have had quite a variety of experiences that have meant something to you. I think that many people, when they divorce, think that there might be a chance of reuniting if they do this or that thing. I was like that, too! When I saw my ex-husband doing the things he always told me he would do but didn't when we were together, but did them with his new girlfriend, it made me upset. I knew in my heart that I really was better without him but it took work! It sounds like he has moved on, and you will find your way to move on, also. Have you been in contact with your therapist or support group, to get their take on how to work through this?
Ginger

Hi, I’m suffering big time from my depression!!!! I can’t get up, I didn’t eat breakfast yet and I’m crying 😭!!!! I’m not feeling well emotionally!!!! I have tried a few things that I know, even taking a shower 🚿 and I feel miserable 😭!!!! I also have my s.a.d. lamp on. I feel like I’m going to drown!!!!

@smilie- It's horrible to feel this way. Did something trigger this this AM? Have you changed any medications?

The fall season triggers some of these feelings for me. Do you have people you can call? I have just put some music on to get me through this or go out for a short walk. Will try these suggestions myself today. I thank you for sharing for it lets me know that I'm not alone, but when one is going through these difficult feelings just getting out of bed is a struggle to challenge the day. You have reached out via this group and that is an ACCOMPLISHMENT!!

Hi Ginger .... I'm so glad to hear that you went through the same thing I'm going through right now. Actually, it lasted about 3-4 days and now it's gone. I figure, in time, if she's at all smart, she'll pick up the N-ism in time .... after all, he is the King!.
abby

@amberpep I'm glad to hear it was just a few days~ Now to remember that if those feelings strike again, you got through it, you are stronger, and that he has no more power over you! Do your best to set the past aside, except for the happy times, and make your own new happy times.
Ginger