~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~

Posted by .harp player @amberpep, Feb 26, 2019

I’m 74 years old and moved 3 years ago from MD to VA. My girls had hounded me to come down for several years so I finally did it. I sold my condo (at a loss), and a job with a dentist. Well, here I am, and financially I’m just not making it. That amount I earned from the dentist covered me with just a little left over. Now, more than often, I don’t have enough. I eeked out just enough for my rent this month, and now there’s not even enough for a quart of milk. I get S.S. and what I get goes right out for my rent (usually there’s enough), and my son sends me money each month. I’m sickened, depressed, and scared. I live in low income housing, and have a budget that practically squeaks. I’m thinking of starting to sell some of my furniture.
I so wish I’d have stayed in MD, for so many reasons, this being one of them. I have applied for oodles of jobs (they’re all on line now), and legally they’re not supposed to ask you how old you are (although many do), but they all ask when you graduated from either high school or college …. well, it doesn’t take rocket science to figure out how old a person is. I’m so depressed about this, and .so upset that my stomach.constantly churns.
Thanks for letting me vent.
abby

@amberpep

It's just me (Abby) …. I don't come around much anymore. Seems all I do is say the same thing over and over again. Nothing changes since I moved down here – Staunton, VA from Frederick, MD. They say southerners are "warm and friendly" …. good, but I have not found that to be true. I've given up. I pretty much just stay here in my apartment alone. Now that we're quarantined for another month, it suits me fine.
Also, I found out today that my only close girlfriend (who is in Frederick) may have bladder cancer. I don't quite know what that involves, but it doesn't sound good at all.
I can't wait til this is all over.
abby

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@amberpep

I get what you're saying, Abby. It seems like I keep telling about my various issues over and over. I hope that regular followers don't get tired of reading it. I can't remember what I've told to whom.

I had an hour with my therapist today and talked a bit about isolation. When I'm feeling depressed, I want to isolate, but having it required as it is right now is a different kind of isolation. I know that I'll feel better when I can get outside to start the gardening.

I finished a sweater a few weeks ago – a yellow pullover with an unusual shawl collar – and steamed it to shape it to fit my body. For Christmas I made a doll bunkbed for a granddaughter who just turned 3. Now I'm knitting blankets for her dolls. I just have a few inches to go on the third one. I'm poring over my wife's considerable collection of knitting books and magazines, and looking at the Ravelry website, trying to decide which pattern I want to use for my next sweater. My wife and my daughter each gave me some alpaca yarn for Christmas, so I have to figure out the designs for a few scarves. Except for the things I make for granddaughters, I always knit with wool.

So, enforced isolation is kind of nice in that I have lots of time to do the things that are on my list. A week or two ago I put new tires and tubes on my bicycle, with the plan in mind to ride it down to the mailbox. It's a little more than a mile round trip, downhill going and uphill returning. I'm putting on a few pounds which I don't need because I've been working in my recliner. I cut out the snacks and I'm taking smaller servings, but it's not enough to do the job. I've always hated exercise, but I guess I don't have a choice if I'm to shed some pounds.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I pray that she will have good treatment for her cancer. One of my wife's friends from her knitting group just passed away after being able to keep cancer at bay for several years. She was able to do lots of things on her bucket list.

Do you ever get out for a Sunday drive? The country around you is truly beautiful. I guess you see some of it on your trips back and forth to Maryland.

Be safe, Abby, and know that you're not forgotten.

Jim

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@hopeful33250 @amberpep – I agree with Teresa that it helps to talk about the same thing over and over when something major happened in your life. It is part of you processing the information and fitting it into your daily life in a form that you can deal with.
I mentioned in an earlier post that I found myself in a similar situation, feeling lonely with no friends here.
This spring I joined a league of women my age playing competitive tennis. Of course now we can’t do it with social distancing. However, I got aquatinted with several women I never met before and we had something in common.
Another thing I did spontaneously a few days ago was sending a mass email to my group of friends I had up North- we moved 15 years ago. I got immediate a, long and interesting answers from everyone. We are all sitting home. Then different conversations started about different things, one of which ended up as a good cause, supplying protective gear to the local firefighters that had nothing. We also plan to have a video cocktail hour via Zoom! I am proud of myself because I’m usually a bit socially shy. I also love this forum Mayo Connect.
Don’t feel bad about talking about the same thing again and again. We understand.

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Gosh, thank you everyone …. that really helps. A big thank you to all who have taken the time to write!
I'm still here, in Staunton, VA. It's nothing like Frederick, MD and I just plum don't like it. I rarely go anywhere but church and the grocery store. Someone else up above said "isolate." That's exactly what I do too. Everyone is talking about hating having to stay inside, but I really enjoy being left alone. I go out 2x a day to walk my dog. This is just so different from where I came from …. I still can't even find my way around without a GPS. My relationship with both my daughters is good, and I know they'd be there for anything I needed. We 3 meet for coffee at least once a week. My son drives down from D.C. usually about once a month, stays with his Dad, and always comes to see me for a bit. There have been several groups my X has told me about, but they're all younger than I am …. it's hard to tell as I am much like my Dad …. he stayed young looking until he came down with Alzheimers. All 3 of my kids are in their 40's and one in his 30's and everyone thinks they're about 25 ….. family trait I guess.
I still daydream about Frederick, but know I'll never be back there to live. I should have never left, but whats done is done. I spend a lot of time reading and watching FOX news …. probably shouldn't do that right now as it's all pretty sad news.
The church I went to in Frederick opened up the same denomination down here as I was up there. At first I was excited about it, but it started with 16 people and it's still at 16. It's nothing like the Frederick one and unless they make some changes, they won't get anymore folks to visit. So, when we all can get out of our "isolation booths" I'm going to start going to a different one, although I know I'll get phone call after phone call about "we missed you, where have you been?" It's dry, somber, and depressing. At the other one, people come up to you and talk and talk and tell you what's going on and invite you to small groups and other events they have. Maybe that will help me make some like-minded friends.
I guess I've just resigned myself that this is where I'll live til the end. Thanks so much for writing and again listening to my chatter.
abby

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@amberpep

Gosh, thank you everyone …. that really helps. A big thank you to all who have taken the time to write!
I'm still here, in Staunton, VA. It's nothing like Frederick, MD and I just plum don't like it. I rarely go anywhere but church and the grocery store. Someone else up above said "isolate." That's exactly what I do too. Everyone is talking about hating having to stay inside, but I really enjoy being left alone. I go out 2x a day to walk my dog. This is just so different from where I came from …. I still can't even find my way around without a GPS. My relationship with both my daughters is good, and I know they'd be there for anything I needed. We 3 meet for coffee at least once a week. My son drives down from D.C. usually about once a month, stays with his Dad, and always comes to see me for a bit. There have been several groups my X has told me about, but they're all younger than I am …. it's hard to tell as I am much like my Dad …. he stayed young looking until he came down with Alzheimers. All 3 of my kids are in their 40's and one in his 30's and everyone thinks they're about 25 ….. family trait I guess.
I still daydream about Frederick, but know I'll never be back there to live. I should have never left, but whats done is done. I spend a lot of time reading and watching FOX news …. probably shouldn't do that right now as it's all pretty sad news.
The church I went to in Frederick opened up the same denomination down here as I was up there. At first I was excited about it, but it started with 16 people and it's still at 16. It's nothing like the Frederick one and unless they make some changes, they won't get anymore folks to visit. So, when we all can get out of our "isolation booths" I'm going to start going to a different one, although I know I'll get phone call after phone call about "we missed you, where have you been?" It's dry, somber, and depressing. At the other one, people come up to you and talk and talk and tell you what's going on and invite you to small groups and other events they have. Maybe that will help me make some like-minded friends.
I guess I've just resigned myself that this is where I'll live til the end. Thanks so much for writing and again listening to my chatter.
abby

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I like your comment about not going without a GPS. Are you serious?? My kids advise me to get one, one in car and one on smart phone lol. I tell them sorry I don't trust them. What about those stories of people ending up on an air field or top of cliff. I go with good old fashioned paper/book maps if I need them. Guess I am a luddite.

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In similar situation, although 74 and recently he divorced me, wants me to have nothing I believe while he has a good life. Try applying for food stamps, helps a bit. One kid don't help; won't help me anyway, say I am spoiled at 74 and THAT i need meds! sEEING A Talk Therapist< pHychologist (she doesn't believe in drugs, although will give them via PHYC. WHO PRESCRIBES THEM), and Primary has given me a clean bill of health. sINKING, MAYBE MEDICAID (WARD OF STATE) IS THE ONLY ANSWER LEFT.

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@tens4u5125

In similar situation, although 74 and recently he divorced me, wants me to have nothing I believe while he has a good life. Try applying for food stamps, helps a bit. One kid don't help; won't help me anyway, say I am spoiled at 74 and THAT i need meds! sEEING A Talk Therapist< pHychologist (she doesn't believe in drugs, although will give them via PHYC. WHO PRESCRIBES THEM), and Primary has given me a clean bill of health. sINKING, MAYBE MEDICAID (WARD OF STATE) IS THE ONLY ANSWER LEFT.

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Hi – If your (limited) budget permits – why don't you see another psychotherapist. A good psychotherapist often works with a psychiatrist if you need / she thinks you need meds.

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@tens4u5125

In similar situation, although 74 and recently he divorced me, wants me to have nothing I believe while he has a good life. Try applying for food stamps, helps a bit. One kid don't help; won't help me anyway, say I am spoiled at 74 and THAT i need meds! sEEING A Talk Therapist< pHychologist (she doesn't believe in drugs, although will give them via PHYC. WHO PRESCRIBES THEM), and Primary has given me a clean bill of health. sINKING, MAYBE MEDICAID (WARD OF STATE) IS THE ONLY ANSWER LEFT.

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@tens4u5125 It's a really challenging place you find yourself in, and I'm sorry that you've been nearly abandoned. I know how difficult it can be to get the right medications and therapy. Do you feel well served by the therapist you're seeing? Because of where I live, there's a rapid turnover of therapists. They all move on to greener pastures $$$

I'm alive today because of some competent, caring doctors and therapists. I'm truly grateful that I have Medicare. Because of our low income, we recently were approved for even more help. We won't have to pay a Medicare premium, or premiums for supplemental insurance. And there's more! Our maximum out of pocket expense will be $3.60. We've been paying up to $75 for meds. I imagine that you would qualify for the same benefits. Do you know someone who could help you through all of this? Maybe through a senior center or a free legal aid. At our age, medical care is a very important part of our lives. I'm confident that there are people who can help you through this difficult time.

Stay in touch.

Jim

REPLY
@amberpep

Gosh, thank you everyone …. that really helps. A big thank you to all who have taken the time to write!
I'm still here, in Staunton, VA. It's nothing like Frederick, MD and I just plum don't like it. I rarely go anywhere but church and the grocery store. Someone else up above said "isolate." That's exactly what I do too. Everyone is talking about hating having to stay inside, but I really enjoy being left alone. I go out 2x a day to walk my dog. This is just so different from where I came from …. I still can't even find my way around without a GPS. My relationship with both my daughters is good, and I know they'd be there for anything I needed. We 3 meet for coffee at least once a week. My son drives down from D.C. usually about once a month, stays with his Dad, and always comes to see me for a bit. There have been several groups my X has told me about, but they're all younger than I am …. it's hard to tell as I am much like my Dad …. he stayed young looking until he came down with Alzheimers. All 3 of my kids are in their 40's and one in his 30's and everyone thinks they're about 25 ….. family trait I guess.
I still daydream about Frederick, but know I'll never be back there to live. I should have never left, but whats done is done. I spend a lot of time reading and watching FOX news …. probably shouldn't do that right now as it's all pretty sad news.
The church I went to in Frederick opened up the same denomination down here as I was up there. At first I was excited about it, but it started with 16 people and it's still at 16. It's nothing like the Frederick one and unless they make some changes, they won't get anymore folks to visit. So, when we all can get out of our "isolation booths" I'm going to start going to a different one, although I know I'll get phone call after phone call about "we missed you, where have you been?" It's dry, somber, and depressing. At the other one, people come up to you and talk and talk and tell you what's going on and invite you to small groups and other events they have. Maybe that will help me make some like-minded friends.
I guess I've just resigned myself that this is where I'll live til the end. Thanks so much for writing and again listening to my chatter.
abby

Jump to this post

@amberpep – You have a dog! What kind? I have two- a Bernese Mountain Dog and a Dachshund. My “babies”. Another positive thing in your life is that you get to see your daughters often. By the way- don’t watch FOX news! Depressing.

Liked by lioness

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@jimhd

@tens4u5125 It's a really challenging place you find yourself in, and I'm sorry that you've been nearly abandoned. I know how difficult it can be to get the right medications and therapy. Do you feel well served by the therapist you're seeing? Because of where I live, there's a rapid turnover of therapists. They all move on to greener pastures $$$

I'm alive today because of some competent, caring doctors and therapists. I'm truly grateful that I have Medicare. Because of our low income, we recently were approved for even more help. We won't have to pay a Medicare premium, or premiums for supplemental insurance. And there's more! Our maximum out of pocket expense will be $3.60. We've been paying up to $75 for meds. I imagine that you would qualify for the same benefits. Do you know someone who could help you through all of this? Maybe through a senior center or a free legal aid. At our age, medical care is a very important part of our lives. I'm confident that there are people who can help you through this difficult time.

Stay in touch.

Jim

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Check your local community mental health/behavioral health facility and see if you can get assigned a case manager to assist you. You might need the recommendation from your therapist or psychiatrist to get this started.

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@gingerw You can't get ahold of anyone now by phone I need to call a couple of places but no one is there right now frustrating 😒

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Some medical offices have a website as an alternate way to contact them by email. Maybe a possibility. Yes it's frustrating, but please don't give up.💮

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@marjou

Some medical offices have a website as an alternate way to contact them by email. Maybe a possibility. Yes it's frustrating, but please don't give up.💮

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@maryjou Yes dont give up my Dr,s office has one person in man ing the phones and she gets the message to my Dr.

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I don't know how to get to the end of all the posts I've had, so I've just put it here. I hope that's OK. I guess the end is near for this pandemic ….. or at least within the next 9 months or so. Those poor nurses and doctors, the people who set up tents, and everyone involved, should definitely get something very special, whether it's in the form of money, a long vacation, whatever …. I'm sure a lot of them need therapy.
The passed several months have been hell for me ….. I feel like the depression is just swallowing me up ….. it's always one thing after another, ever since I got divorced (I won't go into that now …. it's in here somewhere). I've been living in a low-income apartment, pretty much secluding myself which is typical even in the best of times. I am changing churches so I think I'll have some friends there. Anyhow, I've been here in this apartment for about 2-1/2 years, and now my rent has gone up. I simply cannot pay it, so that means moving. It has gone up by $60, which I know for most people isn't much, but for me, I live on my S.S. and my son who is generous enough to send me money at the beginning of each month, or I wouldn't make it. All of my S.S. goes to my rent now, and it wouldn't be enough with the increase. So, I'm going to have to move to what I call "the old ladies' building" …..(my son says, sort of jokingly, "well Mom what do you think you are?"). They're part of this development and nice, but small. But, I can pay the rent, thankfully. I've put my name on the waiting list for a first floor, 2 bedroom apt.. I could take a 1 bedroom also, but then I couldn't have a girlfriend come down from MD.
I guess we've all had difficult emotions during this pandemic time ….. I guess for me, it's probably about the same as for you all. But, my depression and anxiety have gone wild. It's mostly the depression …. I've actually pictured myself ending everything, but I don't have the guts. I hate living like this and yet I'm afraid to die – all this from a born-again Christian. I've tried to find a job – part-time, but when they see my age, there's some excuse …. I'm 75 and in good health and don't look nearly my age – that's genetic from my Dad. 90% of the jobs are posted on line, on Indeed, Glassdoor or one of those. Then you fill out their form (no interview at that point) and they decide from that – that's where the age comes in. You're out.
I have a Psychiatrist down here for meds., but he doesn't do therapy and believe it or not, there's not a Psychologist down here that does. I have so often wanted to get in the car and go to see my therapist in Frederick, MD. He helped me through an awful lot during 13 years. I have an appointment with him on Friday, via telephone, but it's not the same. He wants to do a video thing, but I can't do that ….. I don't like how I look – ever. I told him that.
I'm sorry, I'm just babbling, but I just feel awful. It's like back several years ago, I felt like I was sitting in a deep dark dirt hole, covered in a cold wet blanket, calling out to people, people would stop, look, and go on their way.
Thanks for listening,
abby

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Hello abbey I share your pain you are not along I can assure you that. I suffer from depression and anxiety Hansen been for 25 plus years. If you need to talk please writer back God Bless you vtxnsurf

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@amberpep

I don't know how to get to the end of all the posts I've had, so I've just put it here. I hope that's OK. I guess the end is near for this pandemic ….. or at least within the next 9 months or so. Those poor nurses and doctors, the people who set up tents, and everyone involved, should definitely get something very special, whether it's in the form of money, a long vacation, whatever …. I'm sure a lot of them need therapy.
The passed several months have been hell for me ….. I feel like the depression is just swallowing me up ….. it's always one thing after another, ever since I got divorced (I won't go into that now …. it's in here somewhere). I've been living in a low-income apartment, pretty much secluding myself which is typical even in the best of times. I am changing churches so I think I'll have some friends there. Anyhow, I've been here in this apartment for about 2-1/2 years, and now my rent has gone up. I simply cannot pay it, so that means moving. It has gone up by $60, which I know for most people isn't much, but for me, I live on my S.S. and my son who is generous enough to send me money at the beginning of each month, or I wouldn't make it. All of my S.S. goes to my rent now, and it wouldn't be enough with the increase. So, I'm going to have to move to what I call "the old ladies' building" …..(my son says, sort of jokingly, "well Mom what do you think you are?"). They're part of this development and nice, but small. But, I can pay the rent, thankfully. I've put my name on the waiting list for a first floor, 2 bedroom apt.. I could take a 1 bedroom also, but then I couldn't have a girlfriend come down from MD.
I guess we've all had difficult emotions during this pandemic time ….. I guess for me, it's probably about the same as for you all. But, my depression and anxiety have gone wild. It's mostly the depression …. I've actually pictured myself ending everything, but I don't have the guts. I hate living like this and yet I'm afraid to die – all this from a born-again Christian. I've tried to find a job – part-time, but when they see my age, there's some excuse …. I'm 75 and in good health and don't look nearly my age – that's genetic from my Dad. 90% of the jobs are posted on line, on Indeed, Glassdoor or one of those. Then you fill out their form (no interview at that point) and they decide from that – that's where the age comes in. You're out.
I have a Psychiatrist down here for meds., but he doesn't do therapy and believe it or not, there's not a Psychologist down here that does. I have so often wanted to get in the car and go to see my therapist in Frederick, MD. He helped me through an awful lot during 13 years. I have an appointment with him on Friday, via telephone, but it's not the same. He wants to do a video thing, but I can't do that ….. I don't like how I look – ever. I told him that.
I'm sorry, I'm just babbling, but I just feel awful. It's like back several years ago, I felt like I was sitting in a deep dark dirt hole, covered in a cold wet blanket, calling out to people, people would stop, look, and go on their way.
Thanks for listening,
abby

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@amberpep

Depression is, for me, a really hard thing to live with. I've been dealing with it officially for 18 years. I took a dive into that deep, dark hole in 2005, and it took more than 5 years to see any light. I'm a notch away from the hole now but I've learned to expect ups ( not very up) and downs (pretty far down). It's an ongoing journey.

I know from experience the desire to call it quits. I admitted myself to a nice 20 bedroom safe house for people who have attempted suicide back in November of '05. I was a basket case. I wasn't really safe when I checked out of the place, but I wanted to be home for Christmas. With only two slips I'm at the place where the thoughts aren't intrusive anymore.

I retired (at 55) in '06, from the ministry. I know too well the stigma of mental health illnesses in the Christian world. Things that have been said to me about the depression and other issues have been less than helpful. "You need to pray more", and "You need more faith", or the worst one, "The devil is in you". And many other things that show ignorance.

I certainly don't buy into the notion that Christians should never be depressed. We are human beings, subject to every sickness that everyone is.

My therapist closed his office and I see him on Zoom for the duration of the pandemic. It's better than just talking on the phone, but not the same as face to face. I've been seeing the therapists the the hospital provides because they accept Medicare. I didn't like the last one, so I didn't have anyone for 18 months, until I found my current one online. He's the only one I know in private practice who accepts Medicare. I'm still in the get acquainted stage, but we're beginning to dig down to the painful places.

We live on our S. S. checks, too. It's a challenge. Recently somehow we were qualified for other forms of assistance. We don't pay any Medicare premium or premiums for supplemental insurance, and our medications only cost a maximum of $3.60 a month. Some of the meds were costing $80 and more. And we got a jump on EBT, from $16 a month to $300. All of these things will surely make our financial situation a lot less stressful.

I wanted to write more, but it's after midnight and I need my sleep. Hang on. There's beauty all around us, and it costs us nothing. I'll be checking back with you tomorrow evening if I'm not too sore or tired from pulling weeds.

Jim

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