1. < Just Want to Talk

How about a laugh, (hopefully)

Posted by Leonard @jakedduck1, Dec 31, 2018

I believe laughter is the best medicine. Laughter has actually been scientifically proven to help people with depression issues.
Let’s give it a try so we can all get happy and feel better. Many Epilepsy forums I’ve been on had joke sections. I was probably the biggest joke of all since I didn’t get a lot of the jokes. They said the jokes couldn’t be above 4th grade level for me to understand them so my jokes may be rather simplistic but let’s give it a try.
Have a lovely day everyone,
Jake

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Just Want to Talk Support Group.

Leonard | @jakedduck1 | May 10, 2019
In reply to @lioness "@jakedduck1 Smart is my vote" + (show)
@lioness

@jakedduck1 Smart is my vote

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Linda, after you read the definition you’ll probably want to reconsider your vote.

Here is a clarification for the word DEVIOUS ladies

1. showing a skillful use of underhanded tactics to achieve goals.
"S/he's as devious as a politician needs to be"
synonyms: underhand, underhanded, deceitful, dishonest, dishonorable, disreputable, unethical, unprincipled, immoral, unscrupulous, fraudulent, cheating, dubious, dirty, unfair, treacherous, duplicitous, double-dealing, Janus-faced, below the belt, two-timing, two-faced, unsporting, unsportsmanlike; More

WELL??? It’s ok Linda, we all make mistakes.
Jake

REPLY
1 reply
lioness | @lioness | May 10, 2019
In reply to @jakedduck1 "Linda, after you read the definition you’ll probably want to reconsider your vote. Here is a..." + (show)
@jakedduck1

Linda, after you read the definition you’ll probably want to reconsider your vote.

Here is a clarification for the word DEVIOUS ladies

1. showing a skillful use of underhanded tactics to achieve goals.
"S/he's as devious as a politician needs to be"
synonyms: underhand, underhanded, deceitful, dishonest, dishonorable, disreputable, unethical, unprincipled, immoral, unscrupulous, fraudulent, cheating, dubious, dirty, unfair, treacherous, duplicitous, double-dealing, Janus-faced, below the belt, two-timing, two-faced, unsporting, unsportsmanlike; More

WELL??? It’s ok Linda, we all make mistakes.
Jake

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@jakedduck1 I must have missed that anyhow I'm as strAight as an arrow in dealings with people .

REPLY
Leonard | @jakedduck1 | May 10, 2019

A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer : Ma'am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer : Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer : Don't have one? Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer : I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can't do that. Officer : Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car. Officer : Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer : You what? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Older woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer2: Is this your car, ma'am? Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer2 : Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

REPLY
2 replies
Leonard | @jakedduck1 | May 10, 2019

A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to see what the engine had. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. “There’s no way they can catch a BMW,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, then 100, and finally reality hit him and he knew he shouldn’t run from the police, so he slowed down and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. “It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.” The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.” “Have a nice weekend,” said the officer and he walked away

REPLY
1 reply
lioness | @lioness | May 10, 2019
In reply to @jakedduck1 "A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate..." + (show)
@jakedduck1

A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to see what the engine had. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. “There’s no way they can catch a BMW,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, then 100, and finally reality hit him and he knew he shouldn’t run from the police, so he slowed down and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. “It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.” The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.” “Have a nice weekend,” said the officer and he walked away

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@jakedduck1 I like that one lol

REPLY
lioness | @lioness | May 10, 2019
In reply to @jakedduck1 "A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem,..." + (show)
@jakedduck1

A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer : Ma'am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer : Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer : Don't have one? Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer : I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can't do that. Officer : Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car. Officer : Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer : You what? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Older woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer2: Is this your car, ma'am? Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer2 : Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

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@jakedduck1 Women are smart and devious lol

REPLY
Leonard | @jakedduck1 | May 10, 2019

THIS ONE IS GREAT, imo....
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

REPLY
Leonard | @jakedduck1 | May 13, 2019

Wife-honey can you help me clean the garden
husband-do I look like a gardener
Wife-OK how about fixing the bathroom door husband-do I look like a carpenter Then the husband walks out he comes back and he finds the garden clean and the bathroom door has been fixed. See I knew you could do these things without my help.
Wife-I didn’t do it, John our neighbor did
husband-how much did you pay him
No money, he gave me two options bread or sex
husband- I hope you gave him bread
wife- do I look like a baker?
Jake

REPLY
1 reply
lioness | @lioness | May 13, 2019
In reply to @jakedduck1 "Wife-honey can you help me clean the garden husband-do I look like a gardener Wife-OK how..." + (show)
@jakedduck1

Wife-honey can you help me clean the garden
husband-do I look like a gardener
Wife-OK how about fixing the bathroom door husband-do I look like a carpenter Then the husband walks out he comes back and he finds the garden clean and the bathroom door has been fixed. See I knew you could do these things without my help.
Wife-I didn’t do it, John our neighbor did
husband-how much did you pay him
No money, he gave me two options bread or sex
husband- I hope you gave him bread
wife- do I look like a baker?
Jake

Jump to this post

@jakedduck1 Lol That was cute ,see how smart women are ??

REPLY
1 reply
Leonard | @jakedduck1 | May 13, 2019
In reply to @lioness "@jakedduck1 Lol That was cute ,see how smart women are ??" + (show)
@lioness

@jakedduck1 Lol That was cute ,see how smart women are ??

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Linda Linda Linda, you are definitely a feminist. Now be honest, are you sure devious and vindictive don’t come to mind.
Jake

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