How about a laugh, (hopefully)

Posted by Leonard @jakedduck1, Dec 31, 2018

I believe laughter is the best medicine. Laughter has actually been scientifically proven to help people with depression issues.
Let’s give it a try so we can all get happy and feel better. Many Epilepsy forums I’ve been on had joke sections. I was probably the biggest joke of all since I didn’t get a lot of the jokes. They said the jokes couldn’t be above 4th grade level for me to understand them so my jokes may be rather simplistic but let’s give it a try.
Have a lovely day everyone,
Jake

SPOUSAL TANDEM

A tandem rider is stopped by a police car.

"What've I done, officer?" asks the rider.

"Perhaps you didn't notice, sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back . . ."

"Oh, thank God for that," says the rider – "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

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A NERD AND HIS NEW BIKE

A nerd was walking down the sidewalk one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.

The first nerd was stunned by his friend's sweet ride and asked, "WOW! Where did you get such a nice bike?"

The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home, minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!'"

The second nerd nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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Hans and Olga woke excited. They got up early to get all their chores done and have everything spic and span. Ole and Lena were coming to visit today for the first time. Ordinarily the trip would take two days, but now that the new super highway was done they would be able to make the trip in one day. By 11 am Hans and Olga had everything cleaned and a nice meal cooking. The table was set with their best dishes and linens. A mason jar of field flowers sat in the middle of the table. Finally there was nothing left to do but wait. They decided to take cups of coffee to the front porch and watch for Ole and Lena to come down the road. At noon Olga went in and turned off the stove. There was no sign of Ole and Lena. They should have been there by now, they had left at 3 am. At 2 pm Hans and Olga could wait no more and went in to eat something. Olga stowed the food and started something fresh for dinner. Then they went back to the porch to watch and wait. Growing more and more anxious they waited all afternoon until they had to do evening chores. They waited until 9 pm to eat some of the dinner and stow the food. Hans and Olga were extremely worried by now. It was after dark and they began to wonder if Ole and Lena had been in an accident or some other tragedy had befallen them. At 11 pm Hans and Olga gave up and went to bed, only to be woken at 2 am by the arrival of Ole and Lena. The friends all hugged and shared greetings, followed by Olga getting out food and making coffee for the late travelers. After eating and resting a bit, Hans asked Ole why it took them so long? Had they had trouble along the way? "No," Ole responded, "It was the new highway"
Hans did not understand how the highway could make their trip so long. This time Lena responded, "It was the rest stops. They were every 20 miles!"
Hans and Olga were still baffled. How could rest stops make their friends' trip so long?
"Well," Lena replied, "Every one had a sign that said Clean Rest Rooms!"
As Hans and Olga still appeared confused, Ole added, "We had to stop at every rest stop to clean the rest rooms! Some of them were a real mess!"

REPLY
@2011panc

Hans and Olga woke excited. They got up early to get all their chores done and have everything spic and span. Ole and Lena were coming to visit today for the first time. Ordinarily the trip would take two days, but now that the new super highway was done they would be able to make the trip in one day. By 11 am Hans and Olga had everything cleaned and a nice meal cooking. The table was set with their best dishes and linens. A mason jar of field flowers sat in the middle of the table. Finally there was nothing left to do but wait. They decided to take cups of coffee to the front porch and watch for Ole and Lena to come down the road. At noon Olga went in and turned off the stove. There was no sign of Ole and Lena. They should have been there by now, they had left at 3 am. At 2 pm Hans and Olga could wait no more and went in to eat something. Olga stowed the food and started something fresh for dinner. Then they went back to the porch to watch and wait. Growing more and more anxious they waited all afternoon until they had to do evening chores. They waited until 9 pm to eat some of the dinner and stow the food. Hans and Olga were extremely worried by now. It was after dark and they began to wonder if Ole and Lena had been in an accident or some other tragedy had befallen them. At 11 pm Hans and Olga gave up and went to bed, only to be woken at 2 am by the arrival of Ole and Lena. The friends all hugged and shared greetings, followed by Olga getting out food and making coffee for the late travelers. After eating and resting a bit, Hans asked Ole why it took them so long? Had they had trouble along the way? "No," Ole responded, "It was the new highway"
Hans did not understand how the highway could make their trip so long. This time Lena responded, "It was the rest stops. They were every 20 miles!"
Hans and Olga were still baffled. How could rest stops make their friends' trip so long?
"Well," Lena replied, "Every one had a sign that said Clean Rest Rooms!"
As Hans and Olga still appeared confused, Ole added, "We had to stop at every rest stop to clean the rest rooms! Some of them were a real mess!"

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!funny but cute

Liked by Leonard

REPLY
@jakedduck1

@2011panc
Thank you for the jokes.
Those were funny.
Jake

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@jakedduck1 Hi Leonard, I’m “semi-new” at getting around in Connect. I’ve got s question. Why do some postings only show when you hit “view or reply” to another post? I miss so much because I assume every post comes through my e-mails. I only saw all these other jokes when I hit “view or reply” to finish 1 of your jokes. They have given me a lift! Thanks! ….. Karen

Liked by Leonard

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@karenn00

Hi,
I am going to reply to you question . The emails that show up in your email account every day are the current ones…the newest ones. When you go to that group or click on view and reply you will see the complete post and also all the other ones. In the right hand corner there is an option to view posts from oldest to newest or from newest to oldest. I usually choose the later because I have been on this site for a while. If you want to see all the posts for that group, then choose oldest to newest. When you go to home page, you will see all the groups that are available…like hearing loss for example. Click on the ones you want to follow on a regular basis and , in your daily digest (the email that you get in your email account from Mayo everyday) it will show you how many updates there are for that day in those groups that you want to follow…in other words how many new posts there were for that particular group.

Hope I was able to answer that correctly. If you reply to this post, it will show up in my gmail account right away.

Regards from FL Mary

REPLY
@imallears

@karenn00

Hi,
I am going to reply to you question . The emails that show up in your email account every day are the current ones…the newest ones. When you go to that group or click on view and reply you will see the complete post and also all the other ones. In the right hand corner there is an option to view posts from oldest to newest or from newest to oldest. I usually choose the later because I have been on this site for a while. If you want to see all the posts for that group, then choose oldest to newest. When you go to home page, you will see all the groups that are available…like hearing loss for example. Click on the ones you want to follow on a regular basis and , in your daily digest (the email that you get in your email account from Mayo everyday) it will show you how many updates there are for that day in those groups that you want to follow…in other words how many new posts there were for that particular group.

Hope I was able to answer that correctly. If you reply to this post, it will show up in my gmail account right away.

Regards from FL Mary

Jump to this post

@imallears
Hi Mary,
Thank you for answering Karen’s question. You did a much better job than I would have.
Thanks much,
Jake

REPLY
@jakedduck1

@imallears
Hi Mary,
Thank you for answering Karen’s question. You did a much better job than I would have.
Thanks much,
Jake

Jump to this post

@jakeduck

Hi Jake,

And you tell better jokes than I ever did. That’s why my email starts out as hahamary…..those were very drawn outs hahas…not real laughs if you get my drift. But I am a funny person…more of a comeback type rather than a story teller , except when it comes to my family when growing up…..then I have real stories that should one day wind up in a book…cast of characters my family was…..ah…so good to laugh, chuckle, smile….keep them coming.

Regards from FL Mary

REPLY
@imallears

@karenn00

Hi,
I am going to reply to you question . The emails that show up in your email account every day are the current ones…the newest ones. When you go to that group or click on view and reply you will see the complete post and also all the other ones. In the right hand corner there is an option to view posts from oldest to newest or from newest to oldest. I usually choose the later because I have been on this site for a while. If you want to see all the posts for that group, then choose oldest to newest. When you go to home page, you will see all the groups that are available…like hearing loss for example. Click on the ones you want to follow on a regular basis and , in your daily digest (the email that you get in your email account from Mayo everyday) it will show you how many updates there are for that day in those groups that you want to follow…in other words how many new posts there were for that particular group.

Hope I was able to answer that correctly. If you reply to this post, it will show up in my gmail account right away.

Regards from FL Mary

Jump to this post

@imallears Hi Fl Mary. I understand about choosing oldest to newest, but that doesn’t explain why those posts aren’t sent to my email.

Liked by Leonard

REPLY
@karen00

@imallears Hi Fl Mary. I understand about choosing oldest to newest, but that doesn’t explain why those posts aren’t sent to my email.

Jump to this post

@karen00, you receive emails for all new posts for the groups you follow and discussions you have participated in. Additionally, you receive a Daily Digest with the summary of the day's activity. It is possible that you discover different emails in your Digest, which is great.

Click on your name to see your profile details and which groups you follow. Learn more about setting your notification preferences in this guide: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/get-started-on-connect/

REPLY
@colleenyoung

@karen00, you receive emails for all new posts for the groups you follow and discussions you have participated in. Additionally, you receive a Daily Digest with the summary of the day's activity. It is possible that you discover different emails in your Digest, which is great.

Click on your name to see your profile details and which groups you follow. Learn more about setting your notification preferences in this guide: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/get-started-on-connect/

Jump to this post

@colleenyoung
Hi there,
Thank you for your help. I was wondering how to explain it so it made sense. Glad you and @imallears took over.
Thanks kids,
Jake

REPLY
@colleenyoung

@karen00, you receive emails for all new posts for the groups you follow and discussions you have participated in. Additionally, you receive a Daily Digest with the summary of the day's activity. It is possible that you discover different emails in your Digest, which is great.

Click on your name to see your profile details and which groups you follow. Learn more about setting your notification preferences in this guide: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/get-started-on-connect/

Jump to this post

@colleenyoung Thanks Colleen!

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@imallears

@jakeduck

Hi Jake,

And you tell better jokes than I ever did. That’s why my email starts out as hahamary…..those were very drawn outs hahas…not real laughs if you get my drift. But I am a funny person…more of a comeback type rather than a story teller , except when it comes to my family when growing up…..then I have real stories that should one day wind up in a book…cast of characters my family was…..ah…so good to laugh, chuckle, smile….keep them coming.

Regards from FL Mary

Jump to this post

@imallears
Hi Mary,
I’m not much of a story or joke teller either but I can copy with the best.
Joke

REPLY
@karen00

@imallears Hi Fl Mary. I understand about choosing oldest to newest, but that doesn’t explain why those posts aren’t sent to my email.

Jump to this post

@karenn00

Hi,

Only NEW posts are sent . You don’t want pages of old posts sent to your mail every time someone posts a comment. especially if you are following more than one group. That would be redundant. You can view any old posts on any group once you log on.

Hope that makes sense.

FL Mary

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Not exactly a belly laugh but…….

A man wants a pet

A man wants a pet. So he visits his local pet shop and inquires .

Man: “I want an obedient pet. One that would do anything I ask of it no matter what”.
The store clerk: “I know exactly what you need”.

The clerk steps out back for a few minutes and returns with a tiny box containing a centipede.

Man: “A centipede, really?”
Clerk: “Yes, trust me”
Man: “Sold!”

The man takes his new pet back home and immediately starts giving orders.

Man: “I am going to go cook in the kitchen. I would like you to clean this entire living room. Make it spic and span.”

After the man finished cooking and eating, he returns to his living in the most well-kept state it has ever been. Dusting, organizing, and everything in between was taken care of. He is amazed.

Man: “Okay, that was really cool. Now I want you to do the same for the kitchen”

After relaxing on the couch, he checks on the kitchen to find it in a perfect state of cleanliness as well. He just couldn’t believe how amazing this centipede was.

One Sunday morning, he tasks the centipede to go out and get the newspaper. The centipede steps outside to fetch it.

10 minutes go by…
30 minutes…
1 hour…

Impatient and confused, the man steps outside to see the centipede still at the front of the door with no newspaper

Man: “Where’s my newspaper?! It’s been an hour!!”
Centipede: “I AM STILL PUTTING MY SHOES ON!!!”

REPLY
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