Down in the dumps again – challenges with adult children

Posted by kdo0827 @kdo0827, Dec 27, 2018

Hi everyone! It’s been awhile since I’ve posted. I started taking Cymbalta and got off the other stuff. I was doing better but the past 2 months or so not so good. I’m struggling with feeling invisible and I’m feeling very unappreciated. I feel my kids only call when they want something or have a problem. They never ask how I’m feeling nor do they try and help. I had a procedure done yesterday and neither one bothered to check on me. Adding this to my depression isn’t good. Do any of you have these same feelings about your kids?What should I do?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

Parus | @parus | Dec 29, 2018

In reply to @654321 "Love it ! This has been a wonderful day . Fun and helpful . Thanks for..." + (show)

@654321 Yes, it has been a wonderful day! Started out with the duldrums and feeling better now thanks to all of the cyber friends. Yeah team!!

catcatanzaro60 | @catcatanzaro60 | Dec 29, 2018

In reply to @kdo0827 "I’m so sorry you’ve had such a hard journey. My husband and my oldest daughter are..." + (show)

Thanks so much for saying this!!!! This site is such a Blessing. I am sorry if I came out like a whiny little brat before but there is so much more I am a wonderful person inside - I was always on the GO Go Go ! I never stop helping my children and others. I love life. On my facebook it says Look for the good in everything and everyone ! I am not kidding. I worry about my first born because I am so afraid she is gonna die young. She is almost 40. She is a genius that just gave up. She is into drugs and the kids love her to death anyway. But they raised themselves. She has never forgiven me for something. I am so ashamed, of, but she has made me pay dearly. I guess I wish I could just hold her so tight. Get up and start caring about others and yourself. My counselor told me to let the kids go. My ex molested by son in diapers. He got away with it because he was a narc. He convinced the kids I was crazy. Nobody wants to even talk about this. I do not say anything to my kids about the past. My son is a mess. I will not go into details but my ex was bi too I lived a Christian life for 30 years. He is psychopathic and narcissistic. I was so naive in life. It is a long story that people would find hard to believe I have always been patient and helped so many children; special needs etc. I am beginning to think that the Cymbalta has changed my life. I never stayed home. All I ever wanted was to have family over with the grandkids on the weekends etc. I lived my whole life for my children. If I dont accept the past and let it go in my head I will never be able to move on in life. Again I am sorry for coming across so whiny. I have PTSD/ ADHD . You can see it in my thoughts wondering around in the posts Happy New Years If anyone was on Cymbalta with side effects of not leaving the house or driving let me know. Ps, I have been walking around my yard with Duke (DOG)thinking about life. Happy New Years!

Parus | @parus | Dec 30, 2018

In reply to @catcatanzaro60 "Thanks so much for saying this!!!! This site is such a Blessing. I am sorry if..." + (show)

@catcatanzaro60

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@catcatanzaro60 I see no need for the apology as nearly all of us have been there. I have done my share and found other members to be supportive. There are times I don’t make sense either. PTSD can do this. It is not a comfortable place to be. I know I sound crazy and making the racket in my head calm down is not easy. I know when I am like this I just want it to stop!!! It is hard to explain to someone else. I do get it. Not fun 🙁

Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | Dec 30, 2018

@afrobin- I think that you are talking about extremes. I believe that some of us are simply saying that a bit of appreciation and concern is an appropriate response be an adult child. I also think that not saying thank you for gifts is inappropriate behavior for an adult child. I am not talking about adult children with severe mental health problems.
When I fly to visit my son, who lives on the opposite coast from me he picks me up. He lives about 3/4 hr away and unless my husband and I rent a car I expect him to do this. I do not feel that he is burdened by this, nor does he.
I think that when our kids have kids their thoughts should be with their kids and what's best for them. If a child has trouble sleeping then interrupting a nap might not be the best idea. Some kids adapt very well to being woken up and taken anywhere, some don't. When I was a young mother I really hated to wake my son up, for anything. I missed doing things and felt selfish sometimes but that's what I did.
Perhaps we need to make alternate plans if our children can't make it to pick us up, take us to an appointment, or whatever. If I lived alone and my son lived near me then I would not hesitate to ask him to help me out. I do feel like a pain when I have to rely on anyone, but that's what mine does. I think that there is a difference between being a burden and being a part of a family.

Parus | @parus | Dec 30, 2018

In reply to @thankful "@mickj, @kdo0827- Interesting conversation. My 2 older daughters (29 & 38) all in are great kids..." + (show)

@thankful Old fashioned works for me. I have found I usually start the text and have learned to be brief. Emojis are nice too. I am adapting in some ways. I now have an iPhone and still learning. Spell check can be hysterical as well as embarrassing. I now spend more time here at connect. I have to monitor myself. WOW! I have the whole world in my hand!!

Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Dec 30, 2018

In reply to @merpreb "@AFRobin- I think that you are talking about extremes. I believe that some of us are..." + (show)

@merpreb This has been an interesting discussion. First, I have no kids. Never wanted them. I have been married since last April to a man with 2 grown kids, now 39 and 34. I haven't had the experience of raising kids nor dealing with the issues you all I have spoken of. I do see my step children, 2 complete opposite personalities. One is loving and in contact regularly, even though he lives 800 miles away and is a long haul trucker. He will often route through here to stop for dinner or take his 30 hours down when possible. The other lives 30 miles away and we go months with no contact, no call/text/email.
Ginger

Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | Dec 30, 2018

It has indeed ginger-The world of raising children is indeed the most difficult- somewhere between heaven and hell. Massive tome have been written about it and still, nothing changes. We just hope that they grow up to be nice, decent human beings who are healthy and happy. A lot don't make it.