Down in the dumps again – challenges with adult children

@hopeful33250 Oh my we certainly do. I have started to realize I am the only one to adjust my attitude as there is no one else to do so. I am guilty of groveling in my own gravy at times.

Hey y’all I need all of the help I can get!! I have been reading some insightful, encouraging and,oh yes, humorous comments. We can all have our moments. I know I have!! I did teach my children to be respectful of the boundaries of others and by golly they did listen. I know I started feeling better when I ceased all the worrying about them. I know I don’t want them worrying about me. Hey we have succeeded in more ways than we realize.

It definitely irritates me too. They assume you sit around and mope and complain all the time! They assume you don’t do anything but I would assume most of us do get out, volunteer or try to do something. Depression is due to a chemical imbalance so taking a walk isn’t the cure, nor is reading a book! I’m truly trying, I just need some compassion and help.

I absolutely agree that we should try and create a full life that doesn’t revolve around our children – after all, didn’t someone say that the quickest way to get your child’s attention is to sit down, relax and look comfortable?
But that’s much easier said than done, especially with depression. "Depression" is simply a label which really tells us nothing about the who/what/when/why of depression. There’s no life hack or “10 easy steps” to deal with it; Being “strong” or trying new medication or a new psychiatrist doesn’t make it go away. Each person deals with depression in their own way, and I have to say this – I have deep admiration for all of you for being members on Connect, because it means you’re here to read, to share, to take care of yourself and to help others.

I’ve been blessed with 3 great kids, who are beautiful, decent, responsible (most of the time) people. But, as a mother, I’ve come to realize that it’s an art to raise kids! Having kids can be a joy, a challenge, a pain in the..., a miracle, and it takes tremendous strength to be a parent – and we realize this only when children grow up and no longer depend on us!

The irony is that they are only doing what we’ve taught them to do. We teach them to respect others’ space, to not intrude; we teach them to be assertive, to speak-up; as parents, we impose our need for “readiness” on them, or we try to make sure that they know what they want to do for the rest of their lives...at the age of 18! We tell them to “get a life” and yet we feel replaced, hurt, irrelevant when they are leading their own lives and are adults with their own ideas, or when they tell us they need “space” – instead of saying Thank You – at least I do:)

I’ve (reluctantly) realized that my daughter is no longer fascinated by a graphic description of some event – but perhaps my friends are:) And just because my son doesn’t “check-in” with a text or a phone call regularly, doesn’t mean he doesn’t like me – what’s going on in the college library (or he wants me to believe he’s in the ‘library’) is so much more urgent than what’s going on with his parents!
Now, when I complain about how supportive we’ve been, given them what they need, sacrificed for them, I’ve heard at least one of them mumble “Martyr Alert!!”

When people say, "To understand a parent's love you must raise children yourself,” they may be onto something; I catch myself hoping that someday my children will have lots of kids of their own...who behave exactly like their parents did:)

It definitely irritates me too. They assume you sit around and mope and complain all the time! They assume you don’t do anything but I would assume most of us do get out, volunteer or try to do something. Depression is due to a chemical imbalance so taking a walk isn’t the cure, nor is reading a book! I’m truly trying, I just need some compassion and help.

@654321 I’ll go!. How far? Chocolate is a cure-all!

Ok folks field trip!!! Chocolate factory anyone ?

You are right about that, @parus. Sometimes groveling in gravy feels good for a time but it does get old quite quickly - on to better days ahead.