Down in the dumps again – challenges with adult children

@frangreen1143 I do this with my adult children. I know how busy they are and do not feel they owe me because I am their mother. I owe them respect as adults. I have lots of love and they know this. I am thankful I do not add to their already stressful life.

I certainly don’t think my kids owe me because I’m their mom but I do expect a thank you for gifts. I know they’re busy and we do text but when I’m going through medical issues and they know it, I can’t help but feel a little sad that they don’t ask how things went-such as procedures. I’ll get over it, I just wanted to share my feelings.

@kdo0827- I agree wholeheartedly with you. And you are welcome to share your feelings whenever you wish and we all are here for you. Kids can be very hurtful. Have you spoken to them about how upset this has made you feel? All kids should be very thankful for what we do as parents.

No I haven’t said anything. I don’t want to burden them and I’ve decided to make some changes for 2019. Hubby and I are going to start spending some money on us. Regular date nights, coffee on Saturdays, etc. Nothing expensive but it’s time for us now.

@kdo0827 This is one of the healthiest posts I have read in this thread. I believe your children would like this decision too. Doing my Snoopy happy dance.

It is hard but I am undergoing same problem and realize I cannot change children. Hope you start to feel better.

@kdo0827- On the other side my mother, who is a spry 88 yr. old who lives by herself and is very active volunteering and still drives some has 5 children with me being the oldest and closest (about 2 hrs. away). It seems that my youngest brother (who lives one state away) calls & travel to see her regularly. My middle brother just went (3 hrs. away) to visit her and was supposed to stay 2 days with his wife and at the last moment his wife decided she was to busy and he only stayed overnight. My mom has fusssed about meals & possible sights to see & for the most part they stayed home. When I asked how the visit went it was all about him and he really never asked how she was doing? He even commented that she looked like she gained some weight? Go figure? My 2 sisters have not visited her for over 2 years. They talk on the phone occasionally, but usually it more about their issues. Again not really asking "How are you doing mom"? "What have you been up to"? One is out of state and the other just 3 hrs. away. I just believe people have become so self consummed and they just don't think about loved ones like we used to? The youngest & oldest (57- 66) so we are not talking about young people anymore. My mom learns more about what is going on with my siblings by looking at their FB page. Very strange and sad!

I believe you’re right. Just today I was telling my husband that we only received 5 Christmas cards this year. We sent out around 45-50. He said I was just an old fashioned kind soul and that people are just too busy. I guess but I took the time to do it and heck it’s just once a year. Social media can be a good thing but it seems to consume a lot of people’s time. I gave up FB for the 10 days before Christmas it was amazing at how much more time I had. I’d like to see everyone slow down and get back to spending time with their family.

kdo0827- Good for both of you!! Jim @thankful

Thanks Jim!!