Sister still drinking despite consequences, any advice?

I wish I could help Craig. I've been sober 16 plus years now. I hit bottom and couldn't stand myself and asked for help, and AA was only too happy to accommodate me.

But I don't know why one day I behaved just like your sister - not drinking was a non-starter - and then the next day I knew I had a problem, needed help, stopped drinking and got help from my Dr and then AA.

I hope your sister sees that light. It really is up to her.

It's a new and infinitely better life being sober.

Joe

@craigcraig I hope she finds her way and can then mend the family back together if possible. I’m a believer of possibilities.

@heyjoe415 Thanks for the insite Joe. Much appreciated.

@jenatsky Thank you for the encouragement. I too believe in possibilities.

You're welcome Craig. I wish I could be of more help. I've been where your sister is, and my wife has been where you are. It's frustrating to think you can't convince your sister to get sober.

For most recovering alcoholics, there is usually one event, the "bottom", where the addict realizes life is too miserable and that help is needed. It does help that you continue to remind her of the damage she is doing to herself, and especially the damage and heartbreak she is inflicting on you and others.

You could make a simple request and ask her to attend an AA meeting. This alone may not be enough, but if she goes in with open eyes, she'll see that there are many others with exactly the same problems, and how they are overcoming.

One last word of caution - it is very risky for an alcoholic to quit without the help of detox and Drs who do that work. It only takes about a week to get over physical addiction to alcohol, but just stopping without other meds and the oversight of a detox clinic can be trouble.

I wish you and your sister all the best. And please reach out anytime.

Joe

Thank you Joe you are again an encouragement to me. You remind me there is hope. She had cut me off from communications with her (still has) when I told her either do the Raleigh House outpatient or risk losing her health (already has) , her sons (pretty close) and her freedom (she just has). But she still talks a little to my brother who called here and talked to my wife yesterday. My Bro found out from one of my sister's few friends left. In the last few days she decided to bag Raleigh House till she has more time (really , she is retired, what a lie). Then got drunk , crashed her car a third time and was arrested by Douglas County Sheriffs and spent a night in jail before bailing herself out. But now agreed to do Inpatient !!! Her first day is supposed to be today. Praying she hit bottom as you did 16 years ago. I would have loved her trying AA but her not believing in a higher power nor even admitting a problem took that option out. But praying she shows up today and they give her drugs and keep her for a while. I got an email this morning with your latest response and it gave me hope she has hit bottom. Thanks again. Have a great July.

@craigcraig I have read all the comments and I empathize with your situation. I see both sides, honestly. I am in recovery and have been sober for several years now. I am 55 years old and was in treatment at 14, 19, 30 and detox again at 41 (I think, hard to remember). Anyway, my mom use to say, "as long as you were alive, we had hope." (my family). My partner of 28 years died from this disease. He was 56 years old. It is a reality. Having said that, he was the same when it came to AA. I suggest you read the first 146 pages of the AA Big Book. It might help you understand her, how you can help or not, there is a specific chapter to the Agnostics, and family. I also think Al-anon would help. They are available on Zoom if you don't want to get out. You don't even have to say anything, you can just listen. She is the only one who has the choice. If she is entertaining treatment, whether outpatient or inpatient, that is a good sign. Sounds like the justice system is enabling her. Maybe this latest DUI will produce some results. Sometimes judges will order treatment in lieu of jail, put an ankle monitor on that can detect alcohol...I hope so. I know this is brutal to watch. When I got sober 12/16/17, I was at the bottom. My brother refused to talk to me unless I quit drinking. I am going to post a link to the Big Book, here. I will also post al-anon information. Hang in there. One day at a time. I know it is painful to watch and to be powerless over her alcoholism.

https://www.aa.org/the-big-book
https://al-anon.org/

@diverdown1 Thank you diverdown1. Thank you for both all the excellent information and advice. And congratulations on your surviving and staying sober for several years now !!! Yet another example for me of a person who is succeeding with this. Thanks again and best of luck to you.

@craigcraig Since your sister is that reckless and defiant about driving drunk, I would do whatever it takes to make sure she can't drive. That would be my top priority. In Minnesota it is possible to submit a formal request to DVS for examination of an at-risk driver. It would require her to be evaluated by a certain date, otherwise her license is cancelled. I would also call 911 to report a suspected drunk driver *any time* you know she is driving. Get the police all up in her business. And if I knew the specific circumstances of the sitaution, I could come up with more ideas. The bottom line is, I would not accept "there's nothing we could do". Personally I would not be able to live with myself if she ended up hurting or killing someone while drunk driving, knowing that this is a tragedy waiting to happen.