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Sister still drinking despite consequences, any advice?
Hi. I had a liver transplant and am not a drinker. Never really was much of one except for college. My sister is 61 and recently divorced with two adult kids. Her drinking was the biggest factor in her divorce. She finally hit bottom in her family's eyes with a DUI and was too drunk to show up for her court date. Only a very good lawyer has kept her out of jail. She has also got drunk and fallen 3 times and has had 2 brain surgeries. Somehow minor enough to be shortly released. She somehow still lives to drink (in our eyes and behind everyone's back). Has had terrible fights and has cut off most of her sons, friends brothers, mom, etc. . Admits now she has a problem but still lies whenever her mouth opens and refuses inpatient or outpatient treatment. And continues to believe she can drink and "just cut down" despite 3 serious falls, two accidents , two brain surgeries, excetera in the last 6 months. My wife, brother , nephews, friends and I have strongly counseled her to get help before she kills herself or someone else. But she defies logic and insists she can live without treatment/help and has either broken off relations with or barely puts up with her circle of people. I know it has to be her decision and I (we) can't do it for her but any suggestions from you guys who have more experience in this topic than I do. Than you.
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I wish I could help Craig. I've been sober 16 plus years now. I hit bottom and couldn't stand myself and asked for help, and AA was only too happy to accommodate me.
But I don't know why one day I behaved just like your sister - not drinking was a non-starter - and then the next day I knew I had a problem, needed help, stopped drinking and got help from my Dr and then AA.
I hope your sister sees that light. It really is up to her.
It's a new and infinitely better life being sober.
Joe
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1 Reaction@craigcraig I hope she finds her way and can then mend the family back together if possible. I’m a believer of possibilities.
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1 Reaction@heyjoe415 Thanks for the insite Joe. Much appreciated.
@jenatsky Thank you for the encouragement. I too believe in possibilities.
You're welcome Craig. I wish I could be of more help. I've been where your sister is, and my wife has been where you are. It's frustrating to think you can't convince your sister to get sober.
For most recovering alcoholics, there is usually one event, the "bottom", where the addict realizes life is too miserable and that help is needed. It does help that you continue to remind her of the damage she is doing to herself, and especially the damage and heartbreak she is inflicting on you and others.
You could make a simple request and ask her to attend an AA meeting. This alone may not be enough, but if she goes in with open eyes, she'll see that there are many others with exactly the same problems, and how they are overcoming.
One last word of caution - it is very risky for an alcoholic to quit without the help of detox and Drs who do that work. It only takes about a week to get over physical addiction to alcohol, but just stopping without other meds and the oversight of a detox clinic can be trouble.
I wish you and your sister all the best. And please reach out anytime.
Joe
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2 ReactionsThank you Joe you are again an encouragement to me. You remind me there is hope. She had cut me off from communications with her (still has) when I told her either do the Raleigh House outpatient or risk losing her health (already has) , her sons (pretty close) and her freedom (she just has). But she still talks a little to my brother who called here and talked to my wife yesterday. My Bro found out from one of my sister's few friends left. In the last few days she decided to bag Raleigh House till she has more time (really , she is retired, what a lie). Then got drunk , crashed her car a third time and was arrested by Douglas County Sheriffs and spent a night in jail before bailing herself out. But now agreed to do Inpatient !!! Her first day is supposed to be today. Praying she hit bottom as you did 16 years ago. I would have loved her trying AA but her not believing in a higher power nor even admitting a problem took that option out. But praying she shows up today and they give her drugs and keep her for a while. I got an email this morning with your latest response and it gave me hope she has hit bottom. Thanks again. Have a great July.