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Any advice ?
Hi. I had a liver transplant and am not a drinker. Never really was much of one except for college. My sister is 61 and recently divorced with two adult kids. Her drinking was the biggest factor in her divorce. She finally hit bottom in her family's eyes with a DUI and was too drunk to show up for her court date. Only a very good lawyer has kept her out of jail. She has also got drunk and fallen 3 times and has had 2 brain surgeries. Somehow minor enough to be shortly released. She somehow still lives to drink (in our eyes and behind everyone's back). Has had terrible fights and has cut off most of her sons, friends brothers, mom, etc. . Admits now she has a problem but still lies whenever her mouth opens and refuses inpatient or outpatient treatment. And continues to believe she can drink and "just cut down" despite 3 serious falls, two accidents , two brain surgeries, excetera in the last 6 months. My wife, brother , nephews, friends and I have strongly counseled her to get help before she kills herself or someone else. But she defies logic and insists she can live without treatment/help and has either broken off relations with or barely puts up with her circle of people. I know it has to be her decision and I (we) can't do it for her but any suggestions from you guys who have more experience in this topic than I do. Than you.
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@craigcraig
I hope she doesn't drive. If so I hope you report her to the driving authorities.
Jake
@jakedduck1 Authorities, police , courts are aware of her recent driving issues (plural). A liberal judge allows her to continue to drive because "she needs to" despite her being retired and having uber. We have warned her other lives are at stake. Despite two auto issues and three falls down stairs and three trips to the hospital she claims we are overblowing this and she can handle it.
@craigcraig
I needed to drive too but after having a seizure it's a complete suspension for 1 year on California, no exceptions.
My dad was paralyzed from the neck down from a hit and run drunk driver. I also knew a man who was drunk who killed 3 teenage girls when he run off a cliff. At least he went to prison for awhile. I pray someone will get through to your sister about the harm she's doing to her body and possibly other people. Be nice if you could have a device put on her car that wouldn't allow her to drive if she had alcohol in her system.
Jake
@jakedduck1 Very sorry for your loss. The judge declined to add such a device. Her two sons then removed her distributor cap which she promptly replaced and cut off further communication with one of the sons. Best of luck with your situation.
She’s an adult and still has the capacity to make her life decisions. She has decided that this is how she wishes to live her life and there isn’t much you can do from what you already tried. She may eventually hit rock bottom and then try to crawl back out of that terrible hole. Hopefully she’ll not take anyone else with her or hurt anyone else. Unfortunately in life some people just make bad choices for some reason that they may or may not recover from. You’re a good soul with a caring family and you’ve all tried your best short of criminally disabling her vehicle to get her to see the light without success.
You might consider contacting a therapist for you and/or extended family so you can get some insight into her mindset and self support in this difficult time. I am sorry for the situation you’re dealing with.
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1 ReactionAt the end of my active alcoholism I did not have a choice whether I drank or not. I was going to drink no matter what irrational behaviors were necessary.
In my opinion, you should try AlAnon. My wife learned: 1) she couldn't fix me, only I could fix me; and 2) it wasn't her job to fix me, I had to ask for help on my own once I hit my bottom.
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1 Reaction@jenatsky Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think you are right. She finally agreed with her other brother to go to Raleigh House, don't know if she actually showed up, but has since cut off contact with me. Thank you again.
@gusgundy Thank you for sharing. All sounds right. She agreed with other family to do an outpatient program but I have heard nothing since. Thanks again.
Make sure you are not enabling her . Housing? There are still a few out there. But it only works when she does the work. It is sadly not enough to know you have people you are the reason they cry. We cry too with each drink, hit, fix, or a pill that is stronger than we are. We all need to hold our own sit with it a bit then put it down. Just because we made a mistake doesn't mean we have to carry it for life. Learn from it be a better person. We can only offer up words and prayers for you and your family you are living with it as it is yours to carry. Love, pray, call authorities when they drive off drunk, try for mental health to help out. If she is willing and wanting to get better. Get in a support group for your self , you matter too.
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1 Reaction@melissa1963 Thank you Melissa. Her housing and finances are fine. I do pray for her. I am a person of faith but also of science (big time). She is neither. My brother and a doctor from one of her brain surgeries talked her into attending "Raleigh House" supposed to be the best in the Denver area. After I heard that I sent her an email. Very lovingly and humbly told her that her health , relationship with her sons and freedom (staying out of jail) all depend on her going through with it. She can either have a good future of a life or potentially lose it all if she does not do the outpatient program. She has cut me off since. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Everyone who shared we cannot do it for her seems to be right on. Thanks again.