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Finding Joy in the T

Posted by georgescraftjr @georgescraftjr, 5 days ago

In the forum for cancer support, someone posted discussion, "What Gives You Joy?" If people dealing with cancer can find joy, so can we caregivers of someone who has dementia.

I would love to know what gives you joy, and I want to share what gave me joy this morning.

Before I tell you about this morning's moment of joy, I realize that taking care of someone with dementia can reduce us to a demented version of our former selves: It gets tiresome answering the same questions; scheduling doctor appointments; refilling medications; washing soiled laundry right after putting on fresh linen or clothings, etc., over and over again. This is especially true when the person for whom we are caring are verbally abusive or otherwise unpleasant.

It's Sunday, and I'm enjoying my cup of coffee and listening to KDFC.
For those who are Christians, I know you are making a "joyful noise."
And for those of you who are not Christians, try to be of good cheer:

"...oh the towering feeling
Just to know somehow [he/she is] near
The overpowering feeling
That any second [he/she] may suddenly appear." --Frederick Loewe (music) and Alan Jay Lerner

Find your "Sunday in the Park":
https://www.allmusicals.com/lyrics/sundayintheparkwithgeorge/sunday.htm


Blessings,
George's Wife

P.S. I found this forum because "Someone left the cake out in the rain" and "I [didn't] think that I [could] take it" "‘Cause it took so long to bake it." -- Richard Harris

Gone are the days when George physically kissed me--and "the world stood still"; but thanks to this forum (my imaginary "high and windy hill"), you fellow caregivers "touched my silent heart and taught it how to sing." Because of your inspiration, I am even more certain that:

"Love is nature's way of giving, a reason to be living
The golden crown that makes a man a king." -- Sammy Fain and Paul Francis Webster

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

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shmerdloff | @shmerdloff | 4 days ago
In reply to @shmerdloff "@georgescraftjr Oh! Don't get me started: Left standing in the lurch in a church with people..." + (show)
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@georgescraftjr
Oh! Don't get me started:
Left standing in the lurch in a church with people saying "My God that's tough. She stood him up. No point in us remaining. We may as well go home. As I did on my own. Alone again. Naturally."
At 65 years old. My mother God rest her soul. Couldn't understand why the only man she had ever loved had been taken. Leaving her to doubt all about God and his mercy. For if He really does exist, why did He desert me? And in my hour of need, I truly am indeed-Alone again-
naturally.

And Albinioni's Adagio. Which he didn't write. And The Pav singing "Caruso."

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@shmerdloff

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georgescraftjr | @georgescraftjr | 3 days ago
In reply to @shmerdloff "@georgescraftjr Oh! Don't get me started: Left standing in the lurch in a church with people..." + (show)
Profile picture for shmerdloff @shmerdloff

@georgescraftjr
Oh! Don't get me started:
Left standing in the lurch in a church with people saying "My God that's tough. She stood him up. No point in us remaining. We may as well go home. As I did on my own. Alone again. Naturally."
At 65 years old. My mother God rest her soul. Couldn't understand why the only man she had ever loved had been taken. Leaving her to doubt all about God and his mercy. For if He really does exist, why did He desert me? And in my hour of need, I truly am indeed-Alone again-
naturally.

And Albinioni's Adagio. Which he didn't write. And The Pav singing "Caruso."

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@shmerdloff

You named another one of my all-time favorites!

"[Boy], you really got me goin'
You got me so I don't know what I'm doin'
Yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I can't sleep at night.

See, e.g.:

Purcell – Dido’s Lament
Arvo Pärt - Spiegel im Spiegel

Rachmaninoff - Adagio sostenuto (2nd movement) of his Piano Concerto No. 2 in C minor, Op. 18.

“Nimrod” (Variation IX) of Edward Elgar’s Enigma Variations (Op. 36)

Barber – Adagio for Strings

Rodrigo - Concierto de Aranjuez

Saint-Saëns - The Swan from Carnival of the Animals

Williams - Theme from Schindler’s List

P.S. Repent. Go read the Bible:

Hebrews 13:5b-6:

“‘I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,’ so that[I] confidently say, ‘[Be] not afraid..."

Love to you and all my fellow Forum members.

George's Wife

P.S. This Forum is my new "addiction." Thank you all for staying in touch. Hope some of you will be able to do that for the rest of our days. Thinking about withdrawals makes me want to have a second drink! (After we got George's diagnoses, I am having my daily libation guilt-free. I honestly don't want to live a day longer without him in my life. After all:

"What's it all about, [Caregivers]?
Is it just for the moment we live?
What's it all about when you sort it out, [Caregivers]?
Are we meant to take more than we give
Or are we meant to be kind?
And if only fools are kind, [Caregivers]
Then I guess it's wise to be cruel
And if life belongs only to the strong, [Caregivers]
What will you lend on an old golden rule?
As sure as I believe there's a heaven above, [Caregivers]
I know there's something much more
Something even non-believers can believe in
I believe in love, [Caregivers]."

If it wasn't for this Forum, which diverts my attention from personal and cosmic pain, I would be sucked into the drama created by the threats to our constitutional rights and democracy--and to the prospects of not being able to leave much of a legacy to our children and grandkids. Is that state of affairs in our country any worse or as bad as the prospects of a
WW III?

I thought that life was short, but fortunately (or unfortunately), I lived long enough to "Google" "UFC"--and to read about the recent spectacle on the White House lawn, which makes reading books about being a dementia caregiver something spiritual (not drudgery).

Thanks for listening.

George's Wife

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shmerdloff | @shmerdloff | 3 days ago

If God is with me, whom shall I fear. As my 2yo nephew repeats: It's OK It's OK It's OK.
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georgescraftjr | @georgescraftjr | 3 days ago
In reply to @callmegram "Lovely Day by Bill Withers is my favorite song, ever: When I wake up in the..." + (show)
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Lovely Day by Bill Withers is my favorite song, ever:

When I wake up in the morning, Love
And the sunlight hurts my eyes
And something without warning, Love
Bears heavy on my mind

Then I look at you
And the world's alright with me
Just one look at you
And I know it's gonna be
A lovely day...

When the day that lies ahead of me
Seems impossible to face
And when someone else instead of me
Always seems to know the way

Then I look at you
And the world's alright with me
Just one look at you
And I know it's gonna be
A lovely day...

This song used to make me think of my DH, but now I think of my grandkids when I hear it. Here's hoping you have a lovely day.

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@callmegram

Thanks for sharing--and for continuing to post.

Your song triggered memories of this song by Linda Ronstadt

"Just one look
And I fell so hard
In love
With you
Oh oh

I found out
How good it feels
To have
Your love
Oh oh

Say you will
Will be mine
Forever
And always
Oh oh

Just one look
And I knew
That you
Were my only one
Oh oh

I thought I was dreaming
But I was wrong
Oh yeah yeah
Ah but I'm gonna keep on scheming
'Til I can make you
Make you my own
You might also like
No Ordinary Love
Sade
You Ain’t Woman Enough (To Take My Man)
Loretta Lynn
Rolling in the Deep
Adele
So you see
I really care
Without you
I'm nothin'
Oh oh

Just one look
And I know
I'll get you
Someday
Oh oh

Just one look
That's all it took, hey
Just one look
That's all it took, woah
Just one look
That's it was baby
You know I love you baby
I'll build my world around you
Come on baby"

...and what about this song by Roberta Flack:

"The first time, ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and the stars
Were the gifts you gave
To the dark, and the endless sky
And the first time, ever I kissed your mouth
I felt the earth move in my hands
Like the trembling heart
Of a captive bird
That was there, at my command
My love
And the first time, ever I lay with you
I felt your heart so close to mine
And I knew our joy
Would fill the earth
And last, 'til the end of time
My love
The first time, ever I saw
Your face
Your face
Your face
Your face."

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georgescraftjr | @georgescraftjr | 3 days ago
In reply to @shmerdloff "If God is with me, whom shall I fear. As my 2yo nephew repeats: It's OK..." + (show)
Profile picture for shmerdloff @shmerdloff

If God is with me, whom shall I fear. As my 2yo nephew repeats: It's OK It's OK It's OK.

Jump to this post

@shmerdloff

"...[M]y fellow American[]...[,] ...let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.” -- FDR

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Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | 3 days ago

Tonight has been pure delight in reading all your song lyrics and knowing that the people in your care feel the love, too. Such beautiful words remembered by beautiful people. You made my day better.
Thank you, Becky

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shmerdloff | @shmerdloff | 3 days ago
In reply to @georgescraftjr "@shmerdloff "...[M]y fellow American[]...[,] ...let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have..." + (show)
Profile picture for georgescraftjr @georgescraftjr

@shmerdloff

"...[M]y fellow American[]...[,] ...let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.” -- FDR

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@georgescraftjr
Or, I whistle a happy tune, and no one will suspect I 'm afraid.

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dlssell | @dlssell | 3 days ago

Thank you for this reading is truly a blessing….

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shmerdloff | @shmerdloff | 3 days ago
In reply to @georgescraftjr "@callmegram Thanks for sharing--and for continuing to post. Your song triggered memories of this song by..." + (show)
Profile picture for georgescraftjr @georgescraftjr

@callmegram

Thanks for sharing--and for continuing to post.

Your song triggered memories of this song by Linda Ronstadt

"Just one look
And I fell so hard
In love
With you
Oh oh

I found out
How good it feels
To have
Your love
Oh oh

Say you will
Will be mine
Forever
And always
Oh oh

Just one look
And I knew
That you
Were my only one
Oh oh

I thought I was dreaming
But I was wrong
Oh yeah yeah
Ah but I'm gonna keep on scheming
'Til I can make you
Make you my own
You might also like
No Ordinary Love
Sade
You Ain’t Woman Enough (To Take My Man)
Loretta Lynn
Rolling in the Deep
Adele
So you see
I really care
Without you
I'm nothin'
Oh oh

Just one look
And I know
I'll get you
Someday
Oh oh

Just one look
That's all it took, hey
Just one look
That's all it took, woah
Just one look
That's it was baby
You know I love you baby
I'll build my world around you
Come on baby"

...and what about this song by Roberta Flack:

"The first time, ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and the stars
Were the gifts you gave
To the dark, and the endless sky
And the first time, ever I kissed your mouth
I felt the earth move in my hands
Like the trembling heart
Of a captive bird
That was there, at my command
My love
And the first time, ever I lay with you
I felt your heart so close to mine
And I knew our joy
Would fill the earth
And last, 'til the end of time
My love
The first time, ever I saw
Your face
Your face
Your face
Your face."

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@callmegram
Original by Doris Troy❤️

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georgescraftjr | @georgescraftjr | 3 days ago
In reply to @shmerdloff "@shmerdloff" + (show)

@shmerdloff

After you posted lines from "He," I haven't been able to get the song out of my head.

Last night, I was almost reduced to tears when George yelled me at the top of his lungs: "SHUT UP!" (I was singing "He" a little too loudly ("with exultation"), and my singing got on his nerves.) Thanks to your reminder of the poem "Success--widely but incorrectly attributed to Emerson--instead of crying, I "laughed with enthusiasm."

George's Wife

P.S. We caregivers mustn't take things too personally, even when our feelings get hurt. As George constantly reminds me in his own defense: "It's the disease."

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