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Finding Joy in the T

Posted by georgescraftjr @georgescraftjr, 5 days ago

In the forum for cancer support, someone posted discussion, "What Gives You Joy?" If people dealing with cancer can find joy, so can we caregivers of someone who has dementia.

I would love to know what gives you joy, and I want to share what gave me joy this morning.

Before I tell you about this morning's moment of joy, I realize that taking care of someone with dementia can reduce us to a demented version of our former selves: It gets tiresome answering the same questions; scheduling doctor appointments; refilling medications; washing soiled laundry right after putting on fresh linen or clothings, etc., over and over again. This is especially true when the person for whom we are caring are verbally abusive or otherwise unpleasant.

It's Sunday, and I'm enjoying my cup of coffee and listening to KDFC.
For those who are Christians, I know you are making a "joyful noise."
And for those of you who are not Christians, try to be of good cheer:

"...oh the towering feeling
Just to know somehow [he/she is] near
The overpowering feeling
That any second [he/she] may suddenly appear." --Frederick Loewe (music) and Alan Jay Lerner

Find your "Sunday in the Park":
https://www.allmusicals.com/lyrics/sundayintheparkwithgeorge/sunday.htm


Blessings,
George's Wife

P.S. I found this forum because "Someone left the cake out in the rain" and "I [didn't] think that I [could] take it" "‘Cause it took so long to bake it." -- Richard Harris

Gone are the days when George physically kissed me--and "the world stood still"; but thanks to this forum (my imaginary "high and windy hill"), you fellow caregivers "touched my silent heart and taught it how to sing." Because of your inspiration, I am even more certain that:

"Love is nature's way of giving, a reason to be living
The golden crown that makes a man a king." -- Sammy Fain and Paul Francis Webster

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

Profile picture for shmerdloff
shmerdloff | @shmerdloff | 3 days ago
In reply to @shmerdloff "@georgescraftjr Oh! Don't get me started: Left standing in the lurch in a church with people..." + (show)
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@georgescraftjr
Oh! Don't get me started:
Left standing in the lurch in a church with people saying "My God that's tough. She stood him up. No point in us remaining. We may as well go home. As I did on my own. Alone again. Naturally."
At 65 years old. My mother God rest her soul. Couldn't understand why the only man she had ever loved had been taken. Leaving her to doubt all about God and his mercy. For if He really does exist, why did He desert me? And in my hour of need, I truly am indeed-Alone again-
naturally.

And Albinioni's Adagio. Which he didn't write. And The Pav singing "Caruso."

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George's Wife
EWF
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georgescraftjr | @georgescraftjr | 2 days ago

In reply to @shmerdloff

"And we will live together
Until the twelfth of never
Our voices will ring forever, as one"

George's Wife

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centre | @centre | 2 days ago
In reply to @georgescraftjr "Sorry about the truncated title and other errors. I accidentally hit "Post Comment" before I finished..." + (show)
Profile picture for georgescraftjr @georgescraftjr

Sorry about the truncated title and other errors. I accidentally hit "Post Comment" before I finished editing my post. (I can't count the number of times I was interrupted while I was trying to write this post. I even accidentally closed the page while I was typing, and had to reconstruct my post in its entirety!)

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@georgescraftjr Just reading your first post today, Your first song quote is from one of my mom’s favorite songs. She would sing it in the car while driving us kids, sing it while doing housework. She had a beautiful soprano voice, sang at weddings, solos at church. She was my rock when my husband’s dementia took hold and began to progress. I miss her terribly. Thank-you for this, I think I have something in my eye…..

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kjc48 | @kjc48 | 2 days ago

@georgescraftjr It's amazing my friend, that George can activate that part of his brain, that can respond when he treats you less than: "It's the disease." I listened to your "Sunday in the park" post and that push pull tension between George's art and everyday living, is the same push pull we feel with our loved one's indifference and/or inability to respond like they used to before the diagnosis. I loved playing Sunday in the Park and following the lyrical posts by others. Music has a way of just reaching our soul - such a feel good sudden rush of pleasure. A happy moment, basking in George's antics in the Park! Thank you for this heartfelt post. Best, Karla

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georgescraftjr | @georgescraftjr | 2 days ago

@kjc48

"Precious love
...
...
[You] [t]aught me how to live again

Only you, care when I needed a friend
Believe in me through thick and thin
This song is for you
Filled with gratitude and love

God bless you
You make me feel brand new
For God blessed me with you
You make me feel brand new
I sing this song 'cause you
Make me feel brand new" -- The Stylistics

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2 replies
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georgescraftjr | @georgescraftjr | 2 days ago
In reply to @centre "@georgescraftjr Just reading your first post today, Your first song quote is from one of my..." + (show)
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@georgescraftjr Just reading your first post today, Your first song quote is from one of my mom’s favorite songs. She would sing it in the car while driving us kids, sing it while doing housework. She had a beautiful soprano voice, sang at weddings, solos at church. She was my rock when my husband’s dementia took hold and began to progress. I miss her terribly. Thank-you for this, I think I have something in my eye…..

Jump to this post

@centre

I'm so sorry I made you miss your mom, which means you really loved her. Thanks for sharing the story about her singing in the car while driving you and your siblings around. The vision warms my heart, and renews my resolve to hold onto George until it's time for one of us to let go. (To wish to continue living is paradoxical when life prolongs suffering. But loving makes life worth living.)

Thanks for posting, and giving me a little of "that lovin' feelin'." Your post was much needed now that:

"there's no welcome look in [his] eyes
When I reach for [him]
And now [he's] starting to criticize
Little things I do."

And:

"[He] never close[s] [his] eyes anymore
When I kiss [his] lips
And there's no tenderness like before
In [his] fingertips

[He tries] hard not to show it (Baby)
But baby, baby I know it

[He's] lost that lovin' feelin'
Whoa, that lovin' feelin'
[He's] lost that lovin' feelin'
Now it's gone, gone, gone, whoa-oh-oh-oh" -- The Righteous Brothers

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

George's Wife (Still)

P.S. I didn't have a chance to finish editing my original post, so "[dis]" is missing before the word "appear":

"...oh the towering feeling
Just to know somehow [he/she is] near
The overpowering feeling
That any second [he/she] may suddenly [dis]appear." --Frederick Loewe (music) and Alan Jay Lerner

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Profile picture for shmerdloff
shmerdloff | @shmerdloff | 2 days ago
In reply to @shmerdloff "@georgescraftjr Oh! Don't get me started: Left standing in the lurch in a church with people..." + (show)
Profile picture for shmerdloff @shmerdloff

@georgescraftjr
Oh! Don't get me started:
Left standing in the lurch in a church with people saying "My God that's tough. She stood him up. No point in us remaining. We may as well go home. As I did on my own. Alone again. Naturally."
At 65 years old. My mother God rest her soul. Couldn't understand why the only man she had ever loved had been taken. Leaving her to doubt all about God and his mercy. For if He really does exist, why did He desert me? And in my hour of need, I truly am indeed-Alone again-
naturally.

And Albinioni's Adagio. Which he didn't write. And The Pav singing "Caruso."

Jump to this post

@shmerdloff
Anyone know benson boone lord i'm tired of trying.
Give it a listen , but be prepared. It hits very close to home

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1 reply
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georgescraftjr | @georgescraftjr | 1 day ago
In reply to @shmerdloff "@shmerdloff Anyone know benson boone lord i'm tired of trying. Give it a listen , but..." + (show)
Profile picture for shmerdloff @shmerdloff

@shmerdloff
Anyone know benson boone lord i'm tired of trying.
Give it a listen , but be prepared. It hits very close to home

Jump to this post

@shmerdloff

Thanks for sharing this song, a reminder that there's joy in knowing that "He's always standing by" and that "[His] Grace will carry [us] forever." Also, the song is a reminder that because of this Forum, we can "[t]ake off our masks," we "don't need to fake it," and we don't need to fight a "silent battle" or "fear...falling apart."

Thanks again.

George's Wife

If you need more inspiration, listen to:

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shmerdloff | @shmerdloff | 1 day ago
In reply to @georgescraftjr "@shmerdloff Thanks for sharing this song, a reminder that there's joy in knowing that "He's always..." + (show)
Profile picture for georgescraftjr @georgescraftjr

@shmerdloff

Thanks for sharing this song, a reminder that there's joy in knowing that "He's always standing by" and that "[His] Grace will carry [us] forever." Also, the song is a reminder that because of this Forum, we can "[t]ake off our masks," we "don't need to fake it," and we don't need to fight a "silent battle" or "fear...falling apart."

Thanks again.

George's Wife

If you need more inspiration, listen to:

Jump to this post

@georgescraftjr
Andy Warhol is said to have remarked, " I never fell apart because I never was together."

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