As a caregiver, what helps you the most?

I feel your pain, all of you. I've been caring for my husband these past 5 years and, as I've become saddled with taking care of EVERYTHING, have come to respect his earlier steady, unheralded contributions to our family's wellbeing. He is a fine man, something I remind myself of when this formerly mild-mannered, always in control of himself and generally good-humored man, goes ballistic in uncontrollable fits of rage.
Now that all the household, financial and medical responsibilities, plus his care, have fallen on me, I am doubly grateful for all he did for us all those years. But playing catch-up, while caring for him, has been among the hardest things I've ever had to do. It's helped me to remember that nothing in life has ever come easy. I seemed to be running as hard as I could all though my life, whether it was becoming the best I could be in my chosen profession, or raising a child, then changing course and learning to be a teacher, also giving it my best.
So, it's helped to look upon this latest trial as just another challenge. I've still so much to learn.

I feel your pain, all of you. I've been caring for my husband these past 5 years and, as I've become saddled with taking care of EVERYTHING, have come to respect his earlier steady, unheralded contributions to our family's wellbeing. He is a fine man, something I remind myself of when this formerly mild-mannered, always in control of himself and generally good-humored man, goes ballistic in uncontrollable fits of rage.
Now that all the household, financial and medical responsibilities, plus his care, have fallen on me, I am doubly grateful for all he did for us all those years. But playing catch-up, while caring for him, has been among the hardest things I've ever had to do. It's helped me to remember that nothing in life has ever come easy. I seemed to be running as hard as I could all though my life, whether it was becoming the best I could be in my chosen profession, or raising a child, then changing course and learning to be a teacher, also giving it my best.
So, it's helped to look upon this latest trial as just another challenge. I've still so much to learn.

I sympathise with all of you as we are all in the same boat on choppy waters. My husband also has end stage renal disease through no fault of his own ;auto immune disease)

It is very hard to take when your partner has increasing brain fog. You feel like saying: “What IS it that you don’t understand?” But you don’t because you know it’s the toxins accumulating in his/her brain and not their fault. Sometimes I see the wonderful man I married. At other times I am tearing my hair out. I feel like all I’m doing is walking behind him to pick up and clean up. I am practically happy when I drive him to dialysis three times a week (used to be peritoneal at home -more work - but the time comes when this is not sufficient anymore- ) I call this my time off. I find that he gets upset over trivialities. It doesn’t take much to set him off. Sometimes he will tell me what to do and it doesn’t always make sense. He is slower than molasses going uphill in winter - again, not his fault, and I get it. But you feel ALONE. And at times you feel discouraged and depressed. You see to everything and you get physically and emotionally exhausted. I try to find solace in reminding myself why I married him and remembering all the good times we had together. It makes my day when he says thank you for all you do. Please try to find comfort in knowing that you are not alone and in remembering how wonderful your partner used to be - and that he/she would be there for you if the roles were reversed. Take care and God bless

@katrina123
You are so right. I feel trapped in the house. I have a friend who helps. I am so tired and feeling discouraged at times. My spouse is so difficult to even have a conversation with. You never know what will trigger him. I wish I had more then picking up yard trash, and putting trash and recycle out. Mail has to be addressed as well. He tells me how to do things. I let it go out one ear and move on. I have been doing everything for a long time. I am just tired. Like they say" the Long Goodbye". He sleeps more then he used to . Not pleasant at times. No thank you are how are you most of the time. Keep moving on.. as it is the only way to manage it.

@richardfrancine
Thank you for sharing your situation. I can relate for sure. When my husband was admitted into the hospital about a month ago just for two nights, I was almost happy to have a night alone. This is a hard life, no doubt. I have a cat and a dog-my only solace right now. I don't know what i would do without them. I wonder if they have any idea how precious they are.
But, I feel the same as what you feel-the constant cleaning up, it's endless. The depression is sometimes like one of those weighted blankets, just crippling. I have days that I feel like I haven't done enough, and when I do something for myself, albeit it minimal, I feel guilty. Its tough, but I feel like it is very skill building.
Stay strong!

@sillyblone you are a great example— i know you are tired— how could you “not” be? This is the hardest job a person can do…
I admire the love that you are showing…you are not alone my friend.

I sympathise with all of you as we are all in the same boat on choppy waters. My husband also has end stage renal disease through no fault of his own ;auto immune disease)

It is very hard to take when your partner has increasing brain fog. You feel like saying: “What IS it that you don’t understand?” But you don’t because you know it’s the toxins accumulating in his/her brain and not their fault. Sometimes I see the wonderful man I married. At other times I am tearing my hair out. I feel like all I’m doing is walking behind him to pick up and clean up. I am practically happy when I drive him to dialysis three times a week (used to be peritoneal at home -more work - but the time comes when this is not sufficient anymore- ) I call this my time off. I find that he gets upset over trivialities. It doesn’t take much to set him off. Sometimes he will tell me what to do and it doesn’t always make sense. He is slower than molasses going uphill in winter - again, not his fault, and I get it. But you feel ALONE. And at times you feel discouraged and depressed. You see to everything and you get physically and emotionally exhausted. I try to find solace in reminding myself why I married him and remembering all the good times we had together. It makes my day when he says thank you for all you do. Please try to find comfort in knowing that you are not alone and in remembering how wonderful your partner used to be - and that he/she would be there for you if the roles were reversed. Take care and God bless