Connect
← Return to As a caregiver, what helps you the most?
Discussion
As a caregiver, what helps you the most?
Caregivers | Last Active: 18 hours ago | Replies (40)Comment receiving replies
@richardfrancine I am in almost the exact situation. My husband angers easily these days. He has to be in control. He tells me I am stupid and don’t know what I am talking about. He is hard to communicate with because he can’t keep straight what he said and when I answer he says that isn’t what I said. I can’t win for trying. what do I do. He is now becoming confused with how the thermostat works. Our house was at 57 degrees last night. It woke me it was so cold. He keeps switching from heat to ac. Help
Replies to "@richardfrancine I am in almost the exact situation. My husband angers easily these days. He has..."
@jett56 I’m sorry. It IS often so difficult to communicate with them. They get so confused and in turn blame it on us that the conversation has gone south. My husband sometimes says things like “ok! Let’s start this over (conversation)” so he can ‘educate’ me on what we’re talking about. Sometimes he will also say “you need to learn…” in a very belittling way. It’s frustrating, but even more hurtful. We do the circle conversating, “you said, I said, I thought, no you said…”. on and on. Exhausting. But trying to learn to not to engage is sooo hard to practice. I just wish you luck (and patience)!
We all get it, so you’re not speaking to deaf ears.
Connect
@jett56
I went through 6 months, and 3 hospitalizations, of this type of thing with my wife - and much more: accusations of cheating, not caring, anger on anger, trying to control and trap her, etc. The last hospitalization, in February, finally seemed to get the medication mix correct. We have had a month and a half of stable life. She's calmer, at peace, compliant with medications, but can still enjoy things. We just got back from several days in Yosemite. Her dementia is progressing, which we can tell for sure, and will need to adjust things again, but have a better idea of trying to stay ahead of it. Dealing with medications is hard - many people struggle to have someone on quite powerful drugs, some with potentially serious side effects. However, having someone live in fear, paranoia, anger, etc., etc., is also not "right" - I would argue. The person with dementia is suffering, as is the caregiver. This is not easy, but it is a reality. I would suggest talking with the psychiatrist and neurologist about a plan.