When Depression "Flares"

Posted by Lyn @pearlbaby7, Mar 23, 2019

I've been having a depression "flare". Along with this swing down I've felt a heaviness in the center of my chest. Do othets have this as well?

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@pearlbaby7

@parus. No. I'm not having any anxiety, just depression acting up.

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@pearlbaby7 Thank you for posting about your concerns. We are always here for each other as a cyber community around a kitchen table that we can picture in our minds. Depression and anxiety, whether they are together or separate, are never a fun place to be. Whether it's a mild or a severe attack, we'd like it to be finished as soon as possible! No need to feel regretful that you posted about it to have others feedback. That's how we learn about what to do to take care of ourselves.
Ginger

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@pearlbaby7

@merpreb When I feel anxiety I feel tense throughout my whole body and can't stop talking. My thoughts obsess on whatever I'm feeling anxious about.
By the end of 1999 I'd been on every antidepressant available and had had 9 CSTs (I would never recommend them) in three weeks which did no good. My swings were going lower and lasting longer. I called Research Hospital who put me in touch with a doctor that put me on an MAOI. It doesn't make me happy but keeps me pretty level. I've only had one major dip since then.
This dip isn't the lowest I've been but I'm down there far enough that I'm not able to follow through on a couple things I'd normally be happy/excited about. I've been this way for a couple weeks. If I do have a bad day recently it's usually just a day. It's been so long since I've been in this place (because of the meds) I've forgotten whether carrying this weight around is part of it or just a new piece of it. I thought if anyone else felt this without the anxiety it would mean I'd just forgotten.

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@pearlbaby7– I'm sorry that you are going through this again. I've been feeling angry lately. I know the cause but I'm not sure that I can reconcile it. What were the CST's like? I understand about your anxiety. I can't sit or stand still if I'm anxious. I drive my husband nuts with it. lol. This is one of the reasons why I take CBD oil.

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@pearlbaby7

@parus I understand. When I'm stressing it gets better when the trigger gets resolved.
This time it's not about stress. I'm having a strictly depression episode. I'm hoping it improves soon. Maybe writing about it is an improvement. I hope it means I'm doing better although I regretted posting.
Thank you your support.

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Lyn- Why do you regret posting about your depression? This is why we are all here in this group. To share our woes and flare ups and everything! I hope that today brings you a better day!

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@merpreb

@pearlbaby7– I'm sorry that you are going through this again. I've been feeling angry lately. I know the cause but I'm not sure that I can reconcile it. What were the CST's like? I understand about your anxiety. I can't sit or stand still if I'm anxious. I drive my husband nuts with it. lol. This is one of the reasons why I take CBD oil.

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@merpreb It was about 20 years ago. A girl that was waiting for her next session had deep burns on the sides of her face that came from the electrodes. Fortunately that didn't happen to me. They put me in the psychiatrict ward the weekend before. I had three per week for three weeks. They put you to sleep I think before they start. I don't remember what happened during the actual "treatment". It may work for some people. I lost memories. Some of them returned when a friend would tell me about it. Some did not. Like driving from Joplin to Kansas City's airport in a blizzard, picking up a friend that had to get home. I turned around and drove back to southern Missouri in the blizzard, out to the boonies to take her home, then back to Joplin. That was a big memory to lose and not get back. It was three months before I could remember who I was and be able to go back to work. And…it didn't help the depression. The doctor insisted I say it helped me. I kept telling him it didn't. So, once again, it was time to find a new doctor.

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@merpreb

@pearlbaby7– I'm sorry that you are going through this again. I've been feeling angry lately. I know the cause but I'm not sure that I can reconcile it. What were the CST's like? I understand about your anxiety. I can't sit or stand still if I'm anxious. I drive my husband nuts with it. lol. This is one of the reasons why I take CBD oil.

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@merpreb I'm sorry you're going through this right now. I'm glad your husband is hanging in there for you. Anxiety sucks and how it displays itself can be a challenge for you and those in your world. I hope your symptoms ease soon and give you both some relief. Cyberhugs!

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@merpreb I posted for a couple reasons if I'm going to be honest and vulnerable. I was curious if other people in a strictly depression cycle felt this heaviness too. The second, and maybe more motivating, reason was I needed some support. I have no one to give me that support of understanding like you all. As good as my neighbor is to me by bringing me dinner and doing my shopping, she undercuts that semi-frequently by calling me lazy or some form of it. I thought I'd given her enough info to understand but I guess not. She did it again last night. Maybe I'm just a good place to vent because I'm not able to pull back from her being in my life right now. I'm trying to look at it from her point of view but it's still destructive to me. That's why I posted. I regretted it because I felt vulnerable and still hate having to ask for help.

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@pearlbaby7

@merpreb I posted for a couple reasons if I'm going to be honest and vulnerable. I was curious if other people in a strictly depression cycle felt this heaviness too. The second, and maybe more motivating, reason was I needed some support. I have no one to give me that support of understanding like you all. As good as my neighbor is to me by bringing me dinner and doing my shopping, she undercuts that semi-frequently by calling me lazy or some form of it. I thought I'd given her enough info to understand but I guess not. She did it again last night. Maybe I'm just a good place to vent because I'm not able to pull back from her being in my life right now. I'm trying to look at it from her point of view but it's still destructive to me. That's why I posted. I regretted it because I felt vulnerable and still hate having to ask for help.

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@pearlbaby7 I am sending you cyber hugs. Feeling vulnerable but still having the strength to reach out for help is a major positive. Don't ever forget that. When we are in a downswing and we can't even see a glimmer of light from the surface, that is when it can be so devastating. Just one little pinprick of light may help us refocus and help us get through those down times/dark times and those times when we feel like such a burden to ourselves and others. I am so glad that you're here on Mayo Connect.
Ginger

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@gingerw

@pearlbaby7 I am sending you cyber hugs. Feeling vulnerable but still having the strength to reach out for help is a major positive. Don't ever forget that. When we are in a downswing and we can't even see a glimmer of light from the surface, that is when it can be so devastating. Just one little pinprick of light may help us refocus and help us get through those down times/dark times and those times when we feel like such a burden to ourselves and others. I am so glad that you're here on Mayo Connect.
Ginger

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@gingerw Thank you!

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@pearlbaby7

@merpreb I posted for a couple reasons if I'm going to be honest and vulnerable. I was curious if other people in a strictly depression cycle felt this heaviness too. The second, and maybe more motivating, reason was I needed some support. I have no one to give me that support of understanding like you all. As good as my neighbor is to me by bringing me dinner and doing my shopping, she undercuts that semi-frequently by calling me lazy or some form of it. I thought I'd given her enough info to understand but I guess not. She did it again last night. Maybe I'm just a good place to vent because I'm not able to pull back from her being in my life right now. I'm trying to look at it from her point of view but it's still destructive to me. That's why I posted. I regretted it because I felt vulnerable and still hate having to ask for help.

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@pearlbaby7– I'm sorry that you are having a tough time with your neighbor. You two must be very close for her to even try to talk to you like that. Is it possible to tell her how much she hurts you when she does? I know what you mean about feeling vulnerable if you divulge a sensitive part of yourself. I cringe when I have to but, but do it nevertheless, and you did it here too! I hope that you can break away from her soon. Is there a church group that you can turn to? I think that we've talked about this before.

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@merpreb

@pearlbaby7– I'm sorry that you are having a tough time with your neighbor. You two must be very close for her to even try to talk to you like that. Is it possible to tell her how much she hurts you when she does? I know what you mean about feeling vulnerable if you divulge a sensitive part of yourself. I cringe when I have to but, but do it nevertheless, and you did it here too! I hope that you can break away from her soon. Is there a church group that you can turn to? I think that we've talked about this before.

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@merpreb She does know I don't have any options right now. Being on an MAOI limits my food options so much and most people don't want the hassle of fixing food without the long list of ingredients I can't have. Meals on Wheels won't do it either. I keep burning myself when I try cooking stove top, oven and even sometimes the microwave. Ordering food delivered is too expensive here. Basically the pizza places are the only ones who will. I have a meeting scheduled with an organization that connects people who need help with resources in the area. I didn't think about asking him for that kind of help. Thank you for leading me there. I meet with him Thursday. Maybe he can help me not be so dependent on my neighbor.

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