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What about Me?
I am so tired, tired of dealing with all the groaning, moaning all day, every day even through meals which is making me not want to prepare meals or eat with H.
I understand he is scared as he has some understanding of what is happening to him mentally, but geez, it is not my fault. He gets mean and yells at me, publicly, like I am a child!
Friends are kind, but as others have said, we - him - are just not fun any more. I know some are afraid this will eventually happen to them. People we really don't know have tried to take advantage of him.
Heck, his middle daughter tried to get him to change his will to her favor when he was in the hospital last year. This daughter he really hasn't seen in almost a year, no birthday card or Father's Day card to him.
I understand the Calvery is not coming, but darn, it sure is difficult as more and more things go on. I am feeling very lonely.
Keeping up the house is difficult. We are just $300 a month from being eligible for various assistant programs.
The above-mentioned daughter has now started lying about me to her sister and brother. I have always had a good relationship with his eldest daughter since her and her father reconciled (over her changing religion before I met her, which no one in the family understood). The last few times I have talked to her she has been frigid at best. Seems the middle daughter is putting things out there that I am stealing their inheritance among other things.
This just floors me. I have had enough and don't need this with his family on top of everything going on with him daily. The door is starting to look pretty good right now and I can guarantee you that none of his adult children will help him out. None of them has done anything for us in the, oh, last 31 years, whether we needed help or not. His son has hit us up for $$ over the years, and the middle daughter's sons always have their hands out.
The truth be told, when I married their father some 31 years ago, he had a decent job but really had nothing. I had a house that was over 50% paid for, a paid off car, furniture. At that time he had just finished paying child support for his youngest son, who came to live with him after the child support stopped.
These people are starting to scare me. Right now I know what his will says, but I am afraid that if he gets enough pressure, he will cave to them.
This is part of me dealing with being his caretaker. It scares the begesus out of me. I did talk to a lawyer but I can only do things with items that are mine. It is not like we have a lot, just the house, the 8 yr. old car, and my furniture with a few pieces added.
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@kartwk
Unfortunately, so true. Sad how there are so many people who just can't follow the golden rule.
@kartwk
As far as I am concerned all these people can f-off. as bizarre as people are, one uncle said that it is our fault this happened due to the covid shot so that was on us. Uncle Ass hole.
I am having a hard time because I have depended on my husband and him me but I cant cope with all this falling on me
Commenting on " I know that they are afraid it will happen to them "
That i such a crock of shit. I am not afraid of my own death, just the death of someone I love.
@kartwk
I told myself if we were able to have children this situation might be different. Then I come on here and read these things and I shake my head. I was there for both of my parents right until the end, It wasn't about what I was getting. My focus was on their well being until the end and feel good that i accomplished that. Now, with this situation I am in I have constant suicidal thoughts and have been hospitalized. I feel like nobody will miss me if I am gone anyway since I dont have the friends and family.
@kartwk
being too depended on my husband for certain things has everything to do with these suicidal thoughts. He depends on my too but the difference is if I DIED HE WOULDN'T COMMIT SUICIDE. i am a wild card.
@deniae
I don't think they are afraid of their death as much as going through what H is going through. A long, slow decline of mental accuity that requires assistance and help. You know, there, for the Grace of God, go I.
@deniae
I am right with you about H always depending on me and I on him. Now, I can't depend on him.
@kartwk You said "I am right with you about H always depending on me and I on him. Now, I can't depend on him."
Wow, this is right in line with a current discussion we have been having with a much younger person Not due to memory loss, but due to an acrimonious divorce (initiated by him.)
We have been trying to teach her to read financial statements, figure out who owns which credit cards, digital accounts, etc, how her computer network functions...
That led to a conversation with our closest friends, all over 70 (some well over) during which one spouse acknowledged that they know little about their financial affairs, how to operate the technology-loaded household, their insurance, etc. The rest of us at least share knowledge of all aspects of these things, and have made files or vaults of passwords, account numbers, and a record of where wills, insurance policies, warranty information, etc is stored.
We have an appointment in November to update all of our documents, including durable powers of attorney, which we executed years ago. We have a special fire safe where we keep all of this so our kids have access if needed. Our friends with no children have either a different family member or a trusted advisor who has copies of their documents. We started this years ago when a dear friend had a severe stroke from an aneurysm in her 40's, and it was unknown whether she would recover (she was part of the conversation last week, 31 years later!)
@sueinmn
Wow Sue, in life's journey age doesn't really matter.
What you describe with the younger person is how my Dad was after my Mom had her stroke. She took care of everything. I actually had to educate him on writing checks and balancing his check book. Not that he couldn't do it, but hadn't had to in over 50+ years.
I had to educate him about a lot of scams when his good neighbor of almost 50 years lost his savings to a phone scam. One of those deals where they call you and tell you they need your account to deposit money you have coming to you. They emptied the poor man's account in minutes. Sad, so sad.
Like you I have a fireproof place to keep documents, and in my current situation I check it all the time to make sure things are, shall we say, as they should be.
@sueinmn
We use to handle things and make decisions together. Now he goes off giving things away to strangers.
It is one thing to take care of one's self, but the full or partial burden of a loved one is, well, heavy, very heavy at times.
And we all feel the strain of it. I don't think any of us who post here plan to go for sainthood. We are human, have our needs and need support and help. We are herd animals, so to speak.