The Driver's License Discussion...

Has anyone complained of swishing or the sound of water in their ears. My husband said head. When he described it it sounded like tennitus. Possibly with a cardiac componet to it. Just asking as to calm his mind. He has a Neurology and a cardiac appointmen in the next couple of weeks. Thanks for any feedback

Sorry for the typos.

It may be hearing loss. My own "buzzing" and "swishing" is just that. There are hearing aids that will help to correct it.

My heart goes out to each and every one of you caregivers and today, the issue of dealing with the driving. My husband was diagnosed with late onset of moderate dementia/AD in early May 2025 (in 2021 he was evaluated and diagnosed with MCI). In those three years several changes became noticeable to me and our children (one being his driving) and asked his PCP at the annual exam if my husband couldn’t be reevaluated by a neuropsychologist (which was done in March 2025). Test results were shared with his neurologist and, after an MRI and blood work he (we) were advised he had late onset of moderate AD and, that he “should stop driving” etc. My husband appeared to understand this and, that he would comply with the advice. A few days later he himself said we might as well gift his car to our oldest grandson but didn’t move forward with this for a couple of weeks (I wanted to give him control of making this decision). After that I notified DMV, our auto insurance and, our grandson came and picked up the car with his new plates etc. I mention the timeline because in early October (5 months after being advised not to drive) I noticed he was waking up sullen, quiet and after giving him plenty of time to forget what he was brooding about I’d ask him how he was feeling. He would yell and tell me how unfair this was and how very upset he was about not being able to drive, that his great car was gone and how much he loved his car. He was accusing the doctor of somehow manipulating his situation in order to take his car from him for herself!! No matter how I explained the situation and how this all came about he felt he was treated unjustly. This pattern of waking up with those thoughts and feelings has been going on daily since then. I’m praying he’ll soon forget the car and about driving.

I didn’t realize about the insurance not paying if he had an accident so this is good information to have to tell him. I also didn’t know about lawyers for “elders” and will need to look into that.

Thanks for sharing your experiences, thoughts and comments-they do a world of good!

@boettger1951 I'm so sorry that you have to go through that torment. I haven't had to go through that yet with my husband, he's still in MCI stage, but I see it coming along and I dread it!! They don't understand so much that goes on in their world and it's like having a spoiled child when they act out on their sad/mad feelings of unfairness.
We're here for you and we get it. Always come here to vent, it really helps to know you're heard and understood and have our sympathy.

@boettger1951 if yelling continues could consider speaking with docs about behavior modifying medications

I would encourage getting a legal opinion from an attorney about auto insurance and liability as it relates to your particular policy. May vary by state. Normally, insurance will cover s licensed driver. So be careful canceling coverage on someone who still has access to the car keys. If the driver is cognitively impaired, family members might be held civilly liable for damages if they harm someone.

While it seems desirable to get someone to understand why they shouldn’t drive and to accept it, that really isn’t required. The priority is preventing them from driving. Even if someone seems to accept and agree, that is often a momentary thing. They will often forget and the entire discussion will be required the next day or the next hour. So getting them to get it, doesn’t really bring any benefit. It might be a verbal discussion every day. It can continue for years. But, the important thong is that they don’t drive. If it’s not feasible to keep the keys away, I’d get a legal opinion from an Elder law attorney about getting court authorization to legally prevent him from driving.

Yes my wife was diagnosed with Fronteral Dementia about 4+ years ago.I like you feel safe about her driving although I drive all the time we both go places. I only let her drive to the grocery store or church coffee which is less than 3 miles from home. I consulted with her neurologist and she said no more driving. I took her key away but two times she snuck my keys and drove by herself. That was a month ago and and has not done so since. She is 67 and Iam 75. Its hard to tell a loved one that they can no longer drive but liability wise its necessary. I would hate to loose my driving privileges but I hope I understand if the time comes. With her brain not understanding any conversation its hard to convince her why she can't do so. Its very Sad but necessary.

@edj1950 , I knew that if my dad was thinking clearly, he would not approve of him driving. If he hurt a child while driving it would have devastated him, so I knew preventing him from driving was what he really wanted. He went for months without mentioning it, then he would start obsessing about it again.

My cousin got scared one day when she forgot how to open the door to get out of the car. Neighbors had to help her get out. She handed me the keys and said the car is broke. I’m done driving it. She never mentioned driving again.

@celia16 This post made the most sense. Forget asking their permission or getting their blessing or even a smile for giving up the keys.
As a caregiver we are responsible for their safety, our safety and the safety of those they may injure in an accident.
Once there is a diagnosis of even MCI in the medical record, this will be a negative strike by any lawyer on the side of the injured party.
My husband is still angry about not passing the driving test in 2024, and always blames it on me, I let him vent and move on. I have peace of mind.
And I don’t mind driving. We just had a great road trip.