Selfharm

Posted by Ryman @ryman, Jun 30, 2017

I assume this is the right group. I have never discussed this with anyone but my grandson yells at me about it. When I get very stressed, I sometimes scratch my arms or face. I haven’t done any real harm. It is a way to relieve stress when it gets to be too much. I cannot tolerate anxiety or depression medicines which I assume would be a doctor’s answer. Does anyone else deal with this?

Liked by Parus

@parus

Talked to the therapist today. Told her the depression is becoming overwhelming because of the pain becoming worse again and knowing there are no answers this time or treatment I can afford. We both know what antidepressants do to me. I need help with the physical pain which is interfering with my battle with depression. I see the pain specialist next Tuesday which is pointless. He likely will tell me to do my shoulder rolls and breathe. So dehumanizing. Maybe recent CT will make some kind of impression. Trudge, Trudge. Yes the self harming thoughts are present. At least the pain would be visible. The depression monster comes a lurk, lurking, lurking. We are stronger than the heavy tread. Can't go back to the old ways.

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@parus What was the therapist able to offer to you? It seems she is sympathetic to your issues. Does she have any connections or colleagues to touch base with? Is there any medical school or teaching university within your locale that you can avail yourself of? Can you contact NAMI [Nat'l Alliance on Mental Illness] for local support groups or resources? I am worried for you…..
Ginger

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@parus

Some of us need others to fix things for us. This can place others in an uncomfortable place as no matter what they say or do it is never enough. This can oft drive others far from us.I have not ever been one to expect others to always be around to cuddle and care. To ask others to always be there to comfort is not at all realistic for me. Having others in my space being needy and clingy can be stressful.
We are all so different in what we expect from others.

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@parus

What great insight you have provided for the "great fixer" mentality. You are right, there is no one who can fix us, the power is in our own hands and minds.

Your ideas about, "The depression monster comes a lurk, lurking, lurking. We are stronger than the heavy tread" is also a great descriptor of what it feels like to be overcome with depression. If you ever publish these thoughts it would make a good read for others.

I'm glad that you added, "Can't go back to the old ways." Every one of us needs new ways to cope.

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@parus

Talked to the therapist today. Told her the depression is becoming overwhelming because of the pain becoming worse again and knowing there are no answers this time or treatment I can afford. We both know what antidepressants do to me. I need help with the physical pain which is interfering with my battle with depression. I see the pain specialist next Tuesday which is pointless. He likely will tell me to do my shoulder rolls and breathe. So dehumanizing. Maybe recent CT will make some kind of impression. Trudge, Trudge. Yes the self harming thoughts are present. At least the pain would be visible. The depression monster comes a lurk, lurking, lurking. We are stronger than the heavy tread. Can't go back to the old ways.

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@parus Parus, I am extremely worried about you. Yet, I feel I don’t know enough about your situation. I know this sounds simplistic, but can you schedule more visits with your grandson? He brings you such joy! You need more of that joy! I care!
Karen

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@merpreb

@mia001– Aww honey I'm so so sorry that you are still feeling this low. Being molested or raped can take so much away form our self worth. It can destroy any confidence that we have, scares us to death and keeps us looking over our shoulder. This a certain type of power. At some point though we have to realize that it doesn't define who we are. By that I mean it doesn't identify your essential qualities. Do you know what your essential qualities are? Can you name them? Are you a caring person, a kind person, loyal or fair person? You must look to yourself, at some point, to take care of these essential qualities because, when you get down to it, only you know what's important to you. Being sexually abused seems to be the core, from what you have shared so far in your story, of your pain. We self harm to make the pain inside go away, if only for a short period of time because simply, it hurts more. Are you in treatment for this? It took me a long time to get over my rape and I let it affect me too much.
I use to feel the need to have everyone take care of me, guide me in how to feel or act. I wanted so badly for the loneliness to go away that I would hook on to someone and by that I'd push them away. You have inner strength that you are denying yourself by thinking that you need someone to care for you. You don't. When we are raped someone takes away our power. We weren't given a choice about what happened. In order to get over this we have to take power over ourselves and to stop being dependent on others. This will give us our power back. It works but it takes a while and it's difficult. Don't give your power to anyone else, take care of them yourself.
Do you think that you can hook up with a good counselor for help? Have you ever been to therapy?

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@mia001– Good morning. I'm wondering how you have been feeling. Will you get back to me if you can?

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@parus

Talked to the therapist today. Told her the depression is becoming overwhelming because of the pain becoming worse again and knowing there are no answers this time or treatment I can afford. We both know what antidepressants do to me. I need help with the physical pain which is interfering with my battle with depression. I see the pain specialist next Tuesday which is pointless. He likely will tell me to do my shoulder rolls and breathe. So dehumanizing. Maybe recent CT will make some kind of impression. Trudge, Trudge. Yes the self harming thoughts are present. At least the pain would be visible. The depression monster comes a lurk, lurking, lurking. We are stronger than the heavy tread. Can't go back to the old ways.

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@parus– Oh boy, and here you were so happy. I'm not sure that your psychiatrist is helping you. Do you? I'm really worried about you too. IIf things aren't working for you, which some don't seem to be doing, you need to speak up- "Enough with the shoulder rolls!" "I need something else!" Are you able to do this?

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@hopeful33250

@parus

What great insight you have provided for the "great fixer" mentality. You are right, there is no one who can fix us, the power is in our own hands and minds.

Your ideas about, "The depression monster comes a lurk, lurking, lurking. We are stronger than the heavy tread" is also a great descriptor of what it feels like to be overcome with depression. If you ever publish these thoughts it would make a good read for others.

I'm glad that you added, "Can't go back to the old ways." Every one of us needs new ways to cope.

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@parus

How are you? It’s a beautiful day here. Bright, blue skies and 73 degrees. Glad it’s not raining!

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@merpreb

@parus– Oh boy, and here you were so happy. I'm not sure that your psychiatrist is helping you. Do you? I'm really worried about you too. IIf things aren't working for you, which some don't seem to be doing, you need to speak up- "Enough with the shoulder rolls!" "I need something else!" Are you able to do this?

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@parus – Right back atcha: I remember some one writing " Keep the darkness of the past from casting shadows on the present." @parus. How are you feeling today?

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Being honest did help and also recent x-rays and CT scan. Yup, still trudging and hopefully getting some where other than deeper in the muck and mire.

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@parus

Being honest did help and also recent x-rays and CT scan. Yup, still trudging and hopefully getting some where other than deeper in the muck and mire.

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@parus Just think how strong you will be after slogging through the muck! Hey, put on a pair of old shoes and head on in. We'll meet up and soldier on together!
Ginger

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As I read the posts here, it dawned on me that self-harm can take so many different manifestations. There are the visible signs of self-harm, but more telling for me personally may be the ones that others can't see right away, that we hide from others and ourselves. The self harm of over-sleeping, or overeating, or ignoring good hygiene, etc., can all be considered self harm I think. It bears thinking about. How are we taking care of our self/Self today?
Ginger

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@gingerw– Such an excellent question. I hold way too much in, probably for fear that I am right in being afraid that something is wrong. I believe that fear is the leader for me. Thank you for bringing this up!

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@parus

Talked to the therapist today. Told her the depression is becoming overwhelming because of the pain becoming worse again and knowing there are no answers this time or treatment I can afford. We both know what antidepressants do to me. I need help with the physical pain which is interfering with my battle with depression. I see the pain specialist next Tuesday which is pointless. He likely will tell me to do my shoulder rolls and breathe. So dehumanizing. Maybe recent CT will make some kind of impression. Trudge, Trudge. Yes the self harming thoughts are present. At least the pain would be visible. The depression monster comes a lurk, lurking, lurking. We are stronger than the heavy tread. Can't go back to the old ways.

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@parus Hey Parus, I’m so glad to see your posts! I have been watching. I had to go to the dr yesterday. I’m unable to get out of bed, feed myself, do clothes, etc. I’m having terrible panic attacks (although what panic attack isn’t terrible). Life can be so hard. I’m grateful I have my brother to help me. Please let me know how you are today. For me, weekends are the hardest!……….Karen

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@karen00

@parus Hey Parus, I’m so glad to see your posts! I have been watching. I had to go to the dr yesterday. I’m unable to get out of bed, feed myself, do clothes, etc. I’m having terrible panic attacks (although what panic attack isn’t terrible). Life can be so hard. I’m grateful I have my brother to help me. Please let me know how you are today. For me, weekends are the hardest!……….Karen

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@karen00 I check in from time to time. Even negative thinking is a type of self harm the results of which can be internally crippling. I am sorry to hear you are back to being confined to bed. I still can do things for myself even though only what needs to be done. So discouraging and at times it would be easier to just give up. I will not suggest you "just breathe". I marvel at the members that can keep themselves together by "just breathing". It can help. A panic attack it a dreaded thing. Fear is difficult to control.
Keep us posted as you can.

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@karen00

@parus Hey Parus, I’m so glad to see your posts! I have been watching. I had to go to the dr yesterday. I’m unable to get out of bed, feed myself, do clothes, etc. I’m having terrible panic attacks (although what panic attack isn’t terrible). Life can be so hard. I’m grateful I have my brother to help me. Please let me know how you are today. For me, weekends are the hardest!……….Karen

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@karen00– Good morning. I'm so glad that you are reaching out to members again even though you seem to be in horrible pain. AM I wrong in thinking that it is pain that is keeping you from being active?
Panic Attacks are the worst! I recently wrote about ways to stay grounded to help get through these horrible times. IF you haven't read it here is another link to help: https://drsarahallen.com/7-ways-to-calm/
If you google grounding techniques there are more sites with many more suggestions.
Can I help in any other way? What does your doctor say about your present state?

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@merpreb

@karen00– Good morning. I'm so glad that you are reaching out to members again even though you seem to be in horrible pain. AM I wrong in thinking that it is pain that is keeping you from being active?
Panic Attacks are the worst! I recently wrote about ways to stay grounded to help get through these horrible times. IF you haven't read it here is another link to help: https://drsarahallen.com/7-ways-to-calm/
If you google grounding techniques there are more sites with many more suggestions.
Can I help in any other way? What does your doctor say about your present state?

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@merpreb Hi Merry, thank you so much for checking on me!!! It means the world to me. Yes, pain keeps me from being active, both mental & physical. You are already helping by keeping up with me!!! Thanks for the link. My doctor has added an anti anxiety pill – small dosage to my regimen. My sleep has greatly improved and the attacks have gone away! I feel lots better! I wanted to wait until I saw how I did before answering you. So far, so good!! Again, thank you my friend!…..Karen

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