~ Left my safe “nest," regretting move ~

@amberpep I'm very sorry to hear you are going through such hard time. Be sure everybody here see you as very valuable person, as somebody already mentioned in another topic. When I read your older posts, I can see you are very caring person. You have a great gift to help and encourage other members here.
Yes, doctors see their patients as their work, many times it can look insensitive. Try to explain him your position, why you want to continue visiting him, even to travel 3 hours. You never know, maybe it will bring good result.
You are definitely not "too much trouble." When it comes to me, I am very happy I met you here. Your comments are very appreciated.

@amberpep -- so sorry to hear that you can't make it to your therapist this week due to your car (also sorry to hear about that) and that he didn't have another time for you to talk. Sounds like his suggestion you find a closer therapist really hurt. It also sounds like you've taken a lot of time to develop a relationship of trust with him, and thus it's very understandable you want to stay with him and not start all over.

Since he's unavailable, what are you thinking will help you get through the holidays?

Hi Lisa ... thanks so much for responding. How to get through the holidays .... good question. When I lived in MD, I just ignored it and pretended it was just any other day, but now that I'm in VA I will be going to my daughter's who has the 2 kids - ages 8 and 11 - and it will be festive, joyous, fun, full of good food, and close relationships ..... I'll just do as I always have done .... rather dissociate from it all, be in my own little world somewhere else, appearing to be part of everything but not really. Our whole family will be there - small though it is - and that includes my X-husband. That doesn't make it any easier as the question still haunts me as to "why wasen't I good enough? why did you "throw me away"? why wouldn't you pick up your piece of our marriage and work on it?. That all leads to "what is wrong with me?" But, with him being a full blown narcissist, I know the answers to all those questions .... somehow those voices keep showing up on holidays.
abby

Hi, @amberpep--you are welcome, Abby.

I thought some of the folks who've had some thoughts for you before might have insights on dealing with your holiday situation, like @hopeful33250, @jimhd, @parus, and @IndianaScott, Other members who've talked about dealing with narcissists may also have some thoughts, like @kamuela, @skunklady13, @wife1 and @anon11843683.

Do you feel like there is any way for you to be "present" at the holiday celebration with your daughter and the two children? Is there an option, if it's too hurtful to be with your ex-husband at the holiday, to celebrate with the others at another time of day or another date?

Hi Lisa .... oh, I'll get through it the same way I always have, except now I recognize the dissociation that I never realized before. I just "pretend" to be "fine" .... having fun, laughing, etc. After about 3 hours of this though, I go home totally exhausted .... it really wears me out to be so fake. And, oh, that Christmas music ..... I know lots of normal people love it, but to me it just brings sadness and more sadness. I can still see my mother - I was about 10 - throwing a plate with 2 waffles on it with syrup, at my Dad Christmas morning. The plate fell and broke, one of the waffles fell also, and the syrup-y one stuck to the wall and slowly slid down. That picture is indelibly carved into my brain. I'll get through it at my daughters ..... I have to.
abby

@amberpep Hi Abby,

I could wish for you to find a better way to get through the holiday. You are right about pretending - it does take a lot of energy and is very exhausting. Is it possible for you to stay for a shorter time period or are you obligated to stay for the whole day because of transportation needs?

Also, is it possible to decide, up front, that what happened when you were a child will not be happening again? It may take some mental effort to put those thoughts aside - but might it be worth a try?

Let us know if any of these ideas seem like they might work.

Teresa

Hi Teresa .... I do plan to leave waaaaay ahead of the others. I'm living in a new area and being totally directionally compromised (that's putting it mildly) I always leave so I will be home before dark. That's how I had the accident last week ..... it was dark (I left too late), raining, I got off at the wrong exit on the by-pass and that's all it took for me to be lost. And I turned around on what I thought was a gravel area, but the other half was grass ..... so my car just slid right into it! No, I'll be leaving very early this time.
abby

Hi Abby, @amberpep

That sounds like a good plan. I understand what you mean about being directionally compromised. I call myself "directionally impaired and map skill deficient." It covers the whole thing - I even leave extra time for getting lost when I'm going somewhere I've never been before - it really is frustrating at times, isn't it?

Teresa

OK, friends .... here goes. My upset with my therapist has turned into anger. WHY in the name of everything good, did he pick Christmas time to write this to me????? He KNOWS FULL WELL that Christmas is one of my hardest times of the year! Maybe my not being able to come up because of the accident ticked him off ..... he's human too. Well, I am pissed. (excuse please), and I am asking WHY NOW? I hope he thinks about this sometime in his spare moments and goes, "oops, probably not such a good time for that." You're damn right it wasn't. I know when I finally do see him, we are going to "discuss" this in a very direct, but courteous manner. He's the one that said "we need to dismantle "good Suzy" and let her "evil twin" come out now and then. He may be sorry he ever did that. No, I won't be nasty, but I definitely WILL be direct and he WILL know how it made me feel. After that? Who knows.
(sorry for the swearing friends)
abby

Hi Teresa ..... it's good to hear from another directionally impaired person .... maybe we should start a group! One strange thing though ..... when I was still married and my then-husband was driving, I absolutely LOVED looking at the map! Nothing particular .... just looking .... sounds nuts, I know, but ..... what can I say?
abby