~ sadness ~

@usernameca Why I like mayo connect. Everyday people understand and for the most part congenial and do not think they are superior because they have some kind of license. The members here are kind and caring which once rarely find in the professional role where it is their trade.

@amberpep Why are you wanting to know about your now-X??? N's only care about themselves. I did therapy with an N-X and he loudly declared there were no problems in the marriage. These kind of people control others in this manner. Nothing is ever their fault. I am a highly sensitive person and his regime was his...Do I still feel like I failed as a mother and a wife??? Of course I do and will continue to feel this way to my dying day. They are delightful as long as they get their way. They are clever copiers of others and see themselves as original thinkers.

Abby I’m sure there are people who love you you are special please reach out to a mental health provider ASAP or your general practitioner listen to calming music go for a massage reach out to positive people you are important keep us informed

I CAN RELATE TO YOUR FEELINGS ! MANY DAYS MY THOUGHTS JUST GO FROM ONE NRG. ISSUE TO ANOTHER. I AM 68 YRS. OLD WITH HEALTH ISSUES. LIVE ALONE. MY GET UP AND GO HAS BEEN GONE NOW FOR A FEW YEARS. I GO TO THERAPY & COGNATIVE TREATMENTS. I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A PROCESS
IS SLOW AND I MUST KEEP TRYING. I JUST FEEL SO DOWN I HATE THE FEELINGS !

You are so right Gail .... there has been so much happen in the passed 10 years that it makes my head spin ... a divorce after the 40 years, a knee replacement and then a revision, the move down here ($12,000) which I just finished paying off, I live in a low income apartment because I essentially live on S.S.,I'm looking for a job, but when they see your age (73), they immediately seem to think you're incapable of doing much of anything. I'll do anything - money is money. Now that I found out my X is seeing someone, whom all 3 of my kids have met ..... well, it makes that sting much stronger .... always the message "you're not good enough, you're nuts, you're irrational and illogical, blah, blah, blah." We were in marriage counseling for 3 much which did nothing as he wouldn't speak a word about his inner feelings and thoughts. I have been seeing a Psychologist for 15 years (in MD) and still drive up every other week for an appt., and I have a Psychiatrist who evaluates and prescribes the medications. At 73, it's just more sometimes than I can handle ... I want it all to end.
abby

@amberpep

I understand. I know how you feel right now. These feelings won't last. However you must work your way through them so you can look back and realize that you were depressed.

I still want your commitment that you won't harm yourself as I didn't see it in your post. Please call your therapist/psychologist as soon as possible to talk about how you are feeling. Sometimes your medicine can be the cause of your feelings, so also call your psychiatrist who can make changes to your prescriptions.

Last, let go of things your X is doing. It has no bearing on who you are. Your posts let me know that you are a strong woman who can handle things in your life. What he does and who he is has nothing to do with you. You can hold your head up and feel good that you have survived the last 10 years of changes. Talk to your kids and let them know that you don't want them to tell you what their father is doing. I had to pretend my X was dead in order to let go of my feelings of inadequacy around him.

Please keep in touch with me. If I was with you, I would give you a long hug and let you cry on my shoulder. You deserve to be happy dear woman.

@amberpep - please know many people care about you here at Mayo Clinic Connect. I'm very sorry things are feeling so sad, and very understandably with so many things from the past flooding through your thoughts right now. Sending you a virtual hug.

Did you by chance get to look at this discussion (you'll want to click on the link to see it on the site), https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/it-wont-end/?pg=1#comment-121524/? All the posts in this thread alone directed to you are powerful testimony that you matter, and that you are important to members here.

I'd like to tag some of those members who have talked with you before here and care about your well-being, like @charlie75 @annedodrill44 @anniegk @lauraleaisme @ssbionicknee @gingerw @karen00 @contentandwell (and I know there are many others, as well).

I agree with @gailb, that it sounds like you should call your therapist's office right away with feeling so low, and that I'd sure love to know you will not harm yourself. Would you offer some assurance on that and place a call to the therapist who has helped you so much?

Why in the world did I ever move down here? My kids hounded me for 3-4 years to come down, "to be closer" .... well closer yes, but also only about 18 miles from their father. He's got a huge 2-story house, on 3 acres of land, and he is just Mr. Wonderful. You're right parus, they are the only ones that are right. I'm afraid after growing up as I did, and then being married to an N for 40 years, "you're just not worth anything" is drilled into my brain. I see my therapist next Monday, and this Thurs. a Psychiatrist. Not the one I've seen for many years, but a different one, because my original one retired. It takes me a long while to trust so I measure my words carefully, not to my therapist, but to this new doctor. I wish I could see my therapist a few times a week for awhile, until I get over this hump. Right now I see no light at the end of this dark, deep tunnel. Life just sucks.

abby

@amberpep Hi Amber - this is Karen. Please let me know how you are!

@amberpep Hi Amber. Please try to find a bright side -- your daughters WANTED you there, they want to be closer and spend time with you. To me, that would be huge. I know that sometimes things seem like they will never get better but they always do. You are a valuable person, again that is obvious from your daughters wanting you in their lives.
I know that your divorce must have been exceedingly hard on you after so many years, but try to realize that he has lost out by divorcing. You are a good person and deserve the best. I hope you do manage to find some work, for me it would be a very positive thing. I got laid off of my last job which turned out to be fortunate because shortly after that my health problems developed, but I still miss working. I do manage to stay busy going to my health club. If I had grandchildren and they lived close by that would be great, they keep the grandmothers I know quite busy too.
Is there a senior center close to you? My sister goes to one weekly and enjoys it and has met a number of nice women there. She is now 73, some of the people there are younger than she is, some older. Push yourself to find the energy to get out and go somewhere like that or if you can find a job, do that. That would be win-win since money is tight. Many stores hire older people and of course then you get a discount there also.
DON'T GIVE UP. Things are bound to get better.
JK