~ sadness ~

Posted by amberpep @amberpep, Sep 29, 2018

Hello everyone ….. I am struggling with something that should no longer be my business, and I need to share it. I live in Staunton, VA, between the Blue Ridge Mountains and the Appalachian Mountains. When I was still married, my now-X and I used to rent a house in Wintergreen (a resort very close by) in late summer or early Fall. We would enjoy the trails, the pool, the restaurants, the views, and long walks at night. Now that I am living so closely to Wintergreen, I just feel very sad about losing all that. And, on top of that (and I realize this is none of my business) I think my X is dating someone. Why does that bother me? I don’t know. But it all ties in with our Fall outings we used to take. Maybe after 40 years, you never quite get passed that sadness when someone else is taking your place. Now I don’t know this for sure, but from things, both said and unsaid, I am getting that sense.
My therapist once said to me (and I know some of you won’t agree with this) that it is easier if a spouse dies rather than getting divorced. I know that sounds cruel, but I’m believing it to be true. There’s just this heavy sadness that I fear I will never be without any longer …. this situation, on top of having moved here in the first place …. well, it’s just a very, very, sad and difficult time for me.
abby

@amberpep

Something new ….. I think I'd better try to see my doctor tomorrow. After 2 weeks of dealing with this thing, and now finally reading about it and seeing pictures of it, I think I have Cat Scratch Disease. I took one of my cats to the Vet. 2 weeks ago – he's huge – 18 lb, so I wrap him up like a burrito. He wiggled out, scratched me on my right arm, right leg and upper left arm. The upper left arm formed a bump which looked sort of like a pimple. I tried to clean it out and it bled and bled …. this went on for about 5 days …. then I left it open at night to dry, same thing. Now it's the same, a little over 1/8" round blood blister looking thing, surrounded by a pale red ring. I'm going to go see my doctor tomorrow and if I can't get in I'll go to Med. Express except you have to pay outright in full at the time.
If it's not one thing it's another.
abby

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Sounds like something to not fool with. Take care of yourself. Let us know how it goes.

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@amberpep

Thank you to everyone who wrote to me when I was in that deep dark hole. I'm doing some better – not "normal" which I don't ever. expect to be, but just not in that black hole.Believe me, I appreciated all your care for me …. I have read many of your posts over and over and I think they helped me see "reality" differently a bit. Again, thank you all friends ….. you are all treasures to me.
abby

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I just read this post. I am not sure what all was happening, but I am happy you are on the healing path.
I need to definitely find my healing path. I m to find it and get punched down even further. I am also homeless in cold winter area.
I am thinking of you.

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Probably told you this somewhere along the line, but when I saw the new Psychiatrist last week – a very kindly fellow – he agreed with all the meds. my previous Psych. had Rx-d. One change he made was he upped the Lamictal from 1 a day to 3 a day.
Now, it seems, I've got what they call Cat Scratch Disease. My doctor is full and all the walk in's around here want full payment when services are rendered. I'm just keeping it clean, not pressing it at all so it doesn't bleed, keeping antibiotic ointment on it and a patch. There's a red ring around the blister. It's been 1-1/2 weeks and it does seem to be drying out. I hope so …. I don't want to go to the doctor or walk in clinic.
abby
PS … Tina … Can't Social Services help you find a place to live this winter? It seems they should be able to do something for you to help you over this tough time.
abby

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@tina5

I just read this post. I am not sure what all was happening, but I am happy you are on the healing path.
I need to definitely find my healing path. I m to find it and get punched down even further. I am also homeless in cold winter area.
I am thinking of you.

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Hello @tina5

What services are there in your locale for the homeless population? Any family, friends or churches that could help you? Are you a veteran or handicapped?

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@hopeful33250

Hello @tina5

What services are there in your locale for the homeless population? Any family, friends or churches that could help you? Are you a veteran or handicapped?

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Thank you for the message.
There is basically no services for help in South Dakota and if there is, it has been utilized due to time of year.
Family either died or the rest are severe alcoholics and extremely abusive in a different ways vs when I was growing up.
I have not found a church that will help.
I am not a veteran but am on disability due to brain injuries in childhood and adulthood, and have complex ptsd with ongoing trauma.
Thank you again for reaching out to me.
Tina

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@hopeful33250

@amberpep
Yes, please take care of that, and be well.

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This nasty looking thing on my arm just won't heal so I went to a Med. Express today ….. it kept bleeding everytime it was bumped and just looks awful. Well, as I thought ….. it's cat scratch fever, and I'm to keep an eye on the other 2 spots where he scratched me. All that explains the headache and the extreme fatigue. The doctor gave me a tetanus shot, and Rx's for 2 different antibiotics. She said to take my temp. every day – at least once or twice. If the other 2 spots show any signs of it, to come right in, but they shouldn't since I'll be taking antibiotic. And I'm to shower with Dial soap!
Honestly! What in the world is going on ….. it's just been a series of "stuff" ever since I moved here!
abby

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@amberpep

This nasty looking thing on my arm just won't heal so I went to a Med. Express today ….. it kept bleeding everytime it was bumped and just looks awful. Well, as I thought ….. it's cat scratch fever, and I'm to keep an eye on the other 2 spots where he scratched me. All that explains the headache and the extreme fatigue. The doctor gave me a tetanus shot, and Rx's for 2 different antibiotics. She said to take my temp. every day – at least once or twice. If the other 2 spots show any signs of it, to come right in, but they shouldn't since I'll be taking antibiotic. And I'm to shower with Dial soap!
Honestly! What in the world is going on ….. it's just been a series of "stuff" ever since I moved here!
abby

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I'm so glad that you saw a doctor, @amberpep, take care of yourself!

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@tina5

Thank you for the message.
There is basically no services for help in South Dakota and if there is, it has been utilized due to time of year.
Family either died or the rest are severe alcoholics and extremely abusive in a different ways vs when I was growing up.
I have not found a church that will help.
I am not a veteran but am on disability due to brain injuries in childhood and adulthood, and have complex ptsd with ongoing trauma.
Thank you again for reaching out to me.
Tina

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I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time finding a place to live. Salvation Army usually allows people to stay up to two weeks. Call United Way and see if they can put you in touch with someone who can help. Check with state disability offices to see if they can point you in the right direction. Contact food pantries to see if they know of any programs that can help you. That's all I can think of at the moment. I wish you luck with this research and hope you find a place to stay soon. Let us know.

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@amberpep

This nasty looking thing on my arm just won't heal so I went to a Med. Express today ….. it kept bleeding everytime it was bumped and just looks awful. Well, as I thought ….. it's cat scratch fever, and I'm to keep an eye on the other 2 spots where he scratched me. All that explains the headache and the extreme fatigue. The doctor gave me a tetanus shot, and Rx's for 2 different antibiotics. She said to take my temp. every day – at least once or twice. If the other 2 spots show any signs of it, to come right in, but they shouldn't since I'll be taking antibiotic. And I'm to shower with Dial soap!
Honestly! What in the world is going on ….. it's just been a series of "stuff" ever since I moved here!
abby

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I'm glad you made the choice to go to the doctor instesd of waiting. I think it was a smart decision and I hope you feel better soon! Once you do feel better it's easier to deal with whatever happens day to day. Just keep reminding yourself that there are better days coming when you won't feel so overwhelmed. I make a list so I can see what I've marked off and that reminds me that I'm making progress. Keep touching base to let us know how you're doing. We care.

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@amberpep Also glad to hear you went to get help. Cat scratch fever is nothing to ignore. You have enough to deal with. I do understand moving from a familiar place. Seems nothing ever goes right and oft times because we are not happy in our environment. Keeping you in my thoughts Abby girl.

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@tina5

Thank you for the message.
There is basically no services for help in South Dakota and if there is, it has been utilized due to time of year.
Family either died or the rest are severe alcoholics and extremely abusive in a different ways vs when I was growing up.
I have not found a church that will help.
I am not a veteran but am on disability due to brain injuries in childhood and adulthood, and have complex ptsd with ongoing trauma.
Thank you again for reaching out to me.
Tina

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Hello @tina5

In addition to the other suggestions offered, I was wondering if you have a disability case worker who could assist you in finding housing?

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@parus

@amberpep Also glad to hear you went to get help. Cat scratch fever is nothing to ignore. You have enough to deal with. I do understand moving from a familiar place. Seems nothing ever goes right and oft times because we are not happy in our environment. Keeping you in my thoughts Abby girl.

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@parus makes a very good point, @amberpep. Sometimes a negative feeling about one area of our life (your move to a new location) can color our perceptions about all aspects of life. I hope that you can find some positive thoughts to take you through this change. Will you keep me posted as to how you are feeling with your antibiotics and recovery from cat-scratch fever?

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Same here. Had a lovely ex who ended up being quite dangerous for me to be around. Yet I have so many fond memories of the relationship, of being cherished. It was good that it ended. But this time of the year was when it all went down. The intensity of feelings has only diminished because I made the choice.

Now, for every situation, I find motivations in the the unlikeliest of places……we will not only survive, but thrive.

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@amberpep

I'm so happy you're doing better with your emotions, and love it that you're going to a support group. I spent many years participating in groups as a member and eventually as a facilitator/leader. I still miss the sharing that took place there, which is why I so appreciate Mayo Connect. The same qualities of open, honest, respectful, and helpful sharing exists here.

My friend had Cat Scratch Fever and it took a few months to recover her energy. Please take care of yourself around it. I love kitties, but am always alert to their scratching behavior. I'm so glad you saw your doctor! Please keep us in your life as you make new friends in your area. I finally after nearly 3 years, decided to go to the Senior Center in Yorba Linda where I live. I'm SO happy I did.

I signed up for a Yoga class for 13 weeks, and have met some very nice women there. Two women from India told me they are taking the Oil Painting class I wanted to take but was feeling intimidated about. They encouraged me to go, and last Wednesday I had my first class. I'm so excited and started my first small painting in many years. I'm far more abstract in my vision than the other 25 or people in the class, but I feel very happy about painting again. Three hours flew by in what seemed like 10 minutes. Many people in the class go to lunch after the class, and invited me to join them. Next week I will go to lunch with them. I have the phone number of Olga, one of the Indian women so we can get together any time.

Another area where I'm making lasting relationships is in political volunteering. I've joined a small group of like-minded men and women. We go to City Council meetings, meet monthly to plan our agenda, and I have made two friends with whom I will meet personally for lunch. I'm so happy I started taking action on my desire to meet people in my new home. I was scared as I said, but older people seem much more open to welcoming others into their lives. You may want to check out the Senior Center in your area. They serve nutritious lunches for $3 as well, and many things they do are free of cost.

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@tina5

I lived in Scottsbluff, Nebraska for a couple of years, so I understand your concern about the weather and about finding help for your housing situation. There are so many Native Americans in the area who need help that most resources are very limited due to being used up. You may have already checked with your local Community Action Agency, but if not, I recommend that you do that. I do have a couple of friends in Scottsbluff with whom I stay in touch. One woman is closely integrated into the Native American community and may be able to give you some names or guidance in your search for assistance. If you will send me a private message with your contact information, I will talk with my friend and see if she can offer you any help. Then she can contact you.

I'm so sorry you are in this situation of near homelessness! We as a nation need to provide a safety net for those who are in vulnerable situations. Contacting the Disability governmental agency for S.Dakota is a good idea. I'm glad you have reached out for help. If need be, are you able to relocate to another state or area? Please contact me.

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