OCD and Major Depression

Posted by mariajean03 @mariajean03, Oct 26, 2020

I'm overly medicated but am afraid to cut back. When I do I spend all nite worrying I won't sleep! All I do is lay there doing tormenting compulsions. Wake up very dizzy every morning,. It goes away in 2 hours. I need to taper off 325mg. Seraquel but too scared. I have been able to stay out of the hospital for a year though. So confused. Any suggestions? Maria.

@jesfactsmon

@mariajean03
Maria, in my family, pain is an alien term. Most of my 6 siblings and my parents have never been very sick and none have ever dealt with any long term pain. They also don't relate to unhappiness. They only relate to keeping things light, don't be too serious, don't be deep. Most do not know how to show any sort of deep affection either. They act like they care, in a superficial way and will show concern, as long as you don't demand too much of their time listening to some tale of woe. It's a funny bunch. Not bad people at all, just no experience of much bad in their lives and not much interest in unhappy or uncomfortable topics. Unlike your siblings, mine do not drink much, or have any addictions per se.

My wife is probably the sickest most pain-ridden person connected to my family. They make sure to sound caring and I know they intend to show compassion, just not to the point of dwelling on it too long. Because of this I often find it difficult to relate to some people in my family. I still love all of them, but I just know not to expect too much of them or more than is realistic.

I tell you this just to convey to you that it is probably not that uncommon for someone with a lot of health issues to not receive much caring and compassion from within their family circle. It might be good to just accept them for what they are and for what they have to offer and leave it at that. The way it sounds, you probably will get more emotional support and understanding on Mayo Connect than you will from your siblings.

But if I am in any way missing the mark as it applies to you, please feel free to discount this as you see fit. Best to you, Hank

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HOW May I CONTACT YOU PRIVATELY?

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You can contact me through private message so I can share my email with you.

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@mjpg2013

Maria "you" are way to hard on yourself.when you say nobody cares if you're even alive. I use to have a very very low opinion of myself too. I think its because we dont give ourselfs enough credit for the things we do. We have to be our own advocates sometimes and seek out the help we need for ourselfs.No one should have to live in an enviroment that tears down our positivity. I had to learn the hard way with my family. I dont talk to my sisters about my day to day life.We will just share words about how everybodyis doing and here lately its been about trying to avoid getting covid 19.I live in Sellersburg Indiana.Its 12miles north of Louisvilly Ky. Private message me for my phone number. You can call me and dont be surprised to learn how much we have in common.I hate hearing about how much you are going through and I just want to try and help you get your spunk back….marcie
,.

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Thanks Marcie. You are very kind. I will think about getting your #. I got a special message from God regarding this Thanksgiving Holiday! I don't wish to share it but I know it was from above. My family doesn't know what they are missing out on. I am a wonderful person. Maria.

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@woogie

HOW May I CONTACT YOU PRIVATELY?

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Hi @woogie
If you go to this page you will find instructions on "How to send a Private Message"
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/get-started-on-connect/
Best, Hank

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@mjpg2013

Hi, Here in Indiana we have case workers and a mental health Philicity called Lifespring.Thats where I was going until this pandemic hit and now I talk to my people over the phone. If you need section 8 housing to be able to afford your own place to live. Reach out and get the number for a program like it in your community. Get a legal aid lawyer and get a divorce. Best thing I ever did.Of course i have a"Residual disability because of all the abuse I had to tolerate and endure. Its been 23 years since the big D took place and Im like a new person. I have to take medication to keep me stable and as normal as what normal is these days.They dont interfear with my freedom i jus have to rest alot and move slower then I use to bc of dizziesness when I stand up or lay down.ok I hope it helps/ take care. marcie

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Can I ask you what meds make you dizzy? I have the same problem. Maria.

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@woogie

HOW May I CONTACT YOU PRIVATELY?

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Click on my user name. Clicksend private message. Type my name or @ user name. Thanks.

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@mariajean03

Can I ask you what meds make you dizzy? I have the same problem. Maria.

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I'm on several meds that may cause it. i think it's the Fanapt which is an anti-psycotic for auditory hallutionations.

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I'm not sure how I would be diagnosed if had someone to listen to my story. I've always tried to be strong in this life. I had to my mom and sisters needed that. Every man that came into our lives did wrong by us. At least that's what I seen. I was 3 when my dad vanished from my life and i can remember dropping him off at the pig slaughterhouse in LA and foggy memory til I was 6 and living in azusa Ca acrossbfrom the brown bag plant well my mom left and had our pit bulls watching us 3 girls well the water man came up to the door . Our dogs remember him touting them in previous days so when he turned to walk away his pole struck our dogs head and our dog attacked him and let go he ran to his truck and grabbed mass and ran back to spray our dogs so they both attacked him and was chewing his leg well by that time the police showed up and got out of there cars and shot my dogs in the head. And I blacked out after seeing that woke up with a fever and i was delousoninal I'll i can see is fire around me and I'm tripping out my grandma had a stroke they rushed her to the hospital they took me to the hospital and I was put in a bed of ice. And I wasn't aloud to talk about what I saw. So I blocked it out. Then i was 8 years old in School had a bad stomach ache and nurse sent me home told me my step dad was home to go ahead and walk home. Well I started off to walk home not knowing what to do because the man at was molesting me for about 2months sby now. So i walked around the neighborhood til i thought it was safe. To head home i didn't wait long enough he was home. And got touched by him for what reason idk . He said he would kill my mom if I told on him. So I kept it to myself witnessing my mom give him oral pleasure I was in disbelief of what I saw. I waited until he was going on a fishing trip for the weekend and my sis the neighbor girl and I told my mom the second he walked out the door she was asleep on the couch down stairs. I'll never forget… and by the age of 10 I'd been in foster care and visitations with me mom and I even tried to hide in the back floorboard of her car so I could leave with my mom. I didn't care I wanted my mom only. Cant remember much until I was 15 years old and I was eating zoloft to sleep away my problems and I left to the er to have my stomach pumped …..then I remember. Being 16 driving a friend of a friends car and finding a dog and I picked him up and told my mom I wanted to keep him scruffyluffaguse was his name and my mom kicked me out cause I wouldn't let the dog go. So I left and drove the car to the owner and he was mad about his car and started choking me and i blacked out and when i woke up i ran out of the house and the dog was right there with me so it's about 1130 PM in Baldwin park ,Ca . I had none or nowhere to go walking around …. Then a guy stops in the street . Telling me shouldn't be out hear all Lone in this town at night. And kept telling me he will get me a room and pay for it and he wouldn't stay he will give me my key and he would go . He just wanted to help me out … I agreed and to my nolage I made a good call with guys he did just as he said . I'm so naive….I got a rm and a key and beer and a date rape pill I passed out groggy and could feel him on me and he was biting my neck and sucking super hard I could feel every little thing . Down to the blood being sucked to the surface of my skin. That was the most pain I could focus on I was going in and out of concussness. Thank God that I lived to remember that night … because these days they would just kill you. The next morning I felt so messed up in the head I hated everything around me I hated everything about my self. Felt like I couldn't even keep myself safe . I start to turn to people that hated blacks I was violated by a man of color. I went on to do bad things living in this world of hate and anger. I self destructed in every way possible . I robbed I fought I threatened lives to me I had no other choices And did a spiral out of control …. in the mix of all this i was robbed at gun point hog tied and guns pointed to my head threats of death if I didn't give up names … I kept my mouth shut and dealt with it all until they left … I was a hot mess turned out I was part of my boyfriends issues he was having …. I found a guy that was a big time in town and wanted me . We meet at a dealers house and I fell hard then a ex bf found out showed up to the house I was hanging at and took out a big knife and started stabbing my boyfriend in the chest 9 times and ran off we called 911 they got him th o the hospital and he lived through that .

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@tlovesherdad2020

I'm not sure how I would be diagnosed if had someone to listen to my story. I've always tried to be strong in this life. I had to my mom and sisters needed that. Every man that came into our lives did wrong by us. At least that's what I seen. I was 3 when my dad vanished from my life and i can remember dropping him off at the pig slaughterhouse in LA and foggy memory til I was 6 and living in azusa Ca acrossbfrom the brown bag plant well my mom left and had our pit bulls watching us 3 girls well the water man came up to the door . Our dogs remember him touting them in previous days so when he turned to walk away his pole struck our dogs head and our dog attacked him and let go he ran to his truck and grabbed mass and ran back to spray our dogs so they both attacked him and was chewing his leg well by that time the police showed up and got out of there cars and shot my dogs in the head. And I blacked out after seeing that woke up with a fever and i was delousoninal I'll i can see is fire around me and I'm tripping out my grandma had a stroke they rushed her to the hospital they took me to the hospital and I was put in a bed of ice. And I wasn't aloud to talk about what I saw. So I blocked it out. Then i was 8 years old in School had a bad stomach ache and nurse sent me home told me my step dad was home to go ahead and walk home. Well I started off to walk home not knowing what to do because the man at was molesting me for about 2months sby now. So i walked around the neighborhood til i thought it was safe. To head home i didn't wait long enough he was home. And got touched by him for what reason idk . He said he would kill my mom if I told on him. So I kept it to myself witnessing my mom give him oral pleasure I was in disbelief of what I saw. I waited until he was going on a fishing trip for the weekend and my sis the neighbor girl and I told my mom the second he walked out the door she was asleep on the couch down stairs. I'll never forget… and by the age of 10 I'd been in foster care and visitations with me mom and I even tried to hide in the back floorboard of her car so I could leave with my mom. I didn't care I wanted my mom only. Cant remember much until I was 15 years old and I was eating zoloft to sleep away my problems and I left to the er to have my stomach pumped …..then I remember. Being 16 driving a friend of a friends car and finding a dog and I picked him up and told my mom I wanted to keep him scruffyluffaguse was his name and my mom kicked me out cause I wouldn't let the dog go. So I left and drove the car to the owner and he was mad about his car and started choking me and i blacked out and when i woke up i ran out of the house and the dog was right there with me so it's about 1130 PM in Baldwin park ,Ca . I had none or nowhere to go walking around …. Then a guy stops in the street . Telling me shouldn't be out hear all Lone in this town at night. And kept telling me he will get me a room and pay for it and he wouldn't stay he will give me my key and he would go . He just wanted to help me out … I agreed and to my nolage I made a good call with guys he did just as he said . I'm so naive….I got a rm and a key and beer and a date rape pill I passed out groggy and could feel him on me and he was biting my neck and sucking super hard I could feel every little thing . Down to the blood being sucked to the surface of my skin. That was the most pain I could focus on I was going in and out of concussness. Thank God that I lived to remember that night … because these days they would just kill you. The next morning I felt so messed up in the head I hated everything around me I hated everything about my self. Felt like I couldn't even keep myself safe . I start to turn to people that hated blacks I was violated by a man of color. I went on to do bad things living in this world of hate and anger. I self destructed in every way possible . I robbed I fought I threatened lives to me I had no other choices And did a spiral out of control …. in the mix of all this i was robbed at gun point hog tied and guns pointed to my head threats of death if I didn't give up names … I kept my mouth shut and dealt with it all until they left … I was a hot mess turned out I was part of my boyfriends issues he was having …. I found a guy that was a big time in town and wanted me . We meet at a dealers house and I fell hard then a ex bf found out showed up to the house I was hanging at and took out a big knife and started stabbing my boyfriend in the chest 9 times and ran off we called 911 they got him th o the hospital and he lived through that .

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To be Continued …..

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Hello @tlovesherdad2020 . As a new member, I am glad you found your way into a group and discussion that allowed you to share your story. Many members have had trauma in their lives leading to their diagnosis.

Given the layers of your experiences, I am wondering if you've ever shared your story with psychologist or psychiatrist to work through your years of trauma and to attempt to heal?

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@mjpg2013

I'm on several meds that may cause it. i think it's the Fanapt which is an anti-psycotic for auditory hallutionations.

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I think it's my Seraquel and I'm going to look into a neurologist to work with my shrink! Pray that works. Maria.

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I have a shrink as well! Have you ever heard of tardive disconeasia.

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