Long-term depression

Posted by anniep @anniep, Mar 8, 2017

New to the group; would like to ask how others find something to look forward to in life? At my age, there’s nothing to hope for, except death. I am a born-again Christian, so I know there is an escape from the physical pain and limitations brought on by illness, and escape from daily depression and motivation to continue. I try to remain active and do have interests, but sometimes the depression is too much. I have also realized when others say they care, etc., there truly is no one who means what they say. It’s “We care, so long as you just keep doing your job here, but don’t bother me – but we love you!” I’m old enough to know this is not true, but a method to keep a warm body in a position to get a job done. One of my 92 year old neighbors happily moves along, although she tells me almost all her friends are gone, etc. I can’t ask her what motivates her. How do others have hope for anything after their families are gone and there is nothing else?

@parus I’m very sorry to hear that.
Does it have something to do with Christmas time?

Liked by Parus

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@parus

The villain has returned. Telling self it is inevitable. My constant companion that goes about lurk, lurk, lurking and returns without warning or bidding. Some distant Nirvana with the gray mist of Gehenna. Cannot have one without the other. Things to learn from both.

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@parus

Yes, I believe you once said to “befriend” depression – we can learn from both the good and not-so-good days. Praying that your mood lifts and that you feel better.

Teresa

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The mood thing comes and goes-the infinite see-saw called adaptation mixed with mostly resilience as the body does keep score. Mind and body are connected.
@theotherone Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year. Endeavoring to replace the distortions of others with my own new and pleasant memories. Money never has purchased happiness and may provide some with a temporary sense of thus.

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@french

I can relate to you, as you get older, my depression, long term gets harder. I would only see my docter every six months. My chronic fibromyalgia, SAD, and I can’t rule out genetic. A horrible tragedy, my 49 yr. daughter took her life almost seven years, will be in December, fractured our family. My oldest son is in nursing home with bipolar, and med induced kidney damage, and diabetes. So my family really is really limited, other son lives out of town, and we don’t see him, he has a daughter with a learning disability, his wife is a lovely person, coping with Crohn, and other daughter now. He didn’t get therapy when he lost his sister, and drinking became a problem. I see him once or twice a year. His plate is full.

This past year my fatigue and anxiety is a huge problem. I have an excellent psychiatrist but had to change anti-depressant and any anti-anxiety med doesn’t agree with me. It has been a difficult journey when you lose a child, in this manner you never do get back to your former self.

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I'm so sorry for your loss @french.I hope you continue getting the support that helps you.Im so glad we have Connect for our support to.

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@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

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Before I got on the right medication (MAOI) I tried the helping others will make you feel better program. It made my symptoms worse. Getting on the right meds and maybe home health coming to your house until your meds kick in may help. My motivation each day is that I can't quit until I empty my four storage units, donate what I'm not keeping, then finally decorating my apartment like I see it in my head. I can't leave it to my cousin to go through the storage units. That,s asking too much so I have to get it done. I pay a local mover to bring me boxes to go through and to take away the donations. They give me a greatly reduced rate because I suggested they use my job as filler when they have a couple hours between other jobs. It will take longer to empty the storage units but keeps me from feeling overwhelmed by a bunch of boxes to get my wheelchair around. If your environment is causing you stress getting help to fix that will help you feel better too. I hope something I've said helps a little.

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@anniep
I agree. Sometimes you have to say no to protect yourself and your health. It's hard to do. I struggled with it for many years. I wish you the ability to not let yourself be taken advantage of. I also wish you a strong support system to take up where you aren't getting the backing.

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Hello, @pearlbaby7 – welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I agree that not letting yourself be taken advantage of is important.

It sounds from your posts like you may have had some experiences with needing to say no to protect yourself and your health, however hard to do. Wondering if you would share more about those, if you feel comfortable?

@theotherone – wanted to see how you are doing these days? Did you end up finding a new psychiatrist?

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@lisalucier
I've always been the responsible type. If I see something that needs to be done I do it. People would ask me to do things because they knew I'd get it done.
I think I always said yes because I wanted people to like me. Also, embarrassing as it is to admit, there were times I thought I could do a better job than anyone else.
Before I found an antidepressant that gave me some relief I was on a rollercoaster that was going deeper and deeper and staying down there longer and longer.
Always saying yes resulted in being overcommitted and overwhelmed. I wasn't doing a good job with my commitments and was missing timeframes I'd agreed to. The guilt this created weighed me down even more.
Getting on meds that gave me some relief also gave me the opportunity to realize I had to pick and choose what I said yes to. I had taken an assertiveness class where I was told I didn't have to give a reason for saying no and if I got push back just keep repeating myself.
As I started saying, "I can't right now but thank you for thinking of me", I did get some unhappy people pushing back. It was hard for me to not cave and say yes but I knew I'd be in bad shape if I did. So I would repeat myself. There were a few times I had to follow up with, "Have a good day!" and hang up. The more often I did it the easier it got. If I was leaning toward saying yes when I didn't really want to (we all have those days we aren't as strong) I would tell them I'd call them back after I looked at what was on my plate. That gave me time to talk to myself and get some conviction back.
This didn't happen overnight. It was a battle I fought and sometimes still do. I've learned that I have to protect myself because no one can do that better.

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Thank you for sharing Lisa!
I have allowed myself to be taken advantage of as long as I can remember.
I've been trying to change this for the last few months. I have noticed that most of those test me and are upset with me.
It does feel good at the end of the day tho. My dad ysed ti tell me, "No" is a complete sentence.
I've been told to practice, practice and practice some more.
I'd live to hear more from you regarding your feelings and successes.
Thanks again, Kelli

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@lisalucier

Hello, @pearlbaby7 – welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I agree that not letting yourself be taken advantage of is important.

It sounds from your posts like you may have had some experiences with needing to say no to protect yourself and your health, however hard to do. Wondering if you would share more about those, if you feel comfortable?

@theotherone – wanted to see how you are doing these days? Did you end up finding a new psychiatrist?

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@lisalucier Thanks for remembering me although I haven't posted anything for long time.
I don't have new psychiatrist yet. I don't know how to explain that by words but I somehow I have a problem to look for a new one. I feel disappointed by attitude of this one and somehow it is hard for me to approach any. I haven't visited my current psychiatrist since February. I just asked her to send me prescription by post. It is always ok with her, she never even asks of how I'm doing. I really feel disappointed, I don't see any real interest there and I don't have strength to look for a new one.
Actually, I'm out of Fevarin (Fluvoxamine) for more that one week already. I'm taking it since 2009. I think I experience withdrawal symptoms. I feel nervous, agitated, my sleep is very bad and even when I manage to sleep I have bad dreams, very vivid and total nonsense. I also experience dizziness and feeling like I'm losing the balance. My doctor is on holiday so I will call her on Monday to send me the prescription.

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@pearlbaby7

@lisalucier
I've always been the responsible type. If I see something that needs to be done I do it. People would ask me to do things because they knew I'd get it done.
I think I always said yes because I wanted people to like me. Also, embarrassing as it is to admit, there were times I thought I could do a better job than anyone else.
Before I found an antidepressant that gave me some relief I was on a rollercoaster that was going deeper and deeper and staying down there longer and longer.
Always saying yes resulted in being overcommitted and overwhelmed. I wasn't doing a good job with my commitments and was missing timeframes I'd agreed to. The guilt this created weighed me down even more.
Getting on meds that gave me some relief also gave me the opportunity to realize I had to pick and choose what I said yes to. I had taken an assertiveness class where I was told I didn't have to give a reason for saying no and if I got push back just keep repeating myself.
As I started saying, "I can't right now but thank you for thinking of me", I did get some unhappy people pushing back. It was hard for me to not cave and say yes but I knew I'd be in bad shape if I did. So I would repeat myself. There were a few times I had to follow up with, "Have a good day!" and hang up. The more often I did it the easier it got. If I was leaning toward saying yes when I didn't really want to (we all have those days we aren't as strong) I would tell them I'd call them back after I looked at what was on my plate. That gave me time to talk to myself and get some conviction back.
This didn't happen overnight. It was a battle I fought and sometimes still do. I've learned that I have to protect myself because no one can do that better.

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@pearlbaby7 Took me 65 years to learn it was okay to say no and not give a reason. This resulted in having no friends (they were not really friends) and alienating others as I would and could no longer live up to THEIR expectations and demands. There comes a time when it becomes necessary to set boundaries. I have learned that most people in my life were not worth it.
Doing what I can to get on with MY life. The world I have known is based on material wealth. I feel better having set boundaries. Better off lonely than being used to the point of abuse. Of course, now I am a selfish person.

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@sadamma4

Thank you for sharing Lisa!
I have allowed myself to be taken advantage of as long as I can remember.
I've been trying to change this for the last few months. I have noticed that most of those test me and are upset with me.
It does feel good at the end of the day tho. My dad ysed ti tell me, "No" is a complete sentence.
I've been told to practice, practice and practice some more.
I'd live to hear more from you regarding your feelings and successes.
Thanks again, Kelli

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@kelli It is a slow process and worth the journey-I am still traveling.

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@lisalucier

Hello, @pearlbaby7 – welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I agree that not letting yourself be taken advantage of is important.

It sounds from your posts like you may have had some experiences with needing to say no to protect yourself and your health, however hard to do. Wondering if you would share more about those, if you feel comfortable?

@theotherone – wanted to see how you are doing these days? Did you end up finding a new psychiatrist?

Jump to this post

Hi, @theotherone – good to hear from you. That is disappointing to not feel like you are seeing any real interest from your psychiatrist. I would feel that way, too.

You mentioned being out of fluvoxamine (fevarin) and experiencing what you believe are withdrawal symptoms. Here is some Mayo Clinic information on this medication which may be useful, https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/fluvoxamine-oral-route/description/drg-20066874. I wanted to point out this part in the Precautions section, in particular:

Do not suddenly stop taking this medicine without checking with your doctor first. Your doctor may want you to gradually reduce the amount you are taking before stopping it completely. This is to decrease the chance of having withdrawal symptoms such as agitation, confusion, headache, irritability, numbness or tingling, restlessness, trouble sleeping, or unusual drowsiness or weakness.

I'd encourage you to monitor your symptoms carefully, and please don't hesitate to go to urgent care or the ER, especially with the agitation, dizziness and loss of balance. I personally had some challenges a number of years ago when a tapering schedule I had for an antidepressant didn't seem to work out right and I had some of the symptoms you describe. I finally went to urgent care, and they took it seriously and gave me some medication to get me through the weekend and calm my symptoms.

@theotherone – do you have a friend or relative you might alert you are going through some of these symptoms with going off of the medication, or who might help with finding you a new psychiatrist?

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@pearlbaby7

@lisalucier
I've always been the responsible type. If I see something that needs to be done I do it. People would ask me to do things because they knew I'd get it done.
I think I always said yes because I wanted people to like me. Also, embarrassing as it is to admit, there were times I thought I could do a better job than anyone else.
Before I found an antidepressant that gave me some relief I was on a rollercoaster that was going deeper and deeper and staying down there longer and longer.
Always saying yes resulted in being overcommitted and overwhelmed. I wasn't doing a good job with my commitments and was missing timeframes I'd agreed to. The guilt this created weighed me down even more.
Getting on meds that gave me some relief also gave me the opportunity to realize I had to pick and choose what I said yes to. I had taken an assertiveness class where I was told I didn't have to give a reason for saying no and if I got push back just keep repeating myself.
As I started saying, "I can't right now but thank you for thinking of me", I did get some unhappy people pushing back. It was hard for me to not cave and say yes but I knew I'd be in bad shape if I did. So I would repeat myself. There were a few times I had to follow up with, "Have a good day!" and hang up. The more often I did it the easier it got. If I was leaning toward saying yes when I didn't really want to (we all have those days we aren't as strong) I would tell them I'd call them back after I looked at what was on my plate. That gave me time to talk to myself and get some conviction back.
This didn't happen overnight. It was a battle I fought and sometimes still do. I've learned that I have to protect myself because no one can do that better.

Jump to this post

@parus Boy, I can really relate to this! At 65 now, and having just moved to a new city where no one knows me, I am working hard on taking care of me. There is the depression of feeling that my support system that was in place in the other city has permanently disappeared. But the need to create a net of support will drive me to step out, but have to remind myself everyday to not trade it for saying "yes" when It's not true.

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@lisalucier

Hi, @theotherone – good to hear from you. That is disappointing to not feel like you are seeing any real interest from your psychiatrist. I would feel that way, too.

You mentioned being out of fluvoxamine (fevarin) and experiencing what you believe are withdrawal symptoms. Here is some Mayo Clinic information on this medication which may be useful, https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/fluvoxamine-oral-route/description/drg-20066874. I wanted to point out this part in the Precautions section, in particular:

Do not suddenly stop taking this medicine without checking with your doctor first. Your doctor may want you to gradually reduce the amount you are taking before stopping it completely. This is to decrease the chance of having withdrawal symptoms such as agitation, confusion, headache, irritability, numbness or tingling, restlessness, trouble sleeping, or unusual drowsiness or weakness.

I'd encourage you to monitor your symptoms carefully, and please don't hesitate to go to urgent care or the ER, especially with the agitation, dizziness and loss of balance. I personally had some challenges a number of years ago when a tapering schedule I had for an antidepressant didn't seem to work out right and I had some of the symptoms you describe. I finally went to urgent care, and they took it seriously and gave me some medication to get me through the weekend and calm my symptoms.

@theotherone – do you have a friend or relative you might alert you are going through some of these symptoms with going off of the medication, or who might help with finding you a new psychiatrist?

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@lisalucier so I went to my doctor today. I called her yesterday and she told me I can come. My visit tool less than 5 minutes. I just asked for the prescription, there were no space to discuss anything, like the problems I have with withdrawal symptoms. By the way, is it common that her daughter is there with her? She is around 10 or 11 I guess. I mean literary sitting there and listening to her discussions with the patients? For me gt was not possible to open up and talk about what I should talk to her. I just asked for my prescription and left.

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