Long-term depression

Posted by anniep @anniep, Mar 8, 2017

New to the group; would like to ask how others find something to look forward to in life? At my age, there’s nothing to hope for, except death. I am a born-again Christian, so I know there is an escape from the physical pain and limitations brought on by illness, and escape from daily depression and motivation to continue. I try to remain active and do have interests, but sometimes the depression is too much. I have also realized when others say they care, etc., there truly is no one who means what they say. It’s “We care, so long as you just keep doing your job here, but don’t bother me – but we love you!” I’m old enough to know this is not true, but a method to keep a warm body in a position to get a job done. One of my 92 year old neighbors happily moves along, although she tells me almost all her friends are gone, etc. I can’t ask her what motivates her. How do others have hope for anything after their families are gone and there is nothing else?

@jimhd

@gingerw

It has to have caused some deep emotional scars. And from your twin! It's hard to understand why people do as they do.

Jim

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@jimhd We will never be able to understand why people do what they do to one another. I come here where no one can hurt me.

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@gingerw

@pearlbaby7 We cannot pick our families, nor their interaction with us. I do not have any children, by choice, but I do have two siblings who do not interact with me, one being my twin brother who turned his back to me over 40 years ago. So, my friends are the family of choice, for me.
Ginger

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@gingerw My sisters have disowned me. My whole family did. I must be one bad-ass person. If I had done all I was accused of I would be in prison. This likely would have pleased them. Especially the mother.

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@jimhd

@gingerw

It has to have caused some deep emotional scars. And from your twin! It's hard to understand why people do as they do.

Jim

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@jimhd It has been a stepping stone, not millstone. My choice on how to deal with it.
Ginger

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@parus

@jimhd We will never be able to understand why people do what they do to one another. I come here where no one can hurt me.

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@parus

I agree with you that each of us needs a safe haven.

Jim

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To all of us dealing with estrangement and all of the family issues-we are doing the best we can. I struggle with depression daily but still shove the past aside and endeavor to love those around me. Whether they love me in return is their choice. The hardest thing for me is setting boundaries then getting hurt again and become angry again for allowing the same damn thing happen again. I continually remind myself I can only control my own thoughts and actions. I lie to myself too. Emotions are always a challenge. There are days I cannot face the challenge and they are totally disgusting. I do know I have ceased groveling and apologizing so much. I cannot possibly have the control others try to place upon me-likewise I ought not to allow them to have control over me and how I see myself. And I am confusing myself at this point and getting dizzy. We are who/what we are. I am me and this is best I can be.

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@parus Right on!!! I especially like your last sentence "I am me and this is the best I can be." Family can sometimes be the most toxic people in your life. You cannot choose your family, but you can choose your friends and make them your family. I have a sister that I have not seen nor spoken to in 8 years, and it has been blissful. My brother has recently joined my exclusion due to having a very bad moral compass. It is important to surround yourself with people that have good energy and compliment your life; not complicate. I struggle with a chronic illness that saps my energy, so, I really have very little patience with non-sense anymore.

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@parus

To all of us dealing with estrangement and all of the family issues-we are doing the best we can. I struggle with depression daily but still shove the past aside and endeavor to love those around me. Whether they love me in return is their choice. The hardest thing for me is setting boundaries then getting hurt again and become angry again for allowing the same damn thing happen again. I continually remind myself I can only control my own thoughts and actions. I lie to myself too. Emotions are always a challenge. There are days I cannot face the challenge and they are totally disgusting. I do know I have ceased groveling and apologizing so much. I cannot possibly have the control others try to place upon me-likewise I ought not to allow them to have control over me and how I see myself. And I am confusing myself at this point and getting dizzy. We are who/what we are. I am me and this is best I can be.

Jump to this post

@parus

I sense in both your thoughts expressed in your words, and in your attitude, a move in a positive direction since we last talked. You go!!

I keep thinking that I've released myself from the control of people who have hurt me deeply. Then, up pops a reminder, and I let it go one more time. If only it were an instant, one time action.

I agree with you. My therapists over the past 12 years have worked with me to accept myself as is. Progress has been made in both of us.

Jim

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@parus

To all of us dealing with estrangement and all of the family issues-we are doing the best we can. I struggle with depression daily but still shove the past aside and endeavor to love those around me. Whether they love me in return is their choice. The hardest thing for me is setting boundaries then getting hurt again and become angry again for allowing the same damn thing happen again. I continually remind myself I can only control my own thoughts and actions. I lie to myself too. Emotions are always a challenge. There are days I cannot face the challenge and they are totally disgusting. I do know I have ceased groveling and apologizing so much. I cannot possibly have the control others try to place upon me-likewise I ought not to allow them to have control over me and how I see myself. And I am confusing myself at this point and getting dizzy. We are who/what we are. I am me and this is best I can be.

Jump to this post

Replying to @parus, you are you, and perfectly imperfect but greatly loved, exactly as you are! It amazes me how people do not value the importance of simply being yourself.

I cannot pattern myself after anyone else. I have family that I have chosen to let go, because they dumped me into the throwaway box many years ago.

All I can think is that most of them care only for themselves. The Times we shared are erased from their minda, just as I have been erased from their Christmas list.

There are homes I have never been in. Family members who show up now and again at funerals, speak to me as if we lived just around the corner. I don't buy that anymore. I have cried and been heartbroken too many times

The only crime I have commited is being on the Spectrum. I don't fit into their society. So I make friends with the dreamers and the doers, the poets and the writers. The musicians and the counselors, the pastors and the teachers. And every one in between.

I read, paint, listen to music, and practice self care. I read everything I can on Narcissists. I have a good life, even though arthritis rears its ugly head in retaliation to my Fibromyalgia being calmed

You are so right. We cannot change other people. Especially people who don't even know they need to be changed I welcome change.

Love and virtual hugs to you,

Mamacita Jane

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@mamacita

Replying to @parus, you are you, and perfectly imperfect but greatly loved, exactly as you are! It amazes me how people do not value the importance of simply being yourself.

I cannot pattern myself after anyone else. I have family that I have chosen to let go, because they dumped me into the throwaway box many years ago.

All I can think is that most of them care only for themselves. The Times we shared are erased from their minda, just as I have been erased from their Christmas list.

There are homes I have never been in. Family members who show up now and again at funerals, speak to me as if we lived just around the corner. I don't buy that anymore. I have cried and been heartbroken too many times

The only crime I have commited is being on the Spectrum. I don't fit into their society. So I make friends with the dreamers and the doers, the poets and the writers. The musicians and the counselors, the pastors and the teachers. And every one in between.

I read, paint, listen to music, and practice self care. I read everything I can on Narcissists. I have a good life, even though arthritis rears its ugly head in retaliation to my Fibromyalgia being calmed

You are so right. We cannot change other people. Especially people who don't even know they need to be changed I welcome change.

Love and virtual hugs to you,

Mamacita Jane

Jump to this post

@mamacita

I'm glad to see that musicians and pastors made your list b/c both have been my life for nearly 50 years.

Jim

REPLY
@mamacita

Replying to @parus, you are you, and perfectly imperfect but greatly loved, exactly as you are! It amazes me how people do not value the importance of simply being yourself.

I cannot pattern myself after anyone else. I have family that I have chosen to let go, because they dumped me into the throwaway box many years ago.

All I can think is that most of them care only for themselves. The Times we shared are erased from their minda, just as I have been erased from their Christmas list.

There are homes I have never been in. Family members who show up now and again at funerals, speak to me as if we lived just around the corner. I don't buy that anymore. I have cried and been heartbroken too many times

The only crime I have commited is being on the Spectrum. I don't fit into their society. So I make friends with the dreamers and the doers, the poets and the writers. The musicians and the counselors, the pastors and the teachers. And every one in between.

I read, paint, listen to music, and practice self care. I read everything I can on Narcissists. I have a good life, even though arthritis rears its ugly head in retaliation to my Fibromyalgia being calmed

You are so right. We cannot change other people. Especially people who don't even know they need to be changed I welcome change.

Love and virtual hugs to you,

Mamacita Jane

Jump to this post

@mamacita There are those who help me realize how special I am…

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@jimhd

@parus

I sense in both your thoughts expressed in your words, and in your attitude, a move in a positive direction since we last talked. You go!!

I keep thinking that I've released myself from the control of people who have hurt me deeply. Then, up pops a reminder, and I let it go one more time. If only it were an instant, one time action.

I agree with you. My therapists over the past 12 years have worked with me to accept myself as is. Progress has been made in both of us.

Jim

Jump to this post

@jimhd Thanks Jim. We are both awesome and have survived many a battle. Good to see you are still with us.

REPLY
@windwalker

@parus Right on!!! I especially like your last sentence "I am me and this is the best I can be." Family can sometimes be the most toxic people in your life. You cannot choose your family, but you can choose your friends and make them your family. I have a sister that I have not seen nor spoken to in 8 years, and it has been blissful. My brother has recently joined my exclusion due to having a very bad moral compass. It is important to surround yourself with people that have good energy and compliment your life; not complicate. I struggle with a chronic illness that saps my energy, so, I really have very little patience with non-sense anymore.

Jump to this post

@windwalker Same here. When I need encouragement I know where my friends and let those that have negative attitudes fall by the wayside. Depression is toxic enough and I endeavor not to be too toxic although there are times even little old me needs encouragement. Thank you.

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@parus

@mamacita There are those who help me realize how special I am…

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Yes, @parus, I know there are those who let you know how valued you are. You write beautifully about the human condition. You are gifted and wise. Your experiences have given you insight that we can all benefit from. Have a great rest of the day.
Mamacita Jane

REPLY
@parus

To all of us dealing with estrangement and all of the family issues-we are doing the best we can. I struggle with depression daily but still shove the past aside and endeavor to love those around me. Whether they love me in return is their choice. The hardest thing for me is setting boundaries then getting hurt again and become angry again for allowing the same damn thing happen again. I continually remind myself I can only control my own thoughts and actions. I lie to myself too. Emotions are always a challenge. There are days I cannot face the challenge and they are totally disgusting. I do know I have ceased groveling and apologizing so much. I cannot possibly have the control others try to place upon me-likewise I ought not to allow them to have control over me and how I see myself. And I am confusing myself at this point and getting dizzy. We are who/what we are. I am me and this is best I can be.

Jump to this post

@parus All I can say is three cheers for you . I love that you aren't letting people hurting you anymore you are a better person for this revelation. If people cant see you for you and accept it That is there problem not yours . Good for you I'm proud of you for realizing this

REPLY
@mamacita

Replying to @parus, you are you, and perfectly imperfect but greatly loved, exactly as you are! It amazes me how people do not value the importance of simply being yourself.

I cannot pattern myself after anyone else. I have family that I have chosen to let go, because they dumped me into the throwaway box many years ago.

All I can think is that most of them care only for themselves. The Times we shared are erased from their minda, just as I have been erased from their Christmas list.

There are homes I have never been in. Family members who show up now and again at funerals, speak to me as if we lived just around the corner. I don't buy that anymore. I have cried and been heartbroken too many times

The only crime I have commited is being on the Spectrum. I don't fit into their society. So I make friends with the dreamers and the doers, the poets and the writers. The musicians and the counselors, the pastors and the teachers. And every one in between.

I read, paint, listen to music, and practice self care. I read everything I can on Narcissists. I have a good life, even though arthritis rears its ugly head in retaliation to my Fibromyalgia being calmed

You are so right. We cannot change other people. Especially people who don't even know they need to be changed I welcome change.

Love and virtual hugs to you,

Mamacita Jane

Jump to this post

@mamacita I always heard from my father "blood is thicker than water" and "always stand by your family". A noble thought, but after one-too-many deep hurts because I was different/on the spectrum/didn't fit the mold, I had to set aside those family members. Like you, we cannot change others. We can change ourselves, and relish the deep relationships we foster, those that are healthy for us.

We are better together, and support each other here on Connect.
Ginger

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