Long-term depression

Posted by seeker70 @seeker70, Oct 11, 2017

I have been depressed, when I think about it, since I was a kid (I”m a senior now!) I have been treated off and on with meds and minimal talk therapy, but nothing changes. In the past it has been underlying but as I grow older it is becoming more intense. People ask: ‘why are you depressed? I never get depressed, just get a better attitude’. Or they don’t hear my (probably passive-aggressive) cries for help. Or they say: ‘what do you have to be depressed about?’ Actually although I agree with these opinions to a certain extent, it does not address the problem that depression is not a ‘why’, not is it a ‘choice’. It’s almost like being gay, you just are. Maybe I should just accept it (guess that’s what I have done for decades 🙂 But I don’t want to. I want to feel better now. Earlier in my life I was able to enjoy things, although the depression would keep popping out. But now I seem to have trouble enjoying anything, including my own family, and it’s harder and harder to ‘push depression down’ once it’s popped. So I have longer periods of depression and sadness and sleeplessness and lonliness, an shorter periods of being able to enjoy my life. Or want something. Or look forward to anything. I will say too that I have as much to be happy about as I do to be unhappy – but as I said, it’s not a ‘why’. I’m looking for people to explore this idea, and to help each other begin to overcome. Or maybe it’s just me and there’s no one else who feels this way — 😉 Thank you for reading all this.

@padraig

I have suffered from depression since 1988. I am now 59 years old. My GP treated me for many years with varying degrees of success. Looking back now he should have sent me to a psychiatrist for treatment. I had to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital in 2011 for a major depressive episode. Initially I was being treated for anxiety. The team in the hospital decided to focus more on the depression aspect of my illness. My GP would have always said that the anxiety was the outward symptom of my depression. I did not need Xanax to treat the anxiety element of my depression. After two months the doctors decided to try ECT and change my melds to SNRIs. The results were amazing. I knew this treatment had worked for me. I know there is a lot of controversy with ECT. I was discharged shortly afterwards.
When I came home I made contact with a clinical psychologist. I attended the psychologist for the next year every fortnight . We used CBT and Mindfulness as our main tools to aid me in my recovery.
Never give up hope. I never thought that I would ever feel the way that I am currently feeling.

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@padraig

I was approved for ECT, and really wanted to do it, but the logistics were overwhelming. I would have had to go to Portland, a three hour drive, stay there during the week somewhere, have my drive us home for the weekend, and then back to Portland on Sunday. My wife doesn\'t like to drive particularly, so I would be asking a lot of her for a couple of months. Beside that, she didn\'t want me to have the treatment.

So, as I said, the whole thing became too overwhelming, and I just gave up on the plan. It was a waste of a lot of preparation, consulting and testing.

I\'m glad that it helped you. Do you have follow up treatments?

Jim

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@charlie75

Hi Sharlynn62,
I’ve read the sharing between you and others in our group. I’ve been depressed for so many times that it became a comfortable space for me to occupy as I knew where I was and what was happening. I learned to feel the pain and continued to function after several years of suffering. I would put on my actors face and go out into the world and fool those around me although I was crying inside. My Father would tell me that I was my worse enemy. I was so sick that I didn’t understand. Of all the lessons that I’ve learned is that once I accept my illness, I have been able to work on the illness by people who are willing to help me recover. These people are professionals and others who share the same sicknesses and hope is instilled. I’ve learned that acceptance and hope are two verbs that require action on my part. Action helps with optimism and optimism brings me out of my depression. I have no idea what your mental diagnosis is and the medications you take. Hopefully, your Doctor can help you with this portion of treatment. The best to you.
charlie75

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@choppy

I\'m not familiar with quetiepine. Is it to take the place of diazepam? I take Klonopin for anxiety, along with Wellbutrin and Remeron for depression, and a few other things for pain and other issues.

I hope the new medication will be effective for you.

Jim

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@kdo0827

You are certainly not the only one. So many of us here feel exactly the same way. I admire you for reaching out and joining us. My oldest daughter started with depression & anxiety her senior year. We sent her to several psychiatrists but never helped. Finally we found out she was suffering from Bi-Polar disease. It took awhile to find the right medication for her but eventually we did. Years later my husband was also diagnosed. I’m like you not wanting to do anything and find it very hard to find joy. I tried Wellbutrin but couldn’t take it. Just today I started Lexapro and Remeron. I’ll let know if it helps. I want you to know we are all here for you. You’re welcome to PM me as well.

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@kdo0827

Thank you, I'm feeling pretty well today. I don't enjoy the neuropathy pain, but I'm moving up on Gabapentin to see if the benefit will outweigh the side effects.

Jim

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@padraig

I have suffered from depression since 1988. I am now 59 years old. My GP treated me for many years with varying degrees of success. Looking back now he should have sent me to a psychiatrist for treatment. I had to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital in 2011 for a major depressive episode. Initially I was being treated for anxiety. The team in the hospital decided to focus more on the depression aspect of my illness. My GP would have always said that the anxiety was the outward symptom of my depression. I did not need Xanax to treat the anxiety element of my depression. After two months the doctors decided to try ECT and change my melds to SNRIs. The results were amazing. I knew this treatment had worked for me. I know there is a lot of controversy with ECT. I was discharged shortly afterwards.
When I came home I made contact with a clinical psychologist. I attended the psychologist for the next year every fortnight . We used CBT and Mindfulness as our main tools to aid me in my recovery.
Never give up hope. I never thought that I would ever feel the way that I am currently feeling.

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Hi Teresa,
Thank you for your kind note.
Padraig

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@padraig

I have suffered from depression since 1988. I am now 59 years old. My GP treated me for many years with varying degrees of success. Looking back now he should have sent me to a psychiatrist for treatment. I had to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital in 2011 for a major depressive episode. Initially I was being treated for anxiety. The team in the hospital decided to focus more on the depression aspect of my illness. My GP would have always said that the anxiety was the outward symptom of my depression. I did not need Xanax to treat the anxiety element of my depression. After two months the doctors decided to try ECT and change my melds to SNRIs. The results were amazing. I knew this treatment had worked for me. I know there is a lot of controversy with ECT. I was discharged shortly afterwards.
When I came home I made contact with a clinical psychologist. I attended the psychologist for the next year every fortnight . We used CBT and Mindfulness as our main tools to aid me in my recovery.
Never give up hope. I never thought that I would ever feel the way that I am currently feeling.

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Hi Jim,
Lovely to hear from you. I had six sessions of ECT over a two week period when I was an inpatient. I felt so much better immediately.I have not had any further sessions of ECT since. It was really amazing as I had been so unwell for the previous four months. I am currently on a small dose of a SNRI. My psychiatrist says that as the ECT worked so well for me it will always work if I become really unwell at some stage in the future. This is so reassuring to know.
I would recommend pursuing the possibility of having the ECT if you were approved for it. You will know yourself if it was of Amy benefit to you.

Regards,

Padraig

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@padraig

I have suffered from depression since 1988. I am now 59 years old. My GP treated me for many years with varying degrees of success. Looking back now he should have sent me to a psychiatrist for treatment. I had to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital in 2011 for a major depressive episode. Initially I was being treated for anxiety. The team in the hospital decided to focus more on the depression aspect of my illness. My GP would have always said that the anxiety was the outward symptom of my depression. I did not need Xanax to treat the anxiety element of my depression. After two months the doctors decided to try ECT and change my melds to SNRIs. The results were amazing. I knew this treatment had worked for me. I know there is a lot of controversy with ECT. I was discharged shortly afterwards.
When I came home I made contact with a clinical psychologist. I attended the psychologist for the next year every fortnight . We used CBT and Mindfulness as our main tools to aid me in my recovery.
Never give up hope. I never thought that I would ever feel the way that I am currently feeling.

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@padraig

If my condition warrants it in the future, I hope that I'll be able to make it happen. The hospital (OHSU) was preparing me for 3 treatments per week for 6 weeks.

Jim

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@padraig

I have suffered from depression since 1988. I am now 59 years old. My GP treated me for many years with varying degrees of success. Looking back now he should have sent me to a psychiatrist for treatment. I had to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital in 2011 for a major depressive episode. Initially I was being treated for anxiety. The team in the hospital decided to focus more on the depression aspect of my illness. My GP would have always said that the anxiety was the outward symptom of my depression. I did not need Xanax to treat the anxiety element of my depression. After two months the doctors decided to try ECT and change my melds to SNRIs. The results were amazing. I knew this treatment had worked for me. I know there is a lot of controversy with ECT. I was discharged shortly afterwards.
When I came home I made contact with a clinical psychologist. I attended the psychologist for the next year every fortnight . We used CBT and Mindfulness as our main tools to aid me in my recovery.
Never give up hope. I never thought that I would ever feel the way that I am currently feeling.

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@jimhd I had a series of ECT's in 2008. It helped for a while and this was only because I could not remember much of any thing. If that was the goal then ECT was successful. Once all of the memories started flooding back in things were very uncomfortable. I do know they left me with a headache from Hades. They work for some. Since you have neuropathy I would think that might be a problem to have that much juice go into your body. I am not a doctor so what do I know?

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@parus

@lisalucier I would be honored to do so. Where is the best place to do this? I know if it were not for doing art work I would surely stay at the bottom of the vortex. My profile picture is one of my most recent. The weather was bitterly cold and being one who loves nature and the creatures dwelling herein I derive a sense of rest with putting how I feel into pictures. I will post this one in its proper format. It started out as a newborn foal alone on a cold day. I finished it w/o snow as it was only cold. When I finished the painting I looked outside to see horizontal snow. I then added the blowing snow to the painting I thought I had finished. Attached is the before the snow version and then when the snow came. Thus the 1st now only exists as a copy. I like this concept. If it helps another then I have succeeded in some way. Here goes…

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When I witness your image it makes me feel happy. The innocence of the goal is precious and it reminds me that they’re is still beauty in the world.

I have had depression and anxiety since I was around 15. I have gone through lots of medications and therapists. It was up and down until I began using my art as an outlet. When I was in my mid forties I began studying Expressive Arts. It has changed my life. Expressing myself through various art making modalities such as visual art, writing , meditation and more has brought me much insight and awareness. If anyone is interested look it up. It is not the same as Art Therapy. In Expressive Arts there is no judgement or critique.
When one creates they go into the “flow state “ much like in meditation. It is good for you. I now also have been diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment which I have had since I was 61, so immersing myself in creativity is a wonderful tool.

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@parus

@lisalucier I would be honored to do so. Where is the best place to do this? I know if it were not for doing art work I would surely stay at the bottom of the vortex. My profile picture is one of my most recent. The weather was bitterly cold and being one who loves nature and the creatures dwelling herein I derive a sense of rest with putting how I feel into pictures. I will post this one in its proper format. It started out as a newborn foal alone on a cold day. I finished it w/o snow as it was only cold. When I finished the painting I looked outside to see horizontal snow. I then added the blowing snow to the painting I thought I had finished. Attached is the before the snow version and then when the snow came. Thus the 1st now only exists as a copy. I like this concept. If it helps another then I have succeeded in some way. Here goes…

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Sorry I meant foal and not goal in my sentence.

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Hi everyone
I have a new question that I need help with. I've been on Methadone for 3-4 years now. After starting it I developed depression and anxiety. I feel like a zombie and I'm so opposite to who I was. I've stayed on it because it helps with my chronic pain. BUT I've decided I no longer want to take it. My questions are has anyone done this? What was it like with withdrawals? Any information would really help. I plan on telling my dr soon. Thanks!

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@parus

@lisalucier I would be honored to do so. Where is the best place to do this? I know if it were not for doing art work I would surely stay at the bottom of the vortex. My profile picture is one of my most recent. The weather was bitterly cold and being one who loves nature and the creatures dwelling herein I derive a sense of rest with putting how I feel into pictures. I will post this one in its proper format. It started out as a newborn foal alone on a cold day. I finished it w/o snow as it was only cold. When I finished the painting I looked outside to see horizontal snow. I then added the blowing snow to the painting I thought I had finished. Attached is the before the snow version and then when the snow came. Thus the 1st now only exists as a copy. I like this concept. If it helps another then I have succeeded in some way. Here goes…

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Thanks for posts vdandy. You will find lots of peers here who have, do, and will suffer from depression. Statistics say 7% have or will, but I would guess that it is under reported by at least half. I fully intend to look into the "expressive arts" as I think it would be beneficial to me. I am not very artistic with visual media, so critiquing my "art" would be akin to giving a spelling test to a two year old. Thanks again for joining us and I hope you find something here that keeps you coming back. Gary

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@parus

I was once told that depression is anger turned inward…these words came from a long ago therapist that I fired and the nightmare that followed was a frightening experience. I did the right thing. Any input on the depression/anger theory?

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I can see that a bit in my depression, but I think the more correct link for me would be guilt which can become anger directed at oneself. I, like Jim, think my brain is improperly wired and therefore, to say my depression is caused by "this" is overly simplistic. Reality and my thinking are so far separated when I am depressed, that it would be hard to say this is the cause.

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@kdo0827 As a result of chronic pancreatitis, I have lived with chronic pain for about a dozen years. I have taken both opiods and methadone and been up and down the dosage tables several times. The withdrawal from either is not what you would call a walk in the park. You will think at times that you may not survive the experience, but as long as you follow a reasonable process of weaning yourself off the medication, you will survive. Spend some time reading about the things you can expect from your body over some period of time and I think that can vary for anyone as can the severity of any symptoms of withdrawal. You will see some things that may help minimize the symptoms and some work for some and other things for other people. If you are committed to being off pain medication, you will make it, but realize that after 3-4 years your body craves it like oxygen and be kind to yourself in terms of time.

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@gman007

@kdo0827 As a result of chronic pancreatitis, I have lived with chronic pain for about a dozen years. I have taken both opiods and methadone and been up and down the dosage tables several times. The withdrawal from either is not what you would call a walk in the park. You will think at times that you may not survive the experience, but as long as you follow a reasonable process of weaning yourself off the medication, you will survive. Spend some time reading about the things you can expect from your body over some period of time and I think that can vary for anyone as can the severity of any symptoms of withdrawal. You will see some things that may help minimize the symptoms and some work for some and other things for other people. If you are committed to being off pain medication, you will make it, but realize that after 3-4 years your body craves it like oxygen and be kind to yourself in terms of time.

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Thanks for your response. I too have pancreatitis-not fun at all. Did you go off the Methadone? If so what were your symptoms? I'm scared to do it but I truly feel it's what God is telling me to do.

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https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/methadone-oral-route/before-using/drg-20075806 This may help, but I think the most important advice is to discuss stopping with your doctor and the best method of doing so. I went straight from methadone to an opiate and just transitioned, so I don't think I can tell you exactly what the w/d symptoms may be, but also look under opiates : https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/hydromorphone-oral-route/description/drg-20074171 to maybe get a better idea of what to expect, but I don't think the w/d from methadone is as severe as long-term opioid use, but I am sure it is very individualized.

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