Long-term depression

Posted by seeker70 @seeker70, Oct 11, 2017

I have been depressed, when I think about it, since I was a kid (I”m a senior now!) I have been treated off and on with meds and minimal talk therapy, but nothing changes. In the past it has been underlying but as I grow older it is becoming more intense. People ask: ‘why are you depressed? I never get depressed, just get a better attitude’. Or they don’t hear my (probably passive-aggressive) cries for help. Or they say: ‘what do you have to be depressed about?’ Actually although I agree with these opinions to a certain extent, it does not address the problem that depression is not a ‘why’, not is it a ‘choice’. It’s almost like being gay, you just are. Maybe I should just accept it (guess that’s what I have done for decades 🙂 But I don’t want to. I want to feel better now. Earlier in my life I was able to enjoy things, although the depression would keep popping out. But now I seem to have trouble enjoying anything, including my own family, and it’s harder and harder to ‘push depression down’ once it’s popped. So I have longer periods of depression and sadness and sleeplessness and lonliness, an shorter periods of being able to enjoy my life. Or want something. Or look forward to anything. I will say too that I have as much to be happy about as I do to be unhappy – but as I said, it’s not a ‘why’. I’m looking for people to explore this idea, and to help each other begin to overcome. Or maybe it’s just me and there’s no one else who feels this way — 😉 Thank you for reading all this.

@parus

@lisalucier I would be honored to do so. Where is the best place to do this? I know if it were not for doing art work I would surely stay at the bottom of the vortex. My profile picture is one of my most recent. The weather was bitterly cold and being one who loves nature and the creatures dwelling herein I derive a sense of rest with putting how I feel into pictures. I will post this one in its proper format. It started out as a newborn foal alone on a cold day. I finished it w/o snow as it was only cold. When I finished the painting I looked outside to see horizontal snow. I then added the blowing snow to the painting I thought I had finished. Attached is the before the snow version and then when the snow came. Thus the 1st now only exists as a copy. I like this concept. If it helps another then I have succeeded in some way. Here goes…

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There are few that will admit to depression as this is an admitting weakness. Many with depression are not aware they have thus. Anyone believing there is a magic pill may need to rethink things.

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Are you my twin? Your post just hit me between the eyes. Clinical studies label, that's the problem. We should look at mood dissorders as cultural race differences. Then no one could discriminate against us, that's the problem. Something has to be wrong with us……right? How many races (cultures) have been labeled and persecuted for.their.indeferences. All at some point.

Keep sharing and wake up each day knowing God does not use labels, he makes promises to bring us home at the end of the run.

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@doguard57

Are you my twin? Your post just hit me between the eyes. Clinical studies label, that's the problem. We should look at mood dissorders as cultural race differences. Then no one could discriminate against us, that's the problem. Something has to be wrong with us……right? How many races (cultures) have been labeled and persecuted for.their.indeferences. All at some point.

Keep sharing and wake up each day knowing God does not use labels, he makes promises to bring us home at the end of the run.

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THANKS FOR YOUR COMMENT ! I GUESS THERE REALLY PEOPLE OUT THERE READING POST ! THAT ALPNG IS A COMFORT !

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@parus

When it comes to depression I have found nothing that works consistently.

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WE SHOULD KEEP TRYING !

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@gman007

@kdo0827 As a result of chronic pancreatitis, I have lived with chronic pain for about a dozen years. I have taken both opiods and methadone and been up and down the dosage tables several times. The withdrawal from either is not what you would call a walk in the park. You will think at times that you may not survive the experience, but as long as you follow a reasonable process of weaning yourself off the medication, you will survive. Spend some time reading about the things you can expect from your body over some period of time and I think that can vary for anyone as can the severity of any symptoms of withdrawal. You will see some things that may help minimize the symptoms and some work for some and other things for other people. If you are committed to being off pain medication, you will make it, but realize that after 3-4 years your body craves it like oxygen and be kind to yourself in terms of time.

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thnks and god speed !

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I found myself in a dark place I'd never been 12 years ago, a deep hole of depression and suicide. It was a tortuous climb out, that took several years. I lived on the edge of the hole for some time after, and sometimes I find myself back close to the edge again. Such was the case a year ago. I think I had started into the hole, and really didn't want to live. There hadn't been a therapist available to me for 18 months, though if the director of the behavioral health department at the main hospital had seen me, I might have been able to get an appointment with him, even though it's an hour drive. I had to see him for a required evaluation for a spinal cord stimulator implant, and I kind of came apart in his office. I'd had to wait for 3 months to get that appointment. What he saw concerned him but he was booked three weeks out. That's a long time for someone in my condition to wait. But I made it for six weeks until a therapist finally came to my town. I know he saved my life.

I'm not sure where I was going with this. I've been feeling times of sadness lately, which is something fairly new, and I haven't figured out how to deal with them. The therapist told me today that depression tends to suppress emotions, so when we feel one, or I should say, when I feel one, I don't know what to do with it. It's been a long time since I have felt anything.

Jim

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@jimhd, I have had the same issues with being numb and my psych is slowly getting me off klonopin as she says that could well be the reason. It is no fun coming off of it either. Probably because I have done it several times, I find stopping the klonopin more difficult emotionally than the synthetic morphine I have used for 10+ years for pain. My psych (I just started with a new one) also thinks I may need to lower my zoloft dosage if I really do want to feel again, but like you, that is a semi scary proposition. I have been numb for so long that I don't know how I will handle the emotions I do feel, but I am willing to risk some short-term discomfort to be able to feel real joy with my children and grandchildren, and of course, my wife. Gary

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@jimhd

I found myself in a dark place I'd never been 12 years ago, a deep hole of depression and suicide. It was a tortuous climb out, that took several years. I lived on the edge of the hole for some time after, and sometimes I find myself back close to the edge again. Such was the case a year ago. I think I had started into the hole, and really didn't want to live. There hadn't been a therapist available to me for 18 months, though if the director of the behavioral health department at the main hospital had seen me, I might have been able to get an appointment with him, even though it's an hour drive. I had to see him for a required evaluation for a spinal cord stimulator implant, and I kind of came apart in his office. I'd had to wait for 3 months to get that appointment. What he saw concerned him but he was booked three weeks out. That's a long time for someone in my condition to wait. But I made it for six weeks until a therapist finally came to my town. I know he saved my life.

I'm not sure where I was going with this. I've been feeling times of sadness lately, which is something fairly new, and I haven't figured out how to deal with them. The therapist told me today that depression tends to suppress emotions, so when we feel one, or I should say, when I feel one, I don't know what to do with it. It's been a long time since I have felt anything.

Jim

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@jimhd Those dark places are beyond describing. I end up filled with guilt because I do not trust enough. I no longer attend church as it triggers PTSD. My sanctuary is my home and what nature I can find. I know that numb feeling. Maybe it is the way of our minds escaping. It is auto pilot that frightens me. We continue keeping on.

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@jimhd

I found myself in a dark place I'd never been 12 years ago, a deep hole of depression and suicide. It was a tortuous climb out, that took several years. I lived on the edge of the hole for some time after, and sometimes I find myself back close to the edge again. Such was the case a year ago. I think I had started into the hole, and really didn't want to live. There hadn't been a therapist available to me for 18 months, though if the director of the behavioral health department at the main hospital had seen me, I might have been able to get an appointment with him, even though it's an hour drive. I had to see him for a required evaluation for a spinal cord stimulator implant, and I kind of came apart in his office. I'd had to wait for 3 months to get that appointment. What he saw concerned him but he was booked three weeks out. That's a long time for someone in my condition to wait. But I made it for six weeks until a therapist finally came to my town. I know he saved my life.

I'm not sure where I was going with this. I've been feeling times of sadness lately, which is something fairly new, and I haven't figured out how to deal with them. The therapist told me today that depression tends to suppress emotions, so when we feel one, or I should say, when I feel one, I don't know what to do with it. It's been a long time since I have felt anything.

Jim

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Hi Jim It's been years since I felt anything. I don't know if it's the Cymbalta or the Risperdal but it's since I have been taking them for 7-8 years. What really bothers me the most is that I can't cry anymore either. Therefore I can't even feel my sadness. What has been happening is fighting off bad moods. I get them when I wake up and before I get out of bed.
Your in my prayers and do hope that all of us who respond to your post gets well.

Lorraine

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@jimhd

I found myself in a dark place I'd never been 12 years ago, a deep hole of depression and suicide. It was a tortuous climb out, that took several years. I lived on the edge of the hole for some time after, and sometimes I find myself back close to the edge again. Such was the case a year ago. I think I had started into the hole, and really didn't want to live. There hadn't been a therapist available to me for 18 months, though if the director of the behavioral health department at the main hospital had seen me, I might have been able to get an appointment with him, even though it's an hour drive. I had to see him for a required evaluation for a spinal cord stimulator implant, and I kind of came apart in his office. I'd had to wait for 3 months to get that appointment. What he saw concerned him but he was booked three weeks out. That's a long time for someone in my condition to wait. But I made it for six weeks until a therapist finally came to my town. I know he saved my life.

I'm not sure where I was going with this. I've been feeling times of sadness lately, which is something fairly new, and I haven't figured out how to deal with them. The therapist told me today that depression tends to suppress emotions, so when we feel one, or I should say, when I feel one, I don't know what to do with it. It's been a long time since I have felt anything.

Jim

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I so appreciate your input and your raw honesty. It's sad that we even have this group but what we go through is real, very real. My new meds seem to be helping some. The Remeron makes me hungry which is tough when you're dieting. I've gained back 5 pounds and I'm not happy. Hopefully the meds will continue to work. I've also gone back to therapy. Deep past issues I've buried need to be dealt with. Hope I can go there. Be blessed today!

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@jimhd

I found myself in a dark place I'd never been 12 years ago, a deep hole of depression and suicide. It was a tortuous climb out, that took several years. I lived on the edge of the hole for some time after, and sometimes I find myself back close to the edge again. Such was the case a year ago. I think I had started into the hole, and really didn't want to live. There hadn't been a therapist available to me for 18 months, though if the director of the behavioral health department at the main hospital had seen me, I might have been able to get an appointment with him, even though it's an hour drive. I had to see him for a required evaluation for a spinal cord stimulator implant, and I kind of came apart in his office. I'd had to wait for 3 months to get that appointment. What he saw concerned him but he was booked three weeks out. That's a long time for someone in my condition to wait. But I made it for six weeks until a therapist finally came to my town. I know he saved my life.

I'm not sure where I was going with this. I've been feeling times of sadness lately, which is something fairly new, and I haven't figured out how to deal with them. The therapist told me today that depression tends to suppress emotions, so when we feel one, or I should say, when I feel one, I don't know what to do with it. It's been a long time since I have felt anything.

Jim

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SO NICE TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE OTHERS OUT THERE WITH SIMILAR ISSUES. THANKS FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING REPLY. MOST DAYS I FEEL LIKE I AM ON THE VERGE OF AN ANXIETY ATTACK. FOR THE PAST 2 DAYS WHEN I TOOK 1 MG OF PRESCRIBED XANAX THE SYMPTIOMS ALMOST DISAPPEAR .

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@jimhd

I found myself in a dark place I'd never been 12 years ago, a deep hole of depression and suicide. It was a tortuous climb out, that took several years. I lived on the edge of the hole for some time after, and sometimes I find myself back close to the edge again. Such was the case a year ago. I think I had started into the hole, and really didn't want to live. There hadn't been a therapist available to me for 18 months, though if the director of the behavioral health department at the main hospital had seen me, I might have been able to get an appointment with him, even though it's an hour drive. I had to see him for a required evaluation for a spinal cord stimulator implant, and I kind of came apart in his office. I'd had to wait for 3 months to get that appointment. What he saw concerned him but he was booked three weeks out. That's a long time for someone in my condition to wait. But I made it for six weeks until a therapist finally came to my town. I know he saved my life.

I'm not sure where I was going with this. I've been feeling times of sadness lately, which is something fairly new, and I haven't figured out how to deal with them. The therapist told me today that depression tends to suppress emotions, so when we feel one, or I should say, when I feel one, I don't know what to do with it. It's been a long time since I have felt anything.

Jim

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Hi, @donny67. I'm sorry your anxiety has been so hard.

Additionally, just wanted to mention that we discourage the use of ALL CAPS for writing messages, since it is considered shouting in online communication. I'd just recommend turning the all caps off. See the community guidelines here: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/community-guidelines/

Talk soon.

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@jimhd

I found myself in a dark place I'd never been 12 years ago, a deep hole of depression and suicide. It was a tortuous climb out, that took several years. I lived on the edge of the hole for some time after, and sometimes I find myself back close to the edge again. Such was the case a year ago. I think I had started into the hole, and really didn't want to live. There hadn't been a therapist available to me for 18 months, though if the director of the behavioral health department at the main hospital had seen me, I might have been able to get an appointment with him, even though it's an hour drive. I had to see him for a required evaluation for a spinal cord stimulator implant, and I kind of came apart in his office. I'd had to wait for 3 months to get that appointment. What he saw concerned him but he was booked three weeks out. That's a long time for someone in my condition to wait. But I made it for six weeks until a therapist finally came to my town. I know he saved my life.

I'm not sure where I was going with this. I've been feeling times of sadness lately, which is something fairly new, and I haven't figured out how to deal with them. The therapist told me today that depression tends to suppress emotions, so when we feel one, or I should say, when I feel one, I don't know what to do with it. It's been a long time since I have felt anything.

Jim

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Hi, @desirea — what you said about not feeling anything and not being able to cry made me think of another discussion in the Mental Health group here that you may want to check out: http://mayocl.in/2HCENXT

Do you still experience highs/joys with the medications you are taking?

Liked by Parus

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Hi @lisalucier No I don't feel much joy. In fact my depression seems to be getting worse. I think I need to take more Cymbalta or take something else with it. Also having a lot of negative thoughts.Physch prescribed Gabapentin which is known to be a happy pill because at that time I would wake up in the middle of the night feeling very suicidal.. since taking them I don't wake up like that anymore. Thank You for the discussion you sent. I will look into it.

Lorraine

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@desirea Glad to know the gabapentin helps you with this.

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