Long-term depression

Posted by seeker70 @seeker70, Oct 11, 2017

I have been depressed, when I think about it, since I was a kid (I”m a senior now!) I have been treated off and on with meds and minimal talk therapy, but nothing changes. In the past it has been underlying but as I grow older it is becoming more intense. People ask: ‘why are you depressed? I never get depressed, just get a better attitude’. Or they don’t hear my (probably passive-aggressive) cries for help. Or they say: ‘what do you have to be depressed about?’ Actually although I agree with these opinions to a certain extent, it does not address the problem that depression is not a ‘why’, not is it a ‘choice’. It’s almost like being gay, you just are. Maybe I should just accept it (guess that’s what I have done for decades 🙂 But I don’t want to. I want to feel better now. Earlier in my life I was able to enjoy things, although the depression would keep popping out. But now I seem to have trouble enjoying anything, including my own family, and it’s harder and harder to ‘push depression down’ once it’s popped. So I have longer periods of depression and sadness and sleeplessness and lonliness, an shorter periods of being able to enjoy my life. Or want something. Or look forward to anything. I will say too that I have as much to be happy about as I do to be unhappy – but as I said, it’s not a ‘why’. I’m looking for people to explore this idea, and to help each other begin to overcome. Or maybe it’s just me and there’s no one else who feels this way — 😉 Thank you for reading all this.

Well, y’all I have hit bottom. I need to have a purpose. I once was a high achiever and goal setter. That person is gone. Will keep trying to find that person. I need to see the PCP and after a horrific visit there I am terrified to return. That has nothing to do with depression. Again, the whole body is connected. Going no where. I want to work and it is no longer an option. Suck it up. At least I keep my habitat clean. No dirty dishes in the sink, not a lot of dirty clothes scattered about, trash piling up or other things that are associated with depression. Is what it is…continue blindly on.

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At times long term depression can seem like a death sentence and t’would be easier to stop trying. Somehow I am not wired as such. Keep on trudging

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Like so many others who have posted here, I too have struggled with depression for many years. I have found finding a good doctor, therapist and support group has helped me. Eating healthy and keeping active have helped me. I’ve had dogs all of my life and pet therapy – walking my dog has helped also. I don’t know if you have a faith or religion, but that can add to being able to help. If all else fails remember this too shall pass and keep on doing til you find out what helps you. Maybe you also will be able to help someone else in their struggles.

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Hello @daisy54 and welcome to Mayo Connect.

I appreciate your encouraging words. I look forward to hearing from you again. It sounds as if you have learned a lot about coping with depression. I hope you share more in the future.

If I may ask, how long have you been in recovery for your depression?

Teresa

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Days flow like sorghum.

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I feel the same, I’m really struggling with depression and anxiety is skyrocketing the past year. I can’t get a handle on the anxiety, it just came upon me suddenly the last year and half. I get anxious with any docter appointment, and it is severe. I have fibromyalgia and SAD, plus depression may also be genetic. I’m become sensitive to many meds. I have one of the best psychiatrist for many years, and just learned he is retiring in June.

I have been isolated more than usual with losing a daughter the past seven tears, and as the grief lessened I then came upon the issues of aging. Also with fibromyalgia you become accustomed not to do like others,

This is my first post, so will close with I hope sharing helps.

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@charlie75

Hi Sharlynn62,
I’ve read the sharing between you and others in our group. I’ve been depressed for so many times that it became a comfortable space for me to occupy as I knew where I was and what was happening. I learned to feel the pain and continued to function after several years of suffering. I would put on my actors face and go out into the world and fool those around me although I was crying inside. My Father would tell me that I was my worse enemy. I was so sick that I didn’t understand. Of all the lessons that I’ve learned is that once I accept my illness, I have been able to work on the illness by people who are willing to help me recover. These people are professionals and others who share the same sicknesses and hope is instilled. I’ve learned that acceptance and hope are two verbs that require action on my part. Action helps with optimism and optimism brings me out of my depression. I have no idea what your mental diagnosis is and the medications you take. Hopefully, your Doctor can help you with this portion of treatment. The best to you.
charlie75

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Yes, I am experiencing depression, worse with cold weather and lack of sun. I use light therapy, but the weather has limited getting out.

Liked by Parus

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@french Anxiety is so uncomfortable. Depression is bad enough on it’s own. Sorry for the loss of a daughter-likely you have shed 7 years plus of tears. Fibro can be isolating and I have learned that isolation is better than doubt and discrimination because of what is now labeled an “invisible” illness. I see this term often and find it irritating. Other illnesses are invisible too.
Aging can be a scary thing. Our bodies change-why it is called a 2nd childhood. When young learning new things were exciting and fun (at times). Now we are learning to do things that once were easy.
I too get anxious about nearly everything. My life is full of”what if’s?” Sound familiar?
Keep posting as you can.

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@charlie75

Hi Sharlynn62,
I’ve read the sharing between you and others in our group. I’ve been depressed for so many times that it became a comfortable space for me to occupy as I knew where I was and what was happening. I learned to feel the pain and continued to function after several years of suffering. I would put on my actors face and go out into the world and fool those around me although I was crying inside. My Father would tell me that I was my worse enemy. I was so sick that I didn’t understand. Of all the lessons that I’ve learned is that once I accept my illness, I have been able to work on the illness by people who are willing to help me recover. These people are professionals and others who share the same sicknesses and hope is instilled. I’ve learned that acceptance and hope are two verbs that require action on my part. Action helps with optimism and optimism brings me out of my depression. I have no idea what your mental diagnosis is and the medications you take. Hopefully, your Doctor can help you with this portion of treatment. The best to you.
charlie75

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Same here. The cold and my old bones no longer are companions. Even light therapy does not help.

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I too have been depressed, with anxiety, PTSD. Trauma for over 2 years since I had a series of life devastating events and Burnout in 2015. The depression was starting to lighten a bit until I was retriggered a few months ago …. now the depression is almost worse resulting in hopelessness and despair. I understand this is part of the journey and disease. I also understand why I’m depressed but just having a hard time since nothing appears to be working much since I was retriggered. I’ve tried a few different medications but have a strong aversion to medication (due to childhood trauma) but know that at this point meds might be very helpful if the right one is found. I’m also an emergency first responder and healer myself and now experiencing the “perfect storm” at age 60. My life’s complex trauma and grief along with current stressors have caught up to me to be addressed. Curious how others deal with the hopelessness and despair? I really struggle in the mornings since I have not be able to work much at all for 2 years now because I feel so ashamed of my situation and work really triggers me …. those feelings of failure and worthlessness. Also, my family is doing the best they can to support me but they are also becoming distant because they no longer know how to help or support me …. that is devastating because it reinforces the abandonment and feelings of failure … thank you for the opportunity to talk …. bless you all …

Liked by Parus

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@french

I feel the same, I’m really struggling with depression and anxiety is skyrocketing the past year. I can’t get a handle on the anxiety, it just came upon me suddenly the last year and half. I get anxious with any docter appointment, and it is severe. I have fibromyalgia and SAD, plus depression may also be genetic. I’m become sensitive to many meds. I have one of the best psychiatrist for many years, and just learned he is retiring in June.

I have been isolated more than usual with losing a daughter the past seven tears, and as the grief lessened I then came upon the issues of aging. Also with fibromyalgia you become accustomed not to do like others,

This is my first post, so will close with I hope sharing helps.

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Hi, @french — I wanted to point out a couple other threads on Mayo Clinic Connect that you might be interested in:

http://mayocl.in/2C15h1t (about drug help for fibromyalgia pain)
http://mayocl.in/2E89P7O (about fibromyalgia)
http://mayocl.in/2BgA8dI (about grief)

You truly have been through a lot of very hard times with your daughter and also with your son. Wondering if in addition to looking at medications you’ve also had any talk therapy since losing your daughter?

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@bequil

I too have been depressed, with anxiety, PTSD. Trauma for over 2 years since I had a series of life devastating events and Burnout in 2015. The depression was starting to lighten a bit until I was retriggered a few months ago …. now the depression is almost worse resulting in hopelessness and despair. I understand this is part of the journey and disease. I also understand why I’m depressed but just having a hard time since nothing appears to be working much since I was retriggered. I’ve tried a few different medications but have a strong aversion to medication (due to childhood trauma) but know that at this point meds might be very helpful if the right one is found. I’m also an emergency first responder and healer myself and now experiencing the “perfect storm” at age 60. My life’s complex trauma and grief along with current stressors have caught up to me to be addressed. Curious how others deal with the hopelessness and despair? I really struggle in the mornings since I have not be able to work much at all for 2 years now because I feel so ashamed of my situation and work really triggers me …. those feelings of failure and worthlessness. Also, my family is doing the best they can to support me but they are also becoming distant because they no longer know how to help or support me …. that is devastating because it reinforces the abandonment and feelings of failure … thank you for the opportunity to talk …. bless you all …

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@bequil

I feel as though I could have written your words. Except that depression hit me in 2005.I’ve been working through the guilt and shame and abandonment since then. I attempted suicide several times that year and spent 6 weeks in a recovery house. Hopelessness and despair are surely hallmarks of depression. I had to retire at 55, ending my life’s vocation as a minister, and moving away from the small town where my wife and I were EMTs, and active in the community. It was devastating both for me and my wife.

It takes time and good therapists to move forward, and let go of the shame, and the feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, shame, abandonment, despair and embarrassment. The embarrassment, by the way, is undeserved. You haven’t chosen to be where you are.

I look forward to hearing more from you as you seek help and begin the healing process. I understand how painful it is, as I’ve experienced the same feelings, and I pray that God will give you the strength and wisdom you’re going to need.

You’re welcome to pm me anytime.

Jim

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Once I had no other choice other than to retire at the age of 53 my life has continually deteriorated. Even when I draw or paint to try and distract myself from the pain every time I move my body my neck sounds like popcorn popping and it shoots pain throughout my spine. A disability that cannot be fixed and realistically will become worse the older I grow. There are those that have told me how lucky I am to no longer go to work. I can sit watch TV, surf the net, and the religious ones telling me how I need to read the Bible and pray for others-oh yes, become a pray warrior and I will be of use to the Kingdom.
I do not mention depression nor the physical pain to others. I do not want another’s pity or hear how I look healthy and why am I not working or volunteering.
What I hear is why can you not be useful. Saw the therapist yesterday and realized there is nothing she can do as I know my skills and what works for me. Distraction works the best. Helping another helps me until I find I am being used. I fade a way. My helping is enabling. As long as I will transport a neighbor whose car is in the shop he will not get it fixed. Amazing how quickly he had it back when I would no longer be his source of transportation.

Yes, I am depressed and know I am the only one who can do anything. Therapist and I agree that there is nothing she can do. Done and thankful she is well educated enough to know there is nothing more that can be done and I know this too.

There are times when there is nothing that can be done and the more I try the deeper in the vortex I am. I am not even looking forward to Spring. Doubtful I am alone in the black hole. I can be encouraging to another and also sincere when I am. Therapist and I also agreed that the last 2 appointments had been the same old same old. When a person is stuck they are stuck. Reality is not all fun and games, praying, etc. I am responsible for my thoughts and controlling thus and sure ain’t no one else can change thus except me. “Them thar are the facts y’all”. Would go for a soak in the tub, but would not be physically capable of getting back out and already stewing in my own filth enough.

Do I dare submit these words? I sure do not want to upset someone else. I at least can admit I am in the dark hole and venting can be cathartic. One more suck it up or this too shall pass…Fear not as I am truly passive and everyone is safe as I only have words. The tough old woman has succumbed to the fact things will not improve until I improve my attitude.

Thanks, I needed to air my frustration. Yes, I am far better off then many. Have I covered all of the bases?

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@parus

Once I had no other choice other than to retire at the age of 53 my life has continually deteriorated. Even when I draw or paint to try and distract myself from the pain every time I move my body my neck sounds like popcorn popping and it shoots pain throughout my spine. A disability that cannot be fixed and realistically will become worse the older I grow. There are those that have told me how lucky I am to no longer go to work. I can sit watch TV, surf the net, and the religious ones telling me how I need to read the Bible and pray for others-oh yes, become a pray warrior and I will be of use to the Kingdom.
I do not mention depression nor the physical pain to others. I do not want another’s pity or hear how I look healthy and why am I not working or volunteering.
What I hear is why can you not be useful. Saw the therapist yesterday and realized there is nothing she can do as I know my skills and what works for me. Distraction works the best. Helping another helps me until I find I am being used. I fade a way. My helping is enabling. As long as I will transport a neighbor whose car is in the shop he will not get it fixed. Amazing how quickly he had it back when I would no longer be his source of transportation.

Yes, I am depressed and know I am the only one who can do anything. Therapist and I agree that there is nothing she can do. Done and thankful she is well educated enough to know there is nothing more that can be done and I know this too.

There are times when there is nothing that can be done and the more I try the deeper in the vortex I am. I am not even looking forward to Spring. Doubtful I am alone in the black hole. I can be encouraging to another and also sincere when I am. Therapist and I also agreed that the last 2 appointments had been the same old same old. When a person is stuck they are stuck. Reality is not all fun and games, praying, etc. I am responsible for my thoughts and controlling thus and sure ain’t no one else can change thus except me. “Them thar are the facts y’all”. Would go for a soak in the tub, but would not be physically capable of getting back out and already stewing in my own filth enough.

Do I dare submit these words? I sure do not want to upset someone else. I at least can admit I am in the dark hole and venting can be cathartic. One more suck it up or this too shall pass…Fear not as I am truly passive and everyone is safe as I only have words. The tough old woman has succumbed to the fact things will not improve until I improve my attitude.

Thanks, I needed to air my frustration. Yes, I am far better off then many. Have I covered all of the bases?

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I totally get where you are coming from. I, too have retired at age 51. I’m on Disabilty for Neuropathy and chronic pain. It really gets to me when people make those comments. My depression and anxiety really started after I quit working. I was so used to being verbally abused every day for over 9 years. I now feel worthless and have no desire to do anything! I do volunteer but on the days I don’t it’s really bad. I feel like I’m going crazy. I need medication but Wellbutrin is definitely not for me.

Liked by Parus

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@parus

Once I had no other choice other than to retire at the age of 53 my life has continually deteriorated. Even when I draw or paint to try and distract myself from the pain every time I move my body my neck sounds like popcorn popping and it shoots pain throughout my spine. A disability that cannot be fixed and realistically will become worse the older I grow. There are those that have told me how lucky I am to no longer go to work. I can sit watch TV, surf the net, and the religious ones telling me how I need to read the Bible and pray for others-oh yes, become a pray warrior and I will be of use to the Kingdom.
I do not mention depression nor the physical pain to others. I do not want another’s pity or hear how I look healthy and why am I not working or volunteering.
What I hear is why can you not be useful. Saw the therapist yesterday and realized there is nothing she can do as I know my skills and what works for me. Distraction works the best. Helping another helps me until I find I am being used. I fade a way. My helping is enabling. As long as I will transport a neighbor whose car is in the shop he will not get it fixed. Amazing how quickly he had it back when I would no longer be his source of transportation.

Yes, I am depressed and know I am the only one who can do anything. Therapist and I agree that there is nothing she can do. Done and thankful she is well educated enough to know there is nothing more that can be done and I know this too.

There are times when there is nothing that can be done and the more I try the deeper in the vortex I am. I am not even looking forward to Spring. Doubtful I am alone in the black hole. I can be encouraging to another and also sincere when I am. Therapist and I also agreed that the last 2 appointments had been the same old same old. When a person is stuck they are stuck. Reality is not all fun and games, praying, etc. I am responsible for my thoughts and controlling thus and sure ain’t no one else can change thus except me. “Them thar are the facts y’all”. Would go for a soak in the tub, but would not be physically capable of getting back out and already stewing in my own filth enough.

Do I dare submit these words? I sure do not want to upset someone else. I at least can admit I am in the dark hole and venting can be cathartic. One more suck it up or this too shall pass…Fear not as I am truly passive and everyone is safe as I only have words. The tough old woman has succumbed to the fact things will not improve until I improve my attitude.

Thanks, I needed to air my frustration. Yes, I am far better off then many. Have I covered all of the bases?

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@kdo0827 I am sad to hear someone else feels as I do. Wellbutrin was not for me either. Discouragement is at the forefront and I do not feel like trying. Medication is not the answer for me. I believe there are no answers. Hopefully this is the depression talking to me. No longer feel I am going crazy. Things seem to be far worse with the combination of pain that will not get better. I became worse after no longer being able to work. Things have became so much worse and it is my own weakness. I know worthlessness. What good am I when I can no longer work? Acceptance only comes to those with lots of money. Too bad when love is not enough for some. I just keep digging myself in deeper.

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