~ Lonesome ~

Posted by Barb @amberpep, Oct 6, 2017

Hi everyone .... well, I've reached the end of my last nerve. About a year ago, I had to put my little dog down ..... she was a Cavalier, King Charles Spaniel, who was rescued from a puppy mill - she was 4 and had given birth to multiple liters. She never got out of the crate, and the day after I took her the mill was going to shoot her because she was no long producing what they wanted. She was a tri-color, and had the classical heart murmur. All Cavaliers have that, I guess from poor breeding practices ..... goes from level 1 to level 5. She was 11 when I had to put her to sleep. Well, you all know all the moving I've been doing ... MD to VA, then another place in VA (which is quite unsafe I'm finding out). I have not been happy since I left my condo in MD. I'd lived in the Frederick, MD area for 30 years, and that move was a big mistake (now I know!). Well, I have 2 cats, but I so much miss that little girl. It's been a year now, and I still can't look at her picture without tearing up. So, I've been in touch with a Cavalier rescue group that lives quite close to where I used to live in MD, and I'm just praying that I can find one that I can both afford and whose murmur isn't passed 2. I'm lonesome .... I have a neighbor who is a friend and she has a dog. My kids are great people, and do what they can and have time for to either come over, bring me some food, or go somewhere with me, but they all have lives and families and I cannot expect them to fill in the gap. I'm used to taking in a puppy mill rescue, as my Molly was afraid of grass when I got her, I had to teach her how to walk up steps, and for a long time anytime someone lifted an arm to scratch their head or anything like that, she'd duck and run. Obviously, she'd been abused along with everything else. I so hope I can get one ..... I need a loyal friend down here, and one of them would be perfect.
abby

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Mental Health Support Group.

@amberpep

It's very odd, but I did send the Mayo website to each of them, and I've heard not one word........no "now I understand" or I didn't realize that. I think the stigma of Bi-Polar, be it 1 or 2 still lingers with them. I only hope and pray that on the days I'm not feeling up to par, and they want me to do something, that they don't keep hounding me til I relent. That's been the pattern in the passed. I'm going to have to put a stop to it.
abby

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@contentandwell -I assumed that you intended to have the word not in that sentence. 🙂

Jim

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@amberpep

It's very odd, but I did send the Mayo website to each of them, and I've heard not one word........no "now I understand" or I didn't realize that. I think the stigma of Bi-Polar, be it 1 or 2 still lingers with them. I only hope and pray that on the days I'm not feeling up to par, and they want me to do something, that they don't keep hounding me til I relent. That's been the pattern in the passed. I'm going to have to put a stop to it.
abby

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@jimhd thanks Jim. Obviously you “know me”, but others, newer to the group may not have been able to deduce that.
JK

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@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say "no" without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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@hopeful33250 - Thank you, Teresa.

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@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say "no" without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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@liz223 - Absolutely! Is there a Celebrate Recovery group in your area? It could be a good resource. Their motto is recovery for "hurts, habits and hangups". A group meets at our church, but it's an hour of driving at night for an hour long meeting. So, I don't go. But it could be just what you need.

Jim

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@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say "no" without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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Hello Liz @liz223

I am so sorry to hear that you get such unusual reactions when you discuss your Bipolar disorder. It reflects a lack of knowledge about the topic of mental illness. I sometimes think that our society is becoming more enlightened and then I hear a story like yours and realize that it hasn't happened, yet.

I applaud you for wanting to start a support group in your church - a year ago I started a support group for folks with chronic illnesses, we call it Living & Thriving, and it has been well attended and helpful to so many. While most of the members of our group are discussing physical illnesses, such as chronic pain, cancer, heart problems, etc., we all admit to the stress/anxiety and oftentimes the depression that goes along with it. We also talk about our amazement with people who don't understand what we are experiencing and want to just not talk about it so much. We meet off site, not at a church, but at a coffee house near the church.

Have you ever been part of NAMI group? They have some good leaflets regarding the different types of mental illness, perhaps you could educate folks by providing them with some good information.Also, the NAMI group in our area will actually go to churches and talk about mental illness and give a presentation and have their leaders speak about their own experiences with finding help. If your church would be open to such a presentation,that might be a good way to introduce the subject to your congregation.

Teresa

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@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say "no" without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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Thank you for your reply. I will check into a NAMI group. Have a blessed day. 🙂

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@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say "no" without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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Liz @liz223

I wish you a blessed day as well!

Teresa

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@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say "no" without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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Like you, I am Bipolar 2, and have no one to talk about it with except for this group and my therapist & psychiatrist for meds. Trying to get it across to my 3 adult kids, I sent the website from Mayo to them to read, hoping they'd start some conversation. They haven't. They really should know because at least part of it is genetic, but I guess they don't want to know. Sort of ostrich like.
Take care my friend,
abby

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@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say "no" without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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You're right. A big part is genetic. My grandfather was not diagnosed, but he shot my grandmother and then himself (while they were still young). My mom had a breakdown before she was 62, my first cousin committed suicide, another cousin is Bipolar. They need to know.

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@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say "no" without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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There are times when trying to let adult children know about family history such as mental illness does more harm than helping...I know this the hard way. Best some things are not revealed lest spouses use the info as ammunition...I know this for a fact. Sad as it is the children who pay the price. Sure could use my little grandson's loving and accepting hug far more often. He loves because he has not yet learned to be critical and judgmental. Little ears do hear whether big people think so or not. Labeled because of the suicide of my father. All I have is a whole lot of love and in this materialistic world this is not always enough. A world where there are those who see through distorted eyes. A world where others are seen for what kind of car we drive, the clothes they wear, where another lives-the list goes on and on. Won't be long before the standards set by others seep into his young mind. He will be 3 in January. I so cherish the moments I have with him and how he runs to me happily calling out and always a hug for his grandma.

A happy thought and memory. Acceptance is the key to happiness and contentment.

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