~ Lonesome ~

Posted by Barb @amberpep, Oct 6, 2017

Hi everyone .... well, I've reached the end of my last nerve. About a year ago, I had to put my little dog down ..... she was a Cavalier, King Charles Spaniel, who was rescued from a puppy mill - she was 4 and had given birth to multiple liters. She never got out of the crate, and the day after I took her the mill was going to shoot her because she was no long producing what they wanted. She was a tri-color, and had the classical heart murmur. All Cavaliers have that, I guess from poor breeding practices ..... goes from level 1 to level 5. She was 11 when I had to put her to sleep. Well, you all know all the moving I've been doing ... MD to VA, then another place in VA (which is quite unsafe I'm finding out). I have not been happy since I left my condo in MD. I'd lived in the Frederick, MD area for 30 years, and that move was a big mistake (now I know!). Well, I have 2 cats, but I so much miss that little girl. It's been a year now, and I still can't look at her picture without tearing up. So, I've been in touch with a Cavalier rescue group that lives quite close to where I used to live in MD, and I'm just praying that I can find one that I can both afford and whose murmur isn't passed 2. I'm lonesome .... I have a neighbor who is a friend and she has a dog. My kids are great people, and do what they can and have time for to either come over, bring me some food, or go somewhere with me, but they all have lives and families and I cannot expect them to fill in the gap. I'm used to taking in a puppy mill rescue, as my Molly was afraid of grass when I got her, I had to teach her how to walk up steps, and for a long time anytime someone lifted an arm to scratch their head or anything like that, she'd duck and run. Obviously, she'd been abused along with everything else. I so hope I can get one ..... I need a loyal friend down here, and one of them would be perfect.
abby

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Mental Health Support Group.

@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say "no" without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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Hi, I am writing back to your message because what you say really touches me. I am french canadian and I am new at this kind of discussion, only reading for a few weeks. I understand most of the discussions, let's say about 95 percent. FRom now on, I begin to feel ready to share my own experience on majeur depression and generalized anxiety disorder.

It makes me feel better to know that there are people who are suffering as much as I do and that solutions and therapy do exist to relieve mental disorders.

Is it possible that someone would let me know what group of discussion could reach depression and gad ?

AGain, thank you for your message, it was a good one to make me decide to connect.

APpreciate the present time for the good moments.

Sylvie 🙂

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@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say "no" without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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Hello, @comtesse, and welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. So glad you joined us and that you are jumping into this kind of discussion. I believe that many have found the community here helpful as a way to connect and be supported by others who really "get it" about what they are experiencing with their conditions or illnesses.

You'd asked about discussions on depression as well as generalized anxiety disorder. Here are some you might be interested in reading and/or participating in on depression:
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/long-term-depression/?pg=12
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/depression-2/

And some on anxiety or anxiety and depression:
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/morning-anxiety/
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/anxiety-and-depression-1/
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/anxiety-panic-and-depression/

In one of the discussions above might be a good place for you to share some of your experiences, if you feel ready.

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@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say "no" without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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Hello and Thank you for your warm welcoming message. I will try your adresses for sure.

Have a good day !

Sylvie 🙂

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Where to go from here. Trust is like rust in old water pipes. Once the water flows it is gone.

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@parus

Where to go from here. Trust is like rust in old water pipes. Once the water flows it is gone.

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Hi, @parus -- you sure have some wonderfully poetic word pictures.

I sense that someone or something has caused you to lose trust. You've talked about a few situations like that from your past.

The image of water washing away trust shows how easily it can be washed away. Can it be rebuilt? Wondering if this is a new erosion of trust or grieving of a loss of trust from some time ago?

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@parus

Where to go from here. Trust is like rust in old water pipes. Once the water flows it is gone.

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A shame the negative feelings could not have been washed from the mind. I tell myself it is depression and after all of these years it will not leave. Endless mind and body pain are invisible shackles and I am thankful as I would not want another to see how pathetic I am. Stuff happens.

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@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say "no" without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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Hi Sylvie .... and welcome to the Mental Health Group. You will find a group of loving, caring, helpful folks who will know exactly what you're talking about. There's always someone here that has been through the same thing and can give you support and comfort. I can tell you from my experience, I love this group. Even though I don't know their faces or where they live, I feel like I really do "know" them. Bless you my friend, and welcome ..... we're delighted to have you walk this journey with us.
abby

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GOOD NEWS .....Well in a few days I will be getting a dog .... no, not the Cavalier I wanted, but I just can't afford them. This little fellow is a mix of a bassett hound and spaniel. The woman tells me he is a velcro-dog, which I LOVE. Everywhere I go, they go.
Wish me luck with my new little adoptee.
abby

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@amberpep

GOOD NEWS .....Well in a few days I will be getting a dog .... no, not the Cavalier I wanted, but I just can't afford them. This little fellow is a mix of a bassett hound and spaniel. The woman tells me he is a velcro-dog, which I LOVE. Everywhere I go, they go.
Wish me luck with my new little adoptee.
abby

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Good Luck!! @amberpep 🙂

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@parus

Where to go from here. Trust is like rust in old water pipes. Once the water flows it is gone.

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I'm wondering too the same thing Lisa just said. I myself know that I have had a very hard time rebuilding trust. After a horrible childhood (only child), and being married to a Narcissist for 40 years where I couldn't trust anything he told me, and then later being betrayed by what I thought was a close friend .... well, it's tough. But it can be done. Just a brief example. Because of a lot of my experiences with men, I believed they were all just sexually driven animals and stiffened when I walked by them ... I was like an ice cube walking by. Well, after many, many years of therapy with an extremely respectful, gentle, and kind Psychologist (a man), I've just begun to realize that they are not all alike. Originally when I was with him for my first and second session (13 years ago), I actually expressed that I'd prefer a woman. He was kind, but told me he felt staying there would be better for my emotional growth and healing, but it was my choice. Well, I did and I am doing so much better. I'm still very careful around men, but can be more "myself" rather than an "icecube" when around them.
You'll get there .... just takes some work and the recognition and determination to change.
Go for it!
abby

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