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amberpep
@amberpep

Posts: 631
Joined: Jul 02, 2012

~ Lonesome ~

Posted by @amberpep, Oct 6, 2017

Hi everyone …. well, I’ve reached the end of my last nerve. About a year ago, I had to put my little dog down ….. she was a Cavalier, King Charles Spaniel, who was rescued from a puppy mill – she was 4 and had given birth to multiple liters. She never got out of the crate, and the day after I took her the mill was going to shoot her because she was no long producing what they wanted. She was a tri-color, and had the classical heart murmur. All Cavaliers have that, I guess from poor breeding practices ….. goes from level 1 to level 5. She was 11 when I had to put her to sleep. Well, you all know all the moving I’ve been doing … MD to VA, then another place in VA (which is quite unsafe I’m finding out). I have not been happy since I left my condo in MD. I’d lived in the Frederick, MD area for 30 years, and that move was a big mistake (now I know!). Well, I have 2 cats, but I so much miss that little girl. It’s been a year now, and I still can’t look at her picture without tearing up. So, I’ve been in touch with a Cavalier rescue group that lives quite close to where I used to live in MD, and I’m just praying that I can find one that I can both afford and whose murmur isn’t passed 2. I’m lonesome …. I have a neighbor who is a friend and she has a dog. My kids are great people, and do what they can and have time for to either come over, bring me some food, or go somewhere with me, but they all have lives and families and I cannot expect them to fill in the gap. I’m used to taking in a puppy mill rescue, as my Molly was afraid of grass when I got her, I had to teach her how to walk up steps, and for a long time anytime someone lifted an arm to scratch their head or anything like that, she’d duck and run. Obviously, she’d been abused along with everything else. I so hope I can get one ….. I need a loyal friend down here, and one of them would be perfect.
abby

REPLY

Hello @parus

I’m sorry to hear that you are having such a lonely day. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
Wishing you better days ahead,

Teresa

Liked by Parus

@parus

so could use a dog-not an option as I am a large dog person and then there are days like today I would not be able to walk a dog. Lonely, lonely, lonely today.

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I agree that loneliness can be nearly as hard to bear as pain. My dog means a great deal to me, both as a friend, as well as my service dog. Many of us feel lonely even though we’re not alone. You’re not alone in your loneliness.

Jim

@hopeful33250

Hello @parus

I’m sorry to hear that you are having such a lonely day. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
Wishing you better days ahead,

Teresa

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I sure hope I have not written this here before … I don’t think so, but then …. who knows???? I saw my therapist and psychiatrist on Tuesday of this week and they both called, what I’ve been calling Cyclothymia, BiPolar 2. Somehow there is a big relief in having a diagnosis rather than the nebulous Cyclothymia. So, he’s very slowly moving down the Zoloft, added Lamictal, and since the Lamictal gives me what is called “essential tremors” also Propanalol. Looking back I can see times when I was impulsive, but figured, “oh well, that’s just me.” Thank God for good doctors. I sent the Mayo website to all 3 of my kids for them to read and perhaps then they will better understand the days when I just don’t have any “oomph” or just can’t drag myself out to go with them. I hope so anyhow.
abby

@hopeful33250

Hello @parus

I’m sorry to hear that you are having such a lonely day. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
Wishing you better days ahead,

Teresa

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@amberpep Hi Abby:

Yes, the right label can provide a comfort, can’t it?

Teresa

@hopeful33250

Hello @parus

I’m sorry to hear that you are having such a lonely day. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
Wishing you better days ahead,

Teresa

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Abby @amberpep – I do agree that having the right diagnosis is a huge relief, especially when it is consistent with the way we’ve been feeling. Sometimes, it serves to reduce the frustration of misdiagnoses, waiting and lack of compassion and understanding of family and friends. Enjoy the blessings of modern medicine. Let us know how your family responds to your good news.

Jim

@parus

so could use a dog-not an option as I am a large dog person and then there are days like today I would not be able to walk a dog. Lonely, lonely, lonely today.

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@parus although you are a “large dog person” maybe you could adjust to a smaller dog.
Dogs are such good companions, I wish I could have one too.
JK

@parus

so could use a dog-not an option as I am a large dog person and then there are days like today I would not be able to walk a dog. Lonely, lonely, lonely today.

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Appreciate the suggestion. The main concern is always being physically able to walk a dog. So many folks here have those small yappy dogs which has reached the point w/ all of the yapping I do not even want to consider one. One dog barks they all bark. Many think because a dog is small in size it is okay for the ankle biter to bark and and snap at others or that it is even cute when they do so. Not the dog’s fault either. I prefer the loneliness that is so prominent in a busy, noisy world. At least this time of the morning there are no yapping dogs—so peaceful.

@parus

so could use a dog-not an option as I am a large dog person and then there are days like today I would not be able to walk a dog. Lonely, lonely, lonely today.

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Abby @amberpep – I’m with you on the yapping. My wife has a Manchester Terrier, and the nature of the breed is to be a watchdog, which he certainly does. He doesn’t yap, but I do get tired of him barking every time he sees one of the horses move. He’s learning to stop when he’s told he’s done his job. My medium sized dog, a McNabb, isn’t a barker, unless Pete gets her going.

I’ve always been a dog person, but grew to like cats since my wife, Marilyn, likes them. They don’t bark, and mostly just require food, a cat door and lots of petting. Petting is therapeutic to both the petter and the pet.

Time to get to church. I’m feeling better this morning, and hope it lasts the whole day.

Jim

@parus

so could use a dog-not an option as I am a large dog person and then there are days like today I would not be able to walk a dog. Lonely, lonely, lonely today.

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Jim, @jimhd

Glad to hear that you are feeling better this morning!

Teresa

It’s very odd, but I did send the Mayo website to each of them, and I’ve heard not one word……..no “now I understand” or I didn’t realize that. I think the stigma of Bi-Polar, be it 1 or 2 still lingers with them. I only hope and pray that on the days I’m not feeling up to par, and they want me to do something, that they don’t keep hounding me til I relent. That’s been the pattern in the passed. I’m going to have to put a stop to it.
abby

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say “no” without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

@amberpep

It’s very odd, but I did send the Mayo website to each of them, and I’ve heard not one word……..no “now I understand” or I didn’t realize that. I think the stigma of Bi-Polar, be it 1 or 2 still lingers with them. I only hope and pray that on the days I’m not feeling up to par, and they want me to do something, that they don’t keep hounding me til I relent. That’s been the pattern in the passed. I’m going to have to put a stop to it.
abby

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@amberpep, Good for you to send the information to your family! I am sorry that they have not responded, though. I know how much that would mean to you. I hope that in time they will respond to you in a supportive way.

Here’s what I’ve experienced: When I was first diagnosed with a non-treatable liver disease, many family members either ignored, or denied it, because I “just looked to healthy”. I guess they thought I was lying! Later when it progressed, and external physical changes were obvious, those same people said, “Why didn’t you tell us”. I share this to let you know that you are not alone in dealing with this pattern of behavior.

I am sending a virtual hug.
Rosemary

@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say “no” without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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@parus it does take years and I don’t think it ever becomes easy, ar least it has not for me. I need to keep reminding myself but I still end up feeling selfish.
JK

@amberpep

It’s very odd, but I did send the Mayo website to each of them, and I’ve heard not one word……..no “now I understand” or I didn’t realize that. I think the stigma of Bi-Polar, be it 1 or 2 still lingers with them. I only hope and pray that on the days I’m not feeling up to par, and they want me to do something, that they don’t keep hounding me til I relent. That’s been the pattern in the passed. I’m going to have to put a stop to it.
abby

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@rosemarya and @amberpep I think rosemary is correct. When you look good it’s difficult for people to imagine that you have a potentially terminal condition. The good side of that is that you are seen as someone to be pitied, which was important to me.
JK

@contentandwell Takes of lot of practice and also losing family and friends. I am not the one being selfish.

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