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amberpep
@amberpep

Posts: 644
Joined: Jul 02, 2012

~ Lonesome ~

Posted by @amberpep, Oct 6, 2017

Hi everyone …. well, I’ve reached the end of my last nerve. About a year ago, I had to put my little dog down ….. she was a Cavalier, King Charles Spaniel, who was rescued from a puppy mill – she was 4 and had given birth to multiple liters. She never got out of the crate, and the day after I took her the mill was going to shoot her because she was no long producing what they wanted. She was a tri-color, and had the classical heart murmur. All Cavaliers have that, I guess from poor breeding practices ….. goes from level 1 to level 5. She was 11 when I had to put her to sleep. Well, you all know all the moving I’ve been doing … MD to VA, then another place in VA (which is quite unsafe I’m finding out). I have not been happy since I left my condo in MD. I’d lived in the Frederick, MD area for 30 years, and that move was a big mistake (now I know!). Well, I have 2 cats, but I so much miss that little girl. It’s been a year now, and I still can’t look at her picture without tearing up. So, I’ve been in touch with a Cavalier rescue group that lives quite close to where I used to live in MD, and I’m just praying that I can find one that I can both afford and whose murmur isn’t passed 2. I’m lonesome …. I have a neighbor who is a friend and she has a dog. My kids are great people, and do what they can and have time for to either come over, bring me some food, or go somewhere with me, but they all have lives and families and I cannot expect them to fill in the gap. I’m used to taking in a puppy mill rescue, as my Molly was afraid of grass when I got her, I had to teach her how to walk up steps, and for a long time anytime someone lifted an arm to scratch their head or anything like that, she’d duck and run. Obviously, she’d been abused along with everything else. I so hope I can get one ….. I need a loyal friend down here, and one of them would be perfect.
abby

REPLY

@amberpep

It’s very odd, but I did send the Mayo website to each of them, and I’ve heard not one word……..no “now I understand” or I didn’t realize that. I think the stigma of Bi-Polar, be it 1 or 2 still lingers with them. I only hope and pray that on the days I’m not feeling up to par, and they want me to do something, that they don’t keep hounding me til I relent. That’s been the pattern in the passed. I’m going to have to put a stop to it.
abby

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Hi rosemary ….. wow, what is it with these kids? Aren’t they supposed to be the knowledgeabe, enlightened generation. Oh yes, I forgot, they can still stick their heads in the sand.
I’m sorry about your liver situation ….. that’s a bummer for sure. Are you feeling fairly well? I hope so.
abby

@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say “no” without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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Yes, yes, yes, yes, JK ….. I end up feeling like the bad guy because I “should” do these things. I know exactly how you feel.
abby

@amberpep

It’s very odd, but I did send the Mayo website to each of them, and I’ve heard not one word……..no “now I understand” or I didn’t realize that. I think the stigma of Bi-Polar, be it 1 or 2 still lingers with them. I only hope and pray that on the days I’m not feeling up to par, and they want me to do something, that they don’t keep hounding me til I relent. That’s been the pattern in the passed. I’m going to have to put a stop to it.
abby

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Abby @amberpep – I haven’t figured out why people don’t get it when it comes to not only mental illness, but any illness they don’t understand. I’ve surely seen that, even in my own kids. Our daughter can accept and be sympathetic, but our son tends to be judgmental and blaming, which is hard to take. Sometimes I don’t mind that he lives in Indianapolis and I’m in Oregon. But, to be fair, he has softened over the years. He found out from me that his attitude was unacceptable and that the things he had to say about me should be said to me and not discussed with people who only knew his opinions and had never met me. I haven’t had any negative vibes from him since. He was younger and thought he was all grown up. By now, he’s been married to a nurse practitioner for quite a few years and has a 4 year old daughter. We have a pretty good relationship, and I don’t think he holds the same views he did back then. Things do improve in time. I think it can be hard for our kids to see us age and have problems. Sometimes I know that I need to be more understanding and patient with them.

Jim

@amberpep

It’s very odd, but I did send the Mayo website to each of them, and I’ve heard not one word……..no “now I understand” or I didn’t realize that. I think the stigma of Bi-Polar, be it 1 or 2 still lingers with them. I only hope and pray that on the days I’m not feeling up to par, and they want me to do something, that they don’t keep hounding me til I relent. That’s been the pattern in the passed. I’m going to have to put a stop to it.
abby

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@amberpep, I realize that there is a stigma that remains in our society and families with regards to mental health issues. And they refuse to acknowledge them. I shared my experience to hopefully let you know that physical illnesses, too, can be denied by friends and loved ones. I think we all share this similarity to some degree. I want you to know that I think I can understand some of your frustration.

Abby, That experience is long gone. I was blessed to receive an organ transplant in 2009 – liver kidney. I am now healthier and more active than most of my prior ‘doubters’. You are very kind to ask.
Rosemary

@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say “no” without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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@amberpep, Give yourself a pat on the back each time that you make a decision / choice to take care of yourself!
Rosemary

@amberpep

It’s very odd, but I did send the Mayo website to each of them, and I’ve heard not one word……..no “now I understand” or I didn’t realize that. I think the stigma of Bi-Polar, be it 1 or 2 still lingers with them. I only hope and pray that on the days I’m not feeling up to par, and they want me to do something, that they don’t keep hounding me til I relent. That’s been the pattern in the passed. I’m going to have to put a stop to it.
abby

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@rosemary. @amberpep oops, left a very important word out there. I meant to say, that you are NOT seen as someone to be pitied. That was very important to me so I worked hard at maintaining a healthy appearance.
JK

@amberpep

It’s very odd, but I did send the Mayo website to each of them, and I’ve heard not one word……..no “now I understand” or I didn’t realize that. I think the stigma of Bi-Polar, be it 1 or 2 still lingers with them. I only hope and pray that on the days I’m not feeling up to par, and they want me to do something, that they don’t keep hounding me til I relent. That’s been the pattern in the passed. I’m going to have to put a stop to it.
abby

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@jimhd that must have hurt when your son was not very understanding. I have been so fortunate that our son is sincerely concerned about us. He has been calling every day since my TKR to check up on me, and his lovely girlfriend, a nurse, has also called. He is in Denver for work this week so they are both checking up on me! I tease him that he figured we needed a nurse in the family, thus he got involved with her! She really is nice though and very family oriented.
JK

@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say “no” without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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@amberpep and others – most people don’t know about my problems, so they probably have a variety of ideas why I have a service dog, and why I don’t stand in church – unrelated issues. I’m sometimes uncomfortable when a person asks what service my dog provides, or why I have her. Usually, I say, “she’s a psychiatric service dog”, and people don’t often pursue the issue. I guess I’m more sensitive about it than necessary. The mental health stigma lives on. I don’t usually worry about what others are thinking about me, with the exception of family. I appreciate the ones who understand and don’t think I should be over it by now, or that I should have figured out how to be undepressed by now. That last one is a verbatim comment made by my wife awhile ago.

Jim

@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say “no” without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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Hi Jim, @jimhd

Yes, the stigma does continue – and that is most unfortunate. I know that you continue to break down the stigma by your efforts to educate others, but I also know that it is not an easy task – you are a hero in your efforts here at Mayo Connect and we are pleased to have you!

Teresa

@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say “no” without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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I try to tell people I am Bipolar and get many reactions. Some just change the subject, some say: “you don’t act like it”, some have asked that I let them know when I’m going to have a bad day, some have even told me I have to choose whether I’m going to have a good or bad day, they just don’t understand nor do they want to. I even suggested we have a support group in our church for emotional illness and was told we couldn’t be responsible for this kind of group. Why not? They have a group for recovered alcoholics, weight help, grieving, healing, etc. I believe God would honor us as well.

@amberpep

It’s very odd, but I did send the Mayo website to each of them, and I’ve heard not one word……..no “now I understand” or I didn’t realize that. I think the stigma of Bi-Polar, be it 1 or 2 still lingers with them. I only hope and pray that on the days I’m not feeling up to par, and they want me to do something, that they don’t keep hounding me til I relent. That’s been the pattern in the passed. I’m going to have to put a stop to it.
abby

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@contentandwell -I assumed that you intended to have the word not in that sentence. 🙂

Jim

@amberpep

It’s very odd, but I did send the Mayo website to each of them, and I’ve heard not one word……..no “now I understand” or I didn’t realize that. I think the stigma of Bi-Polar, be it 1 or 2 still lingers with them. I only hope and pray that on the days I’m not feeling up to par, and they want me to do something, that they don’t keep hounding me til I relent. That’s been the pattern in the passed. I’m going to have to put a stop to it.
abby

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@jimhd thanks Jim. Obviously you “know me”, but others, newer to the group may not have been able to deduce that.
JK

@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say “no” without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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@hopeful33250 – Thank you, Teresa.

@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say “no” without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

Jump to this post

@liz223 – Absolutely! Is there a Celebrate Recovery group in your area? It could be a good resource. Their motto is recovery for “hurts, habits and hangups”. A group meets at our church, but it’s an hour of driving at night for an hour long meeting. So, I don’t go. But it could be just what you need.

Jim

@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say “no” without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

Jump to this post

Hello Liz @liz223

I am so sorry to hear that you get such unusual reactions when you discuss your Bipolar disorder. It reflects a lack of knowledge about the topic of mental illness. I sometimes think that our society is becoming more enlightened and then I hear a story like yours and realize that it hasn’t happened, yet.

I applaud you for wanting to start a support group in your church – a year ago I started a support group for folks with chronic illnesses, we call it Living & Thriving, and it has been well attended and helpful to so many. While most of the members of our group are discussing physical illnesses, such as chronic pain, cancer, heart problems, etc., we all admit to the stress/anxiety and oftentimes the depression that goes along with it. We also talk about our amazement with people who don’t understand what we are experiencing and want to just not talk about it so much. We meet off site, not at a church, but at a coffee house near the church.

Have you ever been part of NAMI group? They have some good leaflets regarding the different types of mental illness, perhaps you could educate folks by providing them with some good information.Also, the NAMI group in our area will actually go to churches and talk about mental illness and give a presentation and have their leaders speak about their own experiences with finding help. If your church would be open to such a presentation,that might be a good way to introduce the subject to your congregation.

Teresa

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