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amberpep
@amberpep

Posts: 627
Joined: Jul 02, 2012

~ Lonesome ~

Posted by @amberpep, Oct 6, 2017

Hi everyone …. well, I’ve reached the end of my last nerve. About a year ago, I had to put my little dog down ….. she was a Cavalier, King Charles Spaniel, who was rescued from a puppy mill – she was 4 and had given birth to multiple liters. She never got out of the crate, and the day after I took her the mill was going to shoot her because she was no long producing what they wanted. She was a tri-color, and had the classical heart murmur. All Cavaliers have that, I guess from poor breeding practices ….. goes from level 1 to level 5. She was 11 when I had to put her to sleep. Well, you all know all the moving I’ve been doing … MD to VA, then another place in VA (which is quite unsafe I’m finding out). I have not been happy since I left my condo in MD. I’d lived in the Frederick, MD area for 30 years, and that move was a big mistake (now I know!). Well, I have 2 cats, but I so much miss that little girl. It’s been a year now, and I still can’t look at her picture without tearing up. So, I’ve been in touch with a Cavalier rescue group that lives quite close to where I used to live in MD, and I’m just praying that I can find one that I can both afford and whose murmur isn’t passed 2. I’m lonesome …. I have a neighbor who is a friend and she has a dog. My kids are great people, and do what they can and have time for to either come over, bring me some food, or go somewhere with me, but they all have lives and families and I cannot expect them to fill in the gap. I’m used to taking in a puppy mill rescue, as my Molly was afraid of grass when I got her, I had to teach her how to walk up steps, and for a long time anytime someone lifted an arm to scratch their head or anything like that, she’d duck and run. Obviously, she’d been abused along with everything else. I so hope I can get one ….. I need a loyal friend down here, and one of them would be perfect.
abby

REPLY

@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say “no” without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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Thank you for your reply. I will check into a NAMI group. Have a blessed day. 🙂

@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say “no” without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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Liz @liz223

I wish you a blessed day as well!

Teresa

@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say “no” without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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Like you, I am Bipolar 2, and have no one to talk about it with except for this group and my therapist & psychiatrist for meds. Trying to get it across to my 3 adult kids, I sent the website from Mayo to them to read, hoping they’d start some conversation. They haven’t. They really should know because at least part of it is genetic, but I guess they don’t want to know. Sort of ostrich like.
Take care my friend,
abby

@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say “no” without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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You’re right. A big part is genetic. My grandfather was not diagnosed, but he shot my grandmother and then himself (while they were still young). My mom had a breakdown before she was 62, my first cousin committed suicide, another cousin is Bipolar. They need to know.

@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say “no” without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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There are times when trying to let adult children know about family history such as mental illness does more harm than helping…I know this the hard way. Best some things are not revealed lest spouses use the info as ammunition…I know this for a fact. Sad as it is the children who pay the price. Sure could use my little grandson’s loving and accepting hug far more often. He loves because he has not yet learned to be critical and judgmental. Little ears do hear whether big people think so or not. Labeled because of the suicide of my father. All I have is a whole lot of love and in this materialistic world this is not always enough. A world where there are those who see through distorted eyes. A world where others are seen for what kind of car we drive, the clothes they wear, where another lives-the list goes on and on. Won’t be long before the standards set by others seep into his young mind. He will be 3 in January. I so cherish the moments I have with him and how he runs to me happily calling out and always a hug for his grandma.

A happy thought and memory. Acceptance is the key to happiness and contentment.

@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say “no” without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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Hi, I am writing back to your message because what you say really touches me. I am french canadian and I am new at this kind of discussion, only reading for a few weeks. I understand most of the discussions, let’s say about 95 percent. FRom now on, I begin to feel ready to share my own experience on majeur depression and generalized anxiety disorder.

It makes me feel better to know that there are people who are suffering as much as I do and that solutions and therapy do exist to relieve mental disorders.

Is it possible that someone would let me know what group of discussion could reach depression and gad ?

AGain, thank you for your message, it was a good one to make me decide to connect.

APpreciate the present time for the good moments.

Sylvie 🙂

@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say “no” without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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Hello, @comtesse, and welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. So glad you joined us and that you are jumping into this kind of discussion. I believe that many have found the community here helpful as a way to connect and be supported by others who really “get it” about what they are experiencing with their conditions or illnesses.

You’d asked about discussions on depression as well as generalized anxiety disorder. Here are some you might be interested in reading and/or participating in on depression:
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/long-term-depression/?pg=12
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/depression-2/

And some on anxiety or anxiety and depression:
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/morning-anxiety/
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/anxiety-and-depression-1/
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/anxiety-panic-and-depression/

In one of the discussions above might be a good place for you to share some of your experiences, if you feel ready.

@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say “no” without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

Jump to this post

Hello and Thank you for your warm welcoming message. I will try your adresses for sure.

Have a good day !

Sylvie 🙂

Where to go from here. Trust is like rust in old water pipes. Once the water flows it is gone.

@parus

Where to go from here. Trust is like rust in old water pipes. Once the water flows it is gone.

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Hi, @parus — you sure have some wonderfully poetic word pictures.

I sense that someone or something has caused you to lose trust. You’ve talked about a few situations like that from your past.

The image of water washing away trust shows how easily it can be washed away. Can it be rebuilt? Wondering if this is a new erosion of trust or grieving of a loss of trust from some time ago?

@parus

Where to go from here. Trust is like rust in old water pipes. Once the water flows it is gone.

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A shame the negative feelings could not have been washed from the mind. I tell myself it is depression and after all of these years it will not leave. Endless mind and body pain are invisible shackles and I am thankful as I would not want another to see how pathetic I am. Stuff happens.

@parus

@amberpep It is okay to set boundaries and say “no” without giving a reason. Took me years to learn this one. Much better for doing so.

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Hi Sylvie …. and welcome to the Mental Health Group. You will find a group of loving, caring, helpful folks who will know exactly what you’re talking about. There’s always someone here that has been through the same thing and can give you support and comfort. I can tell you from my experience, I love this group. Even though I don’t know their faces or where they live, I feel like I really do “know” them. Bless you my friend, and welcome ….. we’re delighted to have you walk this journey with us.
abby

GOOD NEWS …..Well in a few days I will be getting a dog …. no, not the Cavalier I wanted, but I just can’t afford them. This little fellow is a mix of a bassett hound and spaniel. The woman tells me he is a velcro-dog, which I LOVE. Everywhere I go, they go.
Wish me luck with my new little adoptee.
abby

@amberpep

GOOD NEWS …..Well in a few days I will be getting a dog …. no, not the Cavalier I wanted, but I just can’t afford them. This little fellow is a mix of a bassett hound and spaniel. The woman tells me he is a velcro-dog, which I LOVE. Everywhere I go, they go.
Wish me luck with my new little adoptee.
abby

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Good Luck!! @amberpep 🙂

@parus

Where to go from here. Trust is like rust in old water pipes. Once the water flows it is gone.

Jump to this post

I’m wondering too the same thing Lisa just said. I myself know that I have had a very hard time rebuilding trust. After a horrible childhood (only child), and being married to a Narcissist for 40 years where I couldn’t trust anything he told me, and then later being betrayed by what I thought was a close friend …. well, it’s tough. But it can be done. Just a brief example. Because of a lot of my experiences with men, I believed they were all just sexually driven animals and stiffened when I walked by them … I was like an ice cube walking by. Well, after many, many years of therapy with an extremely respectful, gentle, and kind Psychologist (a man), I’ve just begun to realize that they are not all alike. Originally when I was with him for my first and second session (13 years ago), I actually expressed that I’d prefer a woman. He was kind, but told me he felt staying there would be better for my emotional growth and healing, but it was my choice. Well, I did and I am doing so much better. I’m still very careful around men, but can be more “myself” rather than an “icecube” when around them.
You’ll get there …. just takes some work and the recognition and determination to change.
Go for it!
abby

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