I'm Disappearing

@kmliste
Wow! I so get that.. the stories are different but they overview is certainly the same. Irritability, everything is your fault, paranoia, no trust. I think sometimes we have to remember what it must be like for them. But then I don't know if they really get it themselves. They certainly can't remember certain things the way we do. It feels mysterious at times doesn't it?

@tsch
Do you understand about MCI ?

@tsch
It has been a good and long marriage. He is ill. I know that.
I know I will not change him. That is why I don’t respond in anger to him.
I usually don’t respond when I know he is being unreasonable ans not thinking clearly.

In your opinion do you think i should not vent with others who have walked this path too?

@dianaml I hate this “crazy land” way of living too. Last night I made a new recipe from Bon Appetit magazine- a very simple pasta dish. He said, “what the hell is this!!!?” Our son was there and said “I think it is good!” I too, hate the meanness and “in your face” stuff. I didn’t say a word to him. wasn’t worth it.

@kmliste I am sure it was very good. I am hugging you. I know about hurt.

@dianaml
Right! It is a drag. He is out playing golf today. He’ll come home later and complain about one guy in their foursome. I won’t deal with that until later….. 🙂 Meanwhile I have some time by myself. I will be working around here but I won’t have to see or listen to the “sniper.” He is still quite sharp however his personality has changed. My beloved dog died late last year so I feel I can leave the house now. (he previously started 3 fires).I don’t want him to burn down the house of course but at least the dog won’t be hurt. Am I beginning to sound like a country song?
I was trying to explain MCI to a friend I know thru church. I know she loves and cares about me but she doesn’t understand. I don’t think many people do understand.My understanding of MCI is that it may move thru stages but it doesn’t always mean Alzheimer’s Disease. Meanwhile she and I go eat together and have fun.
I keep about book not of “wrongs” but incidences to share with my doctor and with his if need be. Looking back some of them seem comical but at the time they aren’t because of the insistence that it really happened, the anger or somehow I did it. For example, the time he saw that the gas in his vehicle was low. In his mind someone had siphoned the gas out. He insisted I call the Chief of Police. He keeps copious records (he was a chief financial officer of a corporation). A few days later he showed me a spreadsheet of his gas usage in this vehicle and decided he had driven up the gas. Or when he found a large fast food drink cup with other trash in it tossed in the bed of his truck. He yelled and yelled at me, “Why did you do that !!!!!!!What is wrong with you!!!!!!” When his tirade at me was over I asked him to consider that maybe when he was parked somewhere some rude person did that rather than mess up his/her own vehicle. He walked off. Not all days are like this but I am disappearing. I used to be funny and took care of myself. Now…..I just feel like I look 200 years old. Thank you so much for listening. My tears have started to flow and it is a great release.

@dederickve
I know it is this stage of his illness. Still it sometimes is emotionally tiring. I miss the sweet fellow I knew. Thanks for the hug. I appreciate it.
Just the way it is sometimes now

BTW my son said, “ This is a keeper, Mom."