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I'm Disappearing

Posted by judimahoney @judimahoney, Jul 19 10:07pm

The way my husband speaks now completely dismisses me, as if I don't exist.
Today he referred back to a concert that we went to together, saying "I went to his concert." I immediately followed with, "WE went to that concert together." I always try to get myself back in his world where I belong.
Sorry for the grammar talk, but he's most often using the first person tense, talking just about himself when the events included or include both of us.
I know the reason he is self-focused, however it is heart-wrenching nonetheless.
We share so much history together, now so much is lost.
Next month we'll celebrate our 40th anniversary. I no longer expect gifts, cards or any effort whatsoever (having learned over the years it's not on his radar screen).
I strive to remain relevant in my husband's life (and not just from a caregiver point of view), I just must.

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gilkesl | @gilkesl | 1 day ago
In reply to @mm180 "@judimahoney your post really resonated with me today. My husband has been so self-focused, rude, unapologetic,..." + (show)
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@judimahoney your post really resonated with me today. My husband has been so self-focused, rude, unapologetic, demanding, and unappreciative lately that I am running low on patience and running at low-level constant annoyance. He has such arrogance and confidence when he speaks to me, as if I am the one who doesn’t know what is going on instead of him! “Sir, you can’t even manage to write a check anymore, so pardon me if I follow the financial advice of our advisor instead of you.” He can’t even make a plan to get to the bathroom in time to prevent an accident, but he tries to tell me what I should be planning and doing! He tells me he would like “dinner at 5:30” now. “Sir, you”ll get dinner when I am done making it and not before.” He sleeps until 5 or 6 pm everyday anyway! He has “memories” of things we did together, but he re-writes them in ways that aren’t really true. I don’t correct him, but it is hard to sit and listen to him especially when his misremembering is hurtful or leaves me out. I know it’s not his “fault” and that it’s the disease but tolerating this constantly is very difficult for me. I’m to the point where I really just don’t want to be around him if I can help it and try to just keep busy in another room (hard because he shadows), or do chores outside (he avoids any “work” like the plague) or just pray that he won’t talk. Lately I feel like I’m in an emotionally abusive relationship. It’s the only abusive relationship where it is not only socially acceptable to stay in it, but there is an expectation that you do so. I pray every day that this is a phase that will pass.🙏 And soon! I know others have written that I will miss him when he is gone and I am alone, but right now all I want is peace.

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@mm180 The brain degenerates in mysterious ways. Some people become sweet and docile, others self centered and others verbally and physically abusive. Sometimes as the degeneration progresses, the personality changes as well. Your description of staying in a socially emotionally abusive situation is eye opening. Would it be time to see a professional and do something for you?

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Gratia | @gratia | 23 hours ago
In reply to @kmliste "@gratia (the photo uploaded sideways…. oops" + (show)
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@gratia (the photo uploaded sideways…. oops

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@kmliste I saw the grey fox! At first glance in sideways pic, I wondered how he slept like that! But when I turn photo I see he is lying down.

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