H. has a Wellness Check-up: How can I talk to his doctor?

Great idea! Thanks. I agree, what he doesn't know may just help him. Docs specializing in geriatrics are far and few between. Would have to go about 55 miles away which is too far.

I have to watch. The last few days we have been getting calls from a software company that provides protection for computers and ignoring them because, well no reason. Today he answered one and the guy told him someone was trying to open a business account with them and it would cost $700 and they were "checking into it". He started asking all kinds of questions and kept repeating the same questions over and over. Things like who else has your password, do your children have it, does your wife have it, and on and on. Thank heavens the only answer the scammers got was "No" which is why they kept asking more and more questions "they needed to follow up the problem with the account." I told H to HANG UP immediately.

I then contacted the company directly, with H there, and inquired about the call we had received. Yep, the phone call was a scam, phishing for info. The software company rep said that they never phone you but contact you through computer.

I reminded H that he and I never should answer the phone unless we know who it is. The calls from that company, which occurred over the week, never left a message.

It is easy, just seeing that with H how these scammers can get information from the elderly, heck anyone. I worry that someone is going to catch him on a day he isn't as sharp and he is going to give out information he shouldn't.

@kartwk You can find a PCP that has background specialty in neurology but practices as a PCP maybe he will go if they aren’t presented as a “Neurologist”?

@shazizzle Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I’m so glad you found this site! Are you also a caregiver? Is there a special problem that we can help you with?

Thank you so much,
So TMI,
I was a longtime caregiver (had to stop due to medical issues ) as well as a patient.
I am newly 53 and am riddled with osteoarthritis. I have had double fusion spinal surgery - L4/5-S1 & C 3/4 in 2006 w/degenerative disk disease & Spinal stenosis, etc.
I have small fiber neuropathy since 2021 & now starting in large fibers as well.
Total left knee was done in 2023 and right knee was due as well but due to ins. issues will be done 2026.
Both feet have had 2nd and 3rd tarsometatarsal joint fusions done w/bone grafts - Rt- 2024 and left Nov. 2025 & still healing…
New diagnosis of PSA has gone misdiagnosed since 2006. Severe muscle, nerve and tendon spasms, everywhere. chronic weakness and fatigue.
So, short story - long, I’m being told that the misdiagnosis caused all the (Osteoarthritis) and damage and the steroid use for chronic pain and inflammation over the years caused the Adrenal insufficiency which now causes me to live on steroids forever.
I am terrified that this not only affects me but my kids as well, my 32 yr just started with his 1st PSA flare a few months ago (we are assuming). They don’t know definitively yet. But his feet and ankles swelled up and he couldn’t walk for weeks, etc. It was awful. He had just started a new job so he lost his job and his ins before getting the help he needed. Now my 12 yr old daughter has just been diagnosed with arthritis in her c-spine.
So, I am always looking into posts about issues regarding any of these conditions in the hopes that I can get some ideas on what might help best.

@shazizzle I’m so sorry that all these problems have fallen on 1 family. Have you checked out the prostate cancer discussion for your son? Better yet, get him to join Mayo Clinic Connect! As for your 12 yr old, check on the Spinal Health discussion. The mentor herself is a former spine surgery patient. And she’s great! You don’t need to private message her, anyone in the group will let her know that ‘someone needs help.’ Sorry, but I need to get busy and back to work!
Discussions: Prostate Cancer, Spinal Health, Arthritis Group

Becky

@lkbous

Yes, yes, yes. You are right on target with what I feel.

I do need to get power of attorney because this summer he gave away a lot of our stuff, table saw, other items because he didn't need them. He was giving this stuff to complete strangers!!! He even gave away our 2-stage snowblower which we have really needed this winter and I am lucky I got it and the other items back or they paid me for them.
His mind tells him, and me that since he feels he doesn't need them anymore he should give them away because they are not worth anything according to him. We are on a very fixed income. I got several hundred dollars for one item he was going to give away for free.

I watch when he is on his computer and phone during one of those times he was changing all his passwords because one time he was going to give someone his WHOLE SS#! I stepped in and stopped that because NO creditable bank, credit card, etc. asks for the whole number.

And he keeps saying and believing that his one daughter that lives 5 miles away is gonna come and help him/me out. That hasn't happened all the time we have been down here. What she is waiting for, and it upsets me to state it out loud, is for him to pass. Then she will get an interest, not in him, but what we have to see what she can get.
I am not being mean or nasty about her, but I posted before that she was actually in the hospital room with H (I had left for something to eat and didn't know she was around) and was trying to get him to sign a new will! Power of attorney would put a stop to that kind of nonsense and give me great peace of mind as he and I go through this together.

@kartwk
Connecting with an attorney who specializes in Elder Law (doesn't mean they don't do other types of work) was the wisest move I could have made when I first came to terms with my husband's "forgetfulness," which has since been formally diagnosed as vascular dementia. The attorney gave me a long laundry list of tasks I needed to do to get our affairs in order, including powers of attorney, naming an estate administrator--not my husband, were I to die first, living wills, etc. etc. It took me weeks to collect all the information she needed (bank accounts, credit cards, insurance policies, etc., but then she put it all together and the immense relief I felt was incredibly comforting. All that stuff is no fun to deal with, but for those of you who haven't done it yet, hop on the horse and do it. You just don't know what is around the corner, and some paperwork will need to be signed while a spouse still has capacity.