H. has a Wellness Check-up: How can I talk to his doctor?

Do you have anything in mind that will change if he is diagnosed with dementia? Will your H then agree to take injection treatments or pills?

If your husband is not ready or capable to accept it, it might just be a diagnosis on his chart, not really providing any help in the day to day life challenges you have, Patients often refuse to accept the diagnosis or they forget. So, it doesn’t really help them. I suppose it might help with getting placement in a facility or qualifying for certain resources.

What do you anticipate changing with a diagnosis?

You know that is a great question. I know that he won't accept any such diagnosis much less medicine.
Today he spent the day changing and rechanging all his passwords at his accounts - like he was driven. Then he forgets to write them down and he starts again.

I guess maybe peace of mind in that I am really dealing with what I am dealing with.

When he freaked out in the car the other day (I was driving) because he said we were going the wrong way, NOTHING WAS RIGHT, and came close to a panic attack, it truly upset and worried me.
We were going to MY doctor and we have been going this way for years!

I pulled over and assured him that we were on the right highway and just needed to turn at the corner. I could tell he was visibly shaken and even admitted it, but later blamed it on his lack of direction. He has done this before - once when he was driving on a highway we are on almost daily. All of a sudden he didn't know where he was, he was on the wrong road.

I guess one of the things I would like is to get his license revoked because of incidents like this and the diagnosis would probably do it, whether he liked it or not.

Sorry, it is just lonesome not to be able to have the kind of conversations with him like we use to. Yet at times he is as sharp as a tack. You have to spend time with him to see what is going on.

@celia16

And it would help with qualifying for certain resources like support.

@kartwk , I understand. Yes, symptoms can vary day by day. It’s frustrating. And usually gets worse, not better. I presented the doctors with detailed letters of what the patient was experiencing and what family members were seeing. Fortunately, they dealt with this a lot and understood how to address it with sensitivity. I hope yours works that way.

I also just remembered that the diagnosis might help if you need to get Guardianship of husband. With resistant family members, it sometimes becomes necessary. That’s why legal advice is so important. The courts listen to petitioners who need authority in these situations. It’s doable if facts justify it.

Ref. the driver license. Imo, getting authority to prevent the driving is the most crucial thing if he’s not competent to drive. Getting dmv to revoke doesn’t usually mean anything to a person with dementia. They are likely to drive anyway if they get access. Being revoked is something they forget or don’t acknowledge is a problem. So, if they drive and hurt someone with no license, the insurance won’t cover the damages. That’s why I encourage seeing an attorney and get details on how to get authorization to remove access to driving while they’re still covered by insurance.

Managing the care of someone who is cognitively impaired is daunting. I hope you can get some help and get information on your options.

Talk with Dr before you go so he/she can bring it up.

I answered you on another page. Please do check there. And take your cell phone, go for a walk or a place where there is internet service and contact your doctor either by phone or portal. If or she doesn’t help you, get another doctor. Truly.

I need to know this, too !

@kartwk completely know what this is like!

@kartwk I completely understand the fact that you want a diagnosis. It’s something you can sink your teeth into, you can understand the reality of what is going on with him, you can rest assured that you’re not making these behaviors up, you can plan for new needs in your futures, you can get help understanding what you need to learn. I don’t think we need a diagnosis as much for them as for ourselves. Except for potential medications/treatments. We need to see what we’re up against, what’s in store with solid knowledge that we aren’t imagining the slow changes.
It IS very lonely and so sad that we lose our best friend, our best confidant our person to bounce anything off of, whether important or trivial.
If you haven’t already, you should look into Tami Anastasia’s webinars on Mondays at 3 pt. She also has a book that I haven’t read yet, but intend to.
Good luck with it all. We’re here for each other, thank goodness.

@lkbous

Yes, yes, yes. You are right on target with what I feel.

I do need to get power of attorney because this summer he gave away a lot of our stuff, table saw, other items because he didn't need them. He was giving this stuff to complete strangers!!! He even gave away our 2-stage snowblower which we have really needed this winter and I am lucky I got it and the other items back or they paid me for them.
His mind tells him, and me that since he feels he doesn't need them anymore he should give them away because they are not worth anything according to him. We are on a very fixed income. I got several hundred dollars for one item he was going to give away for free.

I watch when he is on his computer and phone during one of those times he was changing all his passwords because one time he was going to give someone his WHOLE SS#! I stepped in and stopped that because NO creditable bank, credit card, etc. asks for the whole number.

And he keeps saying and believing that his one daughter that lives 5 miles away is gonna come and help him/me out. That hasn't happened all the time we have been down here. What she is waiting for, and it upsets me to state it out loud, is for him to pass. Then she will get an interest, not in him, but what we have to see what she can get.
I am not being mean or nasty about her, but I posted before that she was actually in the hospital room with H (I had left for something to eat and didn't know she was around) and was trying to get him to sign a new will! Power of attorney would put a stop to that kind of nonsense and give me great peace of mind as he and I go through this together.