How do you respond when your spouse keeps asking where her mother is?

@nannybb , thank you. My family members who had dementia have passed away. Talk therapy helped me a lot.

@nannybb Thanks for your help. I have tried music, some songs help and others do not. It's trial and error. I will replay the songs she likes many times because as soon as it's over she doesn't remember it but her attitude changes.

@tunared By attitude changes, do you mean for the better? By the what you have mentioned it seems you are not getting much outside help. Have you ever tried to introduce another person into her life? My grandmother lit up when a "visitor" came over. You may not want to answer this question, but how long has she had dementia?

@tunared Dan, I have not seen any more posts in here by you. I am just wondering how YOU are doing....

@nannybb thanks for asking. I'm hanging in there. We had to leave our family's Thanksgiving celebration early because my wife started quickly going down hill. Then last night I was taking our dog for a walk when she came screaming outside that I was stealing her father's truck , then I was stealing her dog. I thought I calmed her down and took the dog for a walk but she called our son saying a stranger stole her father's truck (her father never owned a truck) and our dog. He came right over and calmed her down. He can track me with his phone so he knew I was walking the dog. Just a normal night in our house.

@nannybb My wife's attitude changes with the wind and just as quickly. I am her sole caregiver however, our son is nearby (less than a mile) and when necessary, will come over to calm her down.
She's had dementia about 12-14 years ( I can't remember exactly when she was first diagnosed). He neurologist stated that she is "end-stage", what ever that means. My wife is physically very healthy. She has a personal trainer one day a week and goes to the gym with me 3-4 times a week.

@tunared Oh Dan, I am so sorry. My docile sweet grandmother did go through THIS phase as well. My sister and I were still living with our parents as we were going through college. My grandmother lived with my parents as well, because she had gotten to a point she simply could not live unaunattended. She began hiding her personal things (like her dentures) thinking that "someone" was going steal them. The "someone" was almost always me. Everyone else in my family could work pretty well with her when she got this way. It is so difficult to understand the workings of their thoughts. My grandmother also would open doors and go outside, simply walking down the middle of the road. A busy one at that. My sister and parents became her caretakers 24/7 with an occasional visiting nurse...maybe once a week(?) I don't recall. Everything, except her occasional sweet smile changed. Even some of her language. She was bred and raised in the South. She would have been appalled if she were in her "right mind". All this to say, it hurts when you are the focus of their anger. Did I ask you if you have anyone other than your son to help? It might seem selfish (but it's not) to take care of yourself as well. I don't know where you live, but might there be social services you can obtain? As the disease became more pronounced, my granmother did become easier to work with. She was no longer able to talk and perhaps forgot more of the troubling issues that bothered her before. She was definitely less agitated. Again, I am deeply sorry you are going through this. This is one of the most horrible of diseases. 🙏🙏 I'm sure many of us here care. Reach out anytime.

@tunared I did not catch your reply before I typed my novel. I am so glad you can still get out of the house. That must be a huge plus. You sound like a great human.

no, not a great human, just someone deeply in love with his partner and will do anything for her.

@tunared I gathered that.I work in and around assisted living. I see many who never get a visitor once they are left in our care. The fact you love her so, must make it more difficult in some ways. She is very fortunate that you do.