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How do you respond when your spouse keeps asking where her mother is?
I'm use to my wife not knowing me or not liking me and generally use deflection/redirecting to change the conversation. However, lately she been asking where her mother is (who died in 2014). I've said she died but that doesn't change the conversation, so I've gone and said her mother got a ride home (or somewhere). then my wife asks who gave her a ride? when will she get home? when can I call her? I want to see her. And sometimes the conversation is worse: "I've had it with you and I'm going to go live with my parents (very angrily)! (her father died over 20 years ago).
Scott, Bill, anyone with advice to help me with this situation?
My wife has taken to calling my son (who's close by) and he comes right over and she calms down. He says the same as me when she asks about her mother, however, she accepts it from him.
All advice is greatly appreciated and accepted! Thank you!
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@tunared Hi, Dan. I’ll try to answer your question from what I learned and in my job as a nurse. We were always told to talk with the patient as though we were in the same time zone. You can answer your wife as though she is completely lucid. “Wife (your spouse’s name), remember when we talked about this yesterday? You asked where your mother was… Let’s talk again. I told you that your mother had died about 10 years ago, and you agreed with me. Your mom was very old and she died because she was old and very tired.” . If your wife answers, join her in the conversation, but bring the conversation back to today. Ask her what worries her today. You can say, “ we had a very nice funeral/service and you were able to say goodbye to her.” Just go slowly and always speak the truth. She’ll be upset but will soon forget. Let her know that you’ll be there to take care of her.
No need for you to do it this way. Just do it the same way every time and encourage your son to do the same.
I hope this was a little bit helpful. Becky