Do you feel hurt?

@lost55
There is another discussion for people who are caregiving like you. You will find support and some useful information there. Look for the "I am Disappearing" thread. (There may be others too.) But also look into any sources of help from state or other programs or services. You need to take care of you and that will better help you take care of your wife. Be sure her physician knows what is happening in case there is medication to help.
To deal with the insanity, seek assistance for yourself- and that will help your wife as well.

Here's how I'm choosing to deal with this insanity - the misplaced things and then getting blamed by trying to have a process, that for now, my husband is doing. We have a certain place that we put his things all day. His backpack goes on the same wicker chair during the day, wallet, phone, keys, and the like, with a checklist of what's in his backpack, so we know it's there. More important he can see it's there. Nothing else EVER goes on that chair - as he knows it's his chair. with his belongings. We check it daily. At night, the knapsack, and all gets moved upstairs on the 2nd bedroom bed, lined up where he can see ALL of his things. Then upstairs, he has a small "bag" that has all of his toiletries, cerefolin brain wellness pill, cough drops, etc. Another checklist for that. And we check that every time he uses things from the bag. That stays upstairs. Anything that he uses daily, I have a duplicate for in another bag, I hold in the event he misplaced something and needs it immediately. For now, this simple process is working. And it makes me feel better when I walk by the 2nd bedroom at night and see his "stuff" lined up like soldiers on the bed.

@lost55
Yes I feel hurt and it is insanity.

B
You have joined a big crowd and a crowd that is not happy about the progression of this fnnn disease. I can bet there is not ONE person in the crowd who wants to be a member and would give just about anything to not be a member. However, the crowd does support each other and they even come up with some excellent recommendations/suggestions. The guilt, the sorrow, the shame and I could keep going but it won't help you, instead, just know that if you need any type of support, you will find it here.
I've been married 57 years and I've always been able to count on my wife knowing me when she wakes up in the morning BUT this morning, the one thing I've counted on changed. My wife and best friend didn't know me or our 5 year old English lab and that hurt. She thought I was a friend of her husband's and I was in the house only to bring her to day care. Our lab is my therapy dog and helps me a lot on this journey. take care and know there are people that there are people here who can help you and provide invaluable knowledge.
Dan

@lost55
Hi, I can whole-heartedly recommend respite care, whether you have to pay for someone to be with her, or a friend or family member if you are fortunate to have them near/available.
Really just a few hours to let you pursue your own interests.
Good luck! 🌼

@tunared
Thanks
Two years ago in anticipation of the future with Alzheimers I persuaded my wife to get one last dog. We got a golden doodle puppy. A real riot and a chore to take care of but the one thing needed was a loving , loyal, hugging companion for my wife.
Our Cora is a real nut but she provides a tension barrier and despite the bad days is a welcome relief for both of us,
It is noon and I haven’t been able to persuade my wife to get up yet but I brought Cora in to the bedroom and that seemed to inspire her. It’s the parts of the day when my wife is fully rational that are the brightest but then lately the mood shifts and the inability to organize, or keep some sense of order take over. Of course as the day wains and night nears it is pins and needles time again!
Unfortunately we have no family close to where we live, the closest being our daughter a four hour drive. We are in the country and have a great neighbor that I have called on, like on July 1st when my wife was having an aggravated delusion and opened the cellar door, falling the entire length. A broken ankle and lots bruises, but lucky indeed.
As I’m sure you know it’s the Jekyll and Hyde nature of this damn disease that plays on one’s spirit.
I equate our current life to the Forrest Gump line but modified. “Alzheimer’s is like a box of chocolates, ya never know what your going to get,”
B

@tunared
Hi
So far my wife is aware of “the people she knows”and the people she should know if that makes sense.
But I recall Christmas of 2024 when I made my Xmas phone call to my cousin who then let me know that he was under doctors care for memory issues, etc. He was still fully aware and had a limited drivers license. I called this past Xmas got no answer. I called his older brother and he told me Bob had in the month before Xmas been placed in an assisted living facility. He had lost rational abilities in just a years time. Now my cousin Rich says Bob doesn’t really know who he is..
So I think the lesson out of this is to expect the unexpected. Do the best we can for our loved one no mater how down we get. I know early on I would tend to get livid when my wife accused me of taking something of hers or rearranging things to confuse her. Now I have learned it is not her it is Alzheimers. I swallow the hurt and hope her bad thoughts pass quickly.
B

@kjc48 oh, so much to keep track of ! I feel for you !

@dederickve Actually, having the process, relaxes me more than trying to find everything he has lost. I remember, that knapsack, that he took out of the car at the hotel, put it on the ground, never knew, and of course, we couldn't find it later. What are the odds that backpack would still be sitting out there in the dark, with people going in and out of the driveways. We were lucky we found it because at that time, he was hoarding all the checkbooks and everything else confidential in there. Thanks for your note back. I feel for you too and every caregiver going through what we're dealing with. Best, Karla

@lost55 Aren’t pets wonderful! We took in a rescue, a labradoodle, a few years back after losing our 16 year golden retriever that I didn’t think we needed, but my husband said yes to her distress, and she became a part of the family along with our senior yorkie-poo, and a senior beagle we had taken in as a stray. That was the best decision ever. We were only months away from learning of his MCI diagnosis that has now progressed to Alz/Lewy Body. She has been such a wonderful blessing, a great comforter and companion to us both. She can settle him down when he is very agitated much better than I can. I have since had her therapy dog certified and she has proved to be a very good one and we enjoy our hospital visits that we are able to take part in when my husband is at Respite.