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Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”
My husband was diagnosed with MCI in 2019. He is pretty independent, just forgetful of time, dates, location of places, anything electronic & events from our life together (we’ve been married 52 years). It’s all just getting to me. I find myself wanting to be alone so I’m not continuously reminded of these changes. Because my friends/family are out of state, working, or involved with their own families, I really have no one to talk to so I’m seeing a therapist twice a week to deal with the sadness, anger, grief I have over his condition. I just wonder if other women find themselves in this position & how they are dealing with it.
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Okay, so I attended a support group for people (care givers) that live with spouses, mothers, sisters who are at all levels of cognitive impairment. It was an eye opener for me and made me realize I'm pretty lucky. I get upset and irritated with my spouse due to all the issues that come along with this piece of crap disease but in this circle of 15 people baring their souls, I felt incredibly fortunate so far. The facilitator had a free book that I'd like to share with others because it is spot on about taking care of yourself as you take on more and more of the responsibilities. The book is by Pauline Boss, PhD and is called "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia" - how to find hope while coping with stress and grief. I can hardly put it down and feel it has already helped me in coping with my "new" everchanging adventure. Peace and love to all
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12 ReactionsMy husband is 65. His mild/ moderate decline started 5 days ago. He stuttered as a child so he’s blaming that issue. He can’t get his words out but also is very confused. I’m so concerned
He won’t go to the doctor or hospital. I’m thinking about a 10-13. In Georgia that’s a 72 hour evaluation. I feel for you because it’s so difficult
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4 Reactions@lsmb005 I would agree with you because of the level of impairment. If this started only 5 days ago, this could be a medical emergency as opposed to mild cognitive decline, which would typically happen a lot slower.
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10 ReactionsI'm so sorry you're going through this. I so feel for you and am experiencing some of the same. Wanting to be alone...do my own thing....not wanting to come home from doing my own thing. Walking on eggshells constantly. My husband had a fever 5 years ago, 107.3....had some delirium. Damaged some brain cells and his cognition is getting worse, temper is worse, short term memory is terrible and I'm blamed for his blow ups. I have family issues going on, in addition to this stress. Fortunately I have a couple of dear friends I can confide in distantly, but it doesn't help me at home. I guess day to day, is all I can do. Can be so frustrating.
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9 Reactions@ble13 I am sending hugs. You just wrote what I sometimes think….I don’t want to go home.
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7 Reactions@ble13
I just listened to this song ”She used to be mine” that evokes those feelings that things have changed, and who I used to be has been lost a little.
This was written with a different focus, but a lot applies to this feeling that life has changed and a part of me went with it.
Song by Sara Bareilles-
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6 Reactions@triciaot So true.
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1 Reaction@oneputt I love your Mayo "handle" oneputt as it brings joy. I appreciate the mention of the book; I'm going to purchase it. I woke up this morning, and I agree dreaded disease but I've been thinking about the good things, if we can find any, in such an up and down day. Those little positive things that come through daily with something so life changing and debilitating.
I suppose it depends on what stage the person is in, but in watching my husband in the mild stages - on lequembe infusions - I find a kind, appreciative man. He knows something isn't right; he tries to stand firm on his belief that nothing is wrong, and that lequembe will wipe every brain issue away. I don't destroy his belief as that gives him hope. He sits down at the dinner table, and he has so much joy in what I cook. A man who was picky at the table, a man who never wanted to watch movies, or go to a local intown show, now he suggests we go there. Yes, he gets anxious and irritated, but for now, the kindness overrules the irritation. I watched my neighbor, who was in the moderate to later stages of the disease, and I'd walk in and she would light up. I'd sit, show her pictures of the turkey, antipasto, and food we made together, and she remembered. And she, at that time, gave me joy, even in the middle of the confusion she was experiencing. What I see, is that we have to find the goodness, in whatever stage we're dealing with. I pray I feel this way, as time moves on with any "dreaded" progression. Joy to all caregivers this morning. Let's find the goodness in all we do. Because we are special in what we do every day for our special loved ones. our loved ones. Best, Karla
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13 Reactions@oneputt There’s a class (zoom based and free) that you can take based on the Pauline Boss book.
I’m almost finished with it and have found it very helpful.
It’s called Finding Meaning and Hope. I found it via the GUIDE program we are in here where I live and our particular instructor is in Flagstaff.
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3 Reactions@kjc48 Thank you for such a positive, uplifting comment. Sometimes we get so caught up in the negative we forget to look for the good. Your husband is very fortunate he has you to help him on this journey.
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3 Reactions