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Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”
My husband was diagnosed with MCI in 2019. He is pretty independent, just forgetful of time, dates, location of places, anything electronic & events from our life together (we’ve been married 52 years). It’s all just getting to me. I find myself wanting to be alone so I’m not continuously reminded of these changes. Because my friends/family are out of state, working, or involved with their own families, I really have no one to talk to so I’m seeing a therapist twice a week to deal with the sadness, anger, grief I have over his condition. I just wonder if other women find themselves in this position & how they are dealing with it.
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That has to be difficult! I’m earlier than that- my husband is alert enough yet to be doing crazy things like working out for two hours straight- eating only cheetoes all day ( he’s a diabetic ) and obsessively going over and over and over the checkbook ledger involving me in this unnecessary and highly stressful process. He gets super confused while looking at all the numbers- gets more and more agitated and then drags me into the mess to solve it— when it isn’t even a problem in the first place—
He wants my help- but then when I give it he gets super angry because he wants to solve it and can’t - I try and calm things down - diffuse his anger- but in the end- he hates me more than ever. He is very mean. to me - I don’t know how to cope with his sharp biting words and dismissive actions. My feelings do not matter to him one bit . I could say it’s just the disease - but he hasn’t been formally diagnosed yet — and that’s a hard position to be in. Can anybody relate?
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1 Reaction@judimahoney I’m so sorry for what you are going through- to lose communication with the one person you’ve been close to for so many years- is truely an unimaginable thing- you poor girl! please- talk to us- you’re not alone . and — we care.
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1 Reaction@wctdoc1943 oh my word- you poor man ! you are going through the ringer! I feel so sad for you- hang in there! How have you learned to cope ?
@rebeccagrover I’m still learning what helps and what doesn’t. I have a special friend I talk with who is a great support.
Thank you for your kind comments.
@rebeccagrover I am on a similar track, but closer to the beginning and not sure if its early dementia. Husband had sometimes given incomplete answers in the past leading to “50 questions” or a misunderstanding.
But now most questions and/or answers are short and he gets annoyed if I question him further, or I get frustrated and upset when the who/what/when activity is different from what he said. This didn't happen in the past to this extent. And I think he recognizes that he made a mistake, and he is feeling frustrated, but taking it out on me.
We’ve talked about the increasing arguments, but it hasn’t changed.
Unless this group has a better solution, I guess I need to limit these casual conversations on topics that matter. Make note to follow up later. And just check the details as best I can from another source if possible. I need to manage my frustration level or I’ll need a higher dose of blood pressure meds.
Any nuggets of wisdom?
@wctdoc1943 i wish you the best my friend.
@triciaot so sorry youare going thrutbat…it IS SO frustrating. Ifeel sometimes like im about to pop.
I know that he gets super confused especially when trying to multitask in any way— realizes hes confused—tries to gain control in his brain but cant. That’s usually the point when im trying to offer help…but he responds with rudeness and meanness , not really because of me, but just because of his situation….and his emotions over not feeling in control. I get the brunt— every time. Im trying to be logical but it is very hard— especially when we used to be so very close. It hurts. We have talked about the situation and what happens, figured out what we might do to lessen the stress, but he cant remember those conversations at all anymore to apply our strategies— its like the first time —every time the frustration comes on. His congnition has lapsed to that degree. But— he still insists that he’s completely fine and its all me. Rough stuff. I hope things go better for you my friend.
This is a journey i wish we didnt have to take— but here we are…trying to navigate successfully and keep together. Our daughter encourages me to limit our conversation like you said, maybe be more choosy about what we feel we have to talk about so as to avoid a thing! If you need blood pressure meds upped…do it- you will need the support and we gotta take good care of ourselves. W
They need our support, but we need support too— from somewhere…cuz it wont come from our husbands now- they dont have it to give. I think realizing that is key. Hang in there…you are not alone.