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Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”
My husband was diagnosed with MCI in 2019. He is pretty independent, just forgetful of time, dates, location of places, anything electronic & events from our life together (we’ve been married 52 years). It’s all just getting to me. I find myself wanting to be alone so I’m not continuously reminded of these changes. Because my friends/family are out of state, working, or involved with their own families, I really have no one to talk to so I’m seeing a therapist twice a week to deal with the sadness, anger, grief I have over his condition. I just wonder if other women find themselves in this position & how they are dealing with it.
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All of these replies are so familiar- it is as if I had written all of them individually.
Tips:
Do not hide this from your friends
Use this group as your group- we all get it
Deactivate all his credit cards
I give my spouse cash to pay for our meals at Waffle House and other places where a money transaction is easy
Accept things and try to find a positive in everything- such as “he did a terrible job painting the door but it kept him busy for three days”
I remind my spouse that we are working on his “brain health” and that Mayo diagnosed him with brain bleeding.
Peace and love-
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11 ReactionsPlease do not hide this from friends or family; it is nothing to be ashamed of any more than having cancer is to be ashamed of. It is a disease process, a cruel one as it robs you.
Of course you miss your mutual relationship, as a long term marriage is a huge part of life for a long term couple and each individual. The changes are going to be rough and life as you know it will happen - and you will adjust, but be good to yourself so you can get through it in one piece.
You must not try to go this alone. If you have many friends, and they are true friends they will support you through this new reality you are attempting to live. You may find you are not the only one dealing with this disease, either.
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8 ReactionsThank you. He actually has been pleasant the last couple hour's. I would not have signed up for this either. But, when we're young you do not think that way. I have loved him since I was 15 yo. I am 70 now . So obviously we have been married for 52+ year's. I was able to get him cleaned up and especially difficult for him and me. I try to be gentle. He likes his lotion on his back. It makes him relax. He has a good sense of humor. I still love him in spite of himself. I am learning ways to engage him. 🫂.
Marie from the Sunshine state as well.
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8 ReactionsHello rochrsalley81
Your situation is a mirror of mine for 10 years. This past 4 years i have seen more changes but he is still running his life. I do all technology , research, planning of trips, and so much more. The burdens we carry are all hidden from the world which can leave care takers feeling unseen. I no longer talk openly with most “loose friendships “. Explaining the nuances of dementia is hard for folks to grasp.
My husband forgets conversations but now he hears words i didn’t say. Like “ if you would like to go early thats fine. I can’t be ready for 30 minutes. He gets sulky and then says he’s leaving since i don’t want to go. “ it is exhausting having to explain myself over and over.
I too worry about him contacting business and giving private info to everyone. I’m ready to move to an independent living situation inside a retirement community. If one of us needs more care its there for us. We may not be able to afford it but it would make me feel safer having other folks taking care of our homes upkeep. We would have less to bicker about. 😞
He just turned 70 and im 68. We married 14 years ago and its been a hard journey. I believe I was stuck in grief and doubt for many years. I hope you can prevent that from happening to you. It will only bring bickering into your marriage which is destructive for all.
So sorry for rambling! That happens when we have no one to vent to. 😬
Bye for now,
K
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15 Reactionstotally understand all of this!! My husband was diagnosed about 1 yr ago - though it seems longer!! - along with a few very serious health issues. The bickering does me in. He's always been one to pick & poke but everything keeps escalating. So hard to live like this - and yet so many of us do. If moving to independent living is what's best for you, look into it. There's many options out there. Including staying in your home with help. Thankfully we have this forum to share and support each other.
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12 ReactionsI’m fairly new to dealing with my husband’s cognitive impairment and am slowly discovering a few things that seem to be helping me:
1 ) RADICAL ACCEPTANCE
Yes, these changes are my new reality. I can resist the changes and be miserable or try to gracefully accept them and move forward- one day at a time.
2 ) Time for SELF CARE
I need to make daily choices, create time to take care of myself too- especially my own physical, mental, emotional and spiritual HEALTH and WELLBEING.
**Included with this self care is remembering I am more than a wife and caregiver. Getting out and connecting with other people requires extra effort but RENEWS my spirit- and helps prevent resentments**
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23 ReactionsThis was such a helpful sharing for me...it has been almost a year w/my husband's MCI. We just celebrated our 58th year together. Because of you, I will try to "gracefully accept the changes" because at times, he still pushes my button..and I push his...and I react emotionally cuz that's who I am., but maybe because of your advice will try to be strong and change. All of your advice was excellent. That you.
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11 ReactionsI’m active in an Alzheimer’s organization group for caregivers of those with dementia and had the same concern.
My husband’s diagnosis then was MCI and I thought I’d be an interloper. I explained that the first time I attended and was welcomed by all present. It’s been immensely helpful to have started participating early in the process.
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7 Reactions@mooliomom Welcome to Mayo ClinicConnect! I can see that you’ve found some of the support you needed! Hope all goes well with the ‘new’ things you’re going to try!
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2 Reactions@soygabriella i just LOVE what you posted!
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2 Reactions